


Gerry, Please Stop Juuling In The Archives

by threefuckerstrytowrite



Series: Gays Please Stop Being Useless In The Archives [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: (both us and the characters), ADHD, Canon Asexual Character, Canon has been taken out back and shot, Crack Taken Seriously, Fix It Fic, Gen, I call ‘em hover hands, Multi, Multiple Authors, No beta we kayak like Tim, Poly, Slow Burn, actually we lie, and have cancelled eliass bitchard, basira is ashes, canon-typical worm, chatfic, crackfic, disaster bi Tim, gerrymichael, have we listened to the magnus archives? It’s debatable, hurt comfort but mostly comfort, jon’s also here, little bit of angst with a happy ending, martim, maybe we’ll combine them who knows, nikola is the toy soldier, no angst with a happy ending, non-canon typical worm on a string, sasha is aro, still simp for elias tho, the avatars have a group chat, the magnus archives but martin thinks its a romcom and everyone else thinks its a horror, the mechs were jon’s college band, three fuckers try to write a fic, we are all gay asf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:34:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 50,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25663708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/threefuckerstrytowrite/pseuds/threefuckerstrytowrite
Summary: In which chats are made, texts are sent, Martin pines, Tim pines, Gerry pines, Michael Pines, Jon also, actually fuck it, everyone except Sasha pines. The avatars are done with their shit, and Elias isn’t allowed in the fun group chats.
Relationships: Gerard Keay/Michael Shelley, Gerard Keay/Michael | The Distortion, Martin Blackwood / Gerard Keay /Michael | The Distortion, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker/Gerard Keay/Michael | The Distortion, Martin Blackwood/Tim Stoker, Oliver Banks/Michael "Mike" Crew, Sasha James/ Happiness
Series: Gays Please Stop Being Useless In The Archives [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1886122
Comments: 801
Kudos: 684





	1. In Which Jon Gets A New Job

**Author's Note:**

> we didn't post for ages again apologies - the next chapter is completely written though so should be up soon

_SashaJames has created a new chat._

_SashaJames has added TimothyStoker and MartinBlackwood._

_SashaJames has named the chat_ **_Archives_ **

**ARCHIVES**

**SashaJames:** Hi everyone! I thought it would be a good idea to have a work chat now we’re all moving down to the archives :)

**SashaJames:** I couldn’t find Jon. Do any of you have him on FaceBook?

**TimothyStoker:** you think he even has facebook? 

**TimothyStoker:** or like a phone???

**SashaJames:** We know he has a phone, Tim.

**MartinBlackwood:** I couldn’t find him

**MartinBlackwood:** Not that I’ve looked or anything

**MartinBlackwood:** Until now

**TimothyStoker:** sure, martin. sure. 

_MartinBlackwood is typing…_

**TimothyStoker:** not like i havent seen u staring at him in the breakroom

**TimothyStoker:** how u gonna deal w working this close to the loul 

_MartinBlackwood is typing…_

**SashaJames:** loul? What does that mean?

**TimothyStoker:** love of ur life (his)

_MartinBlackwood has left the chat_

  
  
  


**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E**

_Your oh so humble Captain_ _is typing….._

_Stop letting this one inside is typing…._

**Stop letting this one inside:** Congratulations On The Promotion, Archivist

**Your oh so humble Captain:** I got the job!!!

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Wait 

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Nikki how did u know?

**Stop letting this one inside:** Jolly Good Job I Am Proud Of You

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** well done Jonny!!!!

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Congratulations!

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** Well done :))

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** congrats Jonny

**Your oh so humble Captain:** @World’s #1 book fucker @the 

only one with brain cells left @worlds #1 ship fucker no congratulations for your favourite captain?

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** first mate

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Fuck off, Jonny 

**the only one with brain cells left:** soz was doing stuff

**World’s #1 book fucker:** science is stuff

  
  


**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**The clown fucks lads:** NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

**Sky fucker but a manlet:**????

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** NEW MEAT NEW MEAT NEW MEAT

**Bowones:** Meat??

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** Well now you’ve ruined it

**Toxic ass vape fog:** I have no idea what is going on

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠** Your ex hired a new archivist

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** We are one step closer to replacing him

**The clown fucks lads:** He’s Really Nice. He’s My Friend

**No thots only worm:** Elias?????

**The clown fucks lads:** No! The Archivist, Silly! His Name Is Jonny, 

And He’s In My Band

**Fire simp:** You’re in a band???

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ȇ̸̼̍:** Youre in a b a n d ?????  
  


**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** also wait does that mean he knows???????

**The clown fucks lads:** I Mean I’ve Told Him I’m Plastic

**The clown fucks lads:** How Could He Not Know?

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠** Soon Bitchard will be g o n e

  
  


**THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS**

**Peter Lukas (Lonely):** @Elias Bouchard (Eye) Congratulations on your new archivist

**Elias Bouchard (Eye):** @Peter Lukas (Lonely) thank you <3

**Peter Lukas (Lonely):** @Elias Bouchard (Eye) <3

**Jude Perry (Desolation):** Gross

**Jude Perry (Desolation):** Also we need a shorter title this one is annoying

**_Helen (Distortion/Spiral)_ ** _renamed the chat_ **_Divorce Central_ **

**_Elias Bouchard (Eye_ ** _) renamed the chat_ **_THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS_ **

**_Helen (Distortion/Spiral)_ ** _set the nickname for_ **_Elias Bouchard (Eye)_ ** _to_ **_Eliass Bitchard (Eye)_ **

**_Peter Lukas (Lonely)_ ** _set the nickname for_ **_Eliass Bitchard (Eye)_ ** _to_ **_Elias Bouchard (Eye)_ **

**Jane Prentiss (Corruption):** Gross

  
  
  


**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**_Divorced Plukas_ ** _has been removed from this chat -_

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠** was being gay on main 

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** For Bitchard?

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠** ye

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂** Gross

  
  


**ARCHIVES**

**_TimothyStoker_** _has added_

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _to the chat_

**TimothyStoker:** Im sorry martinnnnnnnnnnnnn

**TimothyStoker:** yk i love u

**TimothyStoker:** forgive meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

**MartinBlackwood:** fine.

**_TimothyStonker_ ** _set the nickname for_

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _to_ **_Pining on main_ **

**_Pining on main_ ** _set the nickname for_

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _to_ **_AssholeTim_ **

**AssholeTim:** rude

 **_SashaJames_ ** _renamed the chat_ **_Archival Assistants_ **

**SashaJames:** Please keep it professional, everyone.

  
  


**_TimothyStoker_ ** _has created a new chat._

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _has added_ **_SashaJames_ ** _and_ ****

**_MartinBlackwood._ **

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _has named the chat_ **_Work_ **

**_Bitches_ **

**SashaJames:** @MartinBlackwood i see you taking tea to Jon - be an angel and get his FaceBook? 

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _has added_ **_JonathanSims_ **

**_JonathanSims_ ** _set their nickname to_ **_JonSims_ **

**TimothyStoker:** jonathan

**JonSims:** Timothy?

**TimothyStoker:** fuck

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _set his nickname to_ **_TimStonker_ **

**_TimStonker_ ** _set the nickname for_ **_MartinBlackwood_ ** _to_ **_Yearning on main_ **

**Yearning on main:** No.

**_Yearning on main_ ** _set his nickname to_ **_Martin_ **

**JonSims:**????

**Martin:** Don’t worry just Tim being a dick

**JonSims:** Okay, that makes sense. What is this Facebook group supposed to be for, anyway? 

**TimStonker:** Archives gang!!

**SashaJames:** I thought a work chat could be handy 

**SashaJames:** Hope that’s ok!

**JonSims** : Stonker?

**TimStonker:** um

**TimStonker:** that was intentional?


	2. The Arrival Of The Gothfather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I Love My Dead Gay Goth Son

**WORK BITCHES**

**Strip Poker Stoker** _added_ ** _GerardKeay_** _to the chat_

**_Strip Poker Stoker_ ** _ set the nickname for  _ **_GerardKeay_ ** _ to  _ **_The Gothfather._ **

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Who’s this?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** gerry

**Strip Poker Stoker:** he vibes here 

**The god of tea and pining:** Hi Gerry! how do you take your tea?

**The Gothfather:** black like my soul

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** mood

**Strip Poker Stoker:** y’all are drinking milk then?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** fucking  _ disCOSTANG _

**The god of tea and pining:** Jon I know how you drink your tea. 

**The god of tea and pining:** You put far too much honey in to count it as black

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** :(

**The Gothfather:** black coffee or caramel frappuccinos

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** ew coffee

**The god of tea and pining:** :(

**Strip Poker Stoker:** ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** I hate to be unprofessional 

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** But I hate you more

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Coffee drinkers deserve no rights

**Strip Poker Stoker:** you know what, Sash?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** you’re right

**Strip Poker Stoker:** go die, Gerry

**The Gothfather:** rude

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E**

**Your oh so humble Captain:** ok gang coffee v tea 

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** I just drink water

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** Sometimes I put lemon and cucumber in it :)

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** And if I’m feeling frisky, maybe a lime~

**Smoke inhalation’s a bitch, ain’t it?:** red bull

**Stop letting this one inside:** Is Hot Chocolate An Option?

**Stop letting this one inside:** With Cream And Marshmallows

**World’s #1 book fucker:** Ooh yeah! Hot chocolate and a nice book

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** yh hot chocolate hits

**Stop letting this one inside:** :D

**the only one with brain cells left:** I brewed coffee in monster once?

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Battery acid

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Wow

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Very helpful guys

**Your oh so humble Captain:** but also vodka

**let him feed the kitties 2020:** I like tea!!

**Your oh so humble Captain:** t h a n k. y o u. 

**THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS**

**Helen (Distortion/Spiral):** Do we have to invite him to the meeting lol?

**Elias Bouchard (Eye):** ???

**Helen (Distortion/Spiral):** Apologies, wrong chat

**Elias Bouchard (Eye):** what?

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** fUCK

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** lolllllll

**Gwen stacey can fite me:** [slow_clap.gif]

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** point still stands

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** do we HAVE to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we dont know how to deal with compliments but thank you s o much.
> 
> Chat Names:  
> Strip Poker Stoker - Tim  
> Our lovely lesbian mum: - Sasha  
> The god of tea and pining - Martin  
> The Gothfather - Gerry  
> The sad tired guy omg please sleep - Jon
> 
> This was quite short, apologies, but we have the next few pre-written and some of them are l o n g


	3. I am mad because I am angy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim gets hate-crimed for being a simp

**ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS**

**SashaJames:** Hi, so

**SashaJames:** Tim and I got drinks :)

**SashaJames:** (And pedicures, of course)

**SashaJames** : He spent at least an hour talking about Jon

**SashaJames:** You two can yearn together, Martin!

**AssholeTim:** wasn’t just talking ab jon, sash

**AssholeTim:** i was also 

**AssholeTim:** wait

**AssholeTim:** fuck

**AssholeTim:** was only talking abt jon obviously 

**Pining on main:** I am so confused

**AssholeTim:** stay confused

**SashaJames:** Tim was yearning for Jon. You can pine together :)

**SashaJames:** Enjoy!!

**_SashaJames_ ** _ has left the chat _

**AssholeTim:** fuck

**Pining on main:** You like Jon too, Tim??????????

**AssholeTim:** um

**AssholeTim:** ahaha

**AssholeTim:** maybe ;)

**Pining on main:** fucking  _ plot twist _

**_Pining on main_ ** _ renamed  _ **_Asshole Tim_ ** _ to  _ **_Yearning on main_ **

**Yearning on main:** I don’t yearn, I simp

**_Pining on main_ ** _ renamed  _ **_Yearning on main_ ** _ to _ **_Tim Simper_ **

**Tim Simper:** that, and repress my emotions B)

**Tim Simper:** :point_right::sunglasses::point_right:

**Tim Simper:** I hate this fucking app

**Pining on main:** Tim no :(((

**Pining on main:** I’m here if you wanna talk? :)

**_Tim Simper_ ** _ renamed  _ **_Pining on main_ ** _ to _ **_Mumfriend Yearnwood_ **

**Tim Simper:** but low key

**Tim Simper:** pls

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You okay?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** What’s making you sad?

**Tim Simper:** a lot :(

**Tim Simper:** i’m mad bc i’m a n g y

**Tim Simper:** and i’m sad bc 

**Tim Simper:** well

**Tim Simper:** Trauma~

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** :((((((((

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You wanna talk about it?

**Tim Simper:** kinda?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** take your time bb :)

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** you want me to bring some tea? I think there’s a couple biscuits left <33

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ **

**Martin:** Can u give Tim a hug for me?

**Martin:** I would but just left the institute :((

**Martin:** Jon sent me to check out a statement

**Martin:** smthn ab spooders?

**Sasha:** Yeah, of course!

**Sasha:** How come?

**Martin:** he seemed sad D:

**Martin:** he’s gonna vent to me while i walk but he deserves a hug. I brought him tea but had to dash

**Sasha:** Of course! Stay safe :)

**Martin:** will do, love u xxx 

**Sasha:** Love you too x

**_@TimStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ **

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Tim:** sasha

**Sasha:** You okay, Tim?

**Tim:** NO

**Tim:** i think

**Tim:** you know how I was rambling ab marto yesterday

**Tim:** as well as jon

**Sasha:** Yeah?? That’s why I was forcing you to communicate

**Tim:** well

**Tim:** um

**Tim:** fuck

**Tim:** he jsut

**Tim:** i am simping

**Tim:** how is he this adorable?

**Tim:** also he called me ‘bby’ and sent <33 be jealous

**Sasha:** Why would I be jealous? I’m not the one yearning

**Tim:** BC HES AMAZING AND EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE HIM

**Sasha:** :)))))))))))))))))))))))) 

**Sasha:** ‘love’

**Sasha:** Are you...what did you call it? 

**Sasha:** ‘Simping’?

**Tim:** wait fuck

**Tim:** um

**Tim:** im leaving i hate it here

**Tim:** imma go talk to marto instead.

**Sasha:** Gay /j

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't expect this regular posting forever, but we have a backlog and felt bad that the last chapter was short
> 
> All usernames are self explanatory this time we think :))


	4. If I Was A Worm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot Happens..........Kinda

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ ** **:**

**Martin:** would u still love me if i was a worm ;)

**Jon:** ??

**Martin:** never mind, I can’t come in

**Martin:** i have a bit of a bug

**WORK BITCHES:**

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Gerry, please stop Juuling in the archives.

**The Gothfather:** no

**The god of tea and pining:** would y’all still love me if i was a worm??? 

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** You’ve already asked this…….

**The Gothfather:** ?????

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Is this another reference I don’t understand?

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** … You’re spending too much time with Timothy.

**Strip Poker Stoker:** @ _ The god of tea and pining  _ Yes. 

**The god of tea and pining:** sHIT guy stheres a weird worml ady outside my apartmnt she stol emy ohone an di donr know whatt o do she juts gave it bcak pls hlp me

**The god of tea and pining:** Wait @ _ Strip Poker Stoker  _ really?? 

**Strip Poker Stoker:** UwU

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** tim no

**The Gothfather:** tim nO

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Is this ANOTHER reference I don’t understand?

**The god of tea and pining:** this is jane again; martin squeaked and i was curious 

**The god of tea and pining:** also yh tim no

**The Gothfather:** It was on this day that timothy stoker lost his rights

**The Gothfather:** also jane?? Who??

**Strip Poker Stoker:** he squeaked????????????????????? :0

**Strip Poker Stoker:** wait shit we have bigger concerns

**Strip Poker Stoker:** Actually no

**Strip Poker Stoker:** he squeaked! :D

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** tim please

**The Gothfather:** tim pls

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** tim p l s 

**Strip Poker Stoker:** nice of u to show back up boss

**Strip Poker Stoker:** m a y b e we should go save mario?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** *MARIO!

**Strip Poker Stoker:** **MARTO

**Strip Poker Stoker:** I hate it here

**The god of tea and pining:** *MarTIN

**The god of tea and pining:** she gave my phone back

**_Strip Poker Stoker_ ** _ changed  _ **_The god of tea and pining_ ** _ ’s name to  _ **_MahhhTIN_ **

**MahhhTIN:** can someone um come resciue me maybe?

**MahhhTIN:** scary wrom lady’s still here

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** maybe ask if she’ll let u leave?

**MahhhTIN:** she said yh?

**MahhhTIN:** but only if i call her sexy worm lady ????

**The Gothfather:** sounds kinda hetero

**The Gothfather:** But like good luck lmao

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Martin, stop playing around.

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Stay safe, though.

**Strip Poker Stoker:** be careful love u

**MahhhTIN:** turns out she wasn’t lying?

**MahhhTIN:** am omw

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**No thots only worm:** do u think Martin would like me if i give him a worm on a string? 

**No thots only worm:** or several worms on strings?

_ Several people are typing… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you guys still love us if we were worms??????
> 
> (also nobody's allowed to like this anymore we're at 69 kudos)


	5. A Brief Interlude For Pining

**CHAPTER 5 - A Brief Interlude of Pining**

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ ** **:**

**Gerry:** Hey are u staying in the archives tonight?

**Martin:** yeah

**Martin:** Jon put me up in a little airtight room

**Martin:** why?

**Gerry:** I low key live here now lmao

**Gerry:** You wanna get takeout?

**Martin:** sounds nice :))

**Gerry:** There’s a rlly nice thai a couple blocks away?

**Gerry:** can send you the menu link?

**Martin:** sounds nice :)))

**Martin:** wait shit i’ve already said that :(

**Martin:** i’m sorry :(

**Gerry:** nono dont apologise!!

**Gerry:** you’re all good :)))

**Gerry:** it’s kinda cute tbh ;)

**Martin:** askjbfgighdj

**Martin:** :))

**Gerry:** I’ll let you know when it arrives

**Gerry:** acc do u want me to bring it to you?

**Gerry:** we can vibe :)

**Martin:** hate to be predictable but

**Martin:** sounds nice :))))

**Gerry:** ok nice! Driver is 10mins away so will be there soon

**Gerry:** you have a laptop w you?

**Martin:** no :/

**Gerry:** i’ll bring mine if u wanna Netflix and chill?

**Martin:** oh um

**Martin:** -///- 

**Gerry:** and when I say netflix and chill, tim said u never watched She-ra and you HAVE TO

**Martin:** that sounds fun :)

**ARCHIVAL ASSISTANTS**

**_Mumfriend Yearnwood_ ** _ renamed the chat _ **_PINING ON MAIN_ **

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** so uh

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** i think we’ve reached the point where I can um...vent?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I’m staying in the archives

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** and obvi gerry lives here

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** fuck

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** how do i have a yet another crush

**Tim Simper:** ???

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** HE’S SLEEPING ON MY SHOULDER

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** HJSGDKYUGDKS I’M-

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** ADJSVKS I WISH I COULD SEND A PHOTO

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** also you know how he always dresses rlly like???? Cool and like goth and like punk and like hot? With the leather jacket and things? He’s wearing a jumper that’d fit ME

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** it’s still black but like- 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Tim I’m-

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** HDBJAHBJHHBCHDJDHNHBAHDABDH

**Tim Simper:** has martin.exe stopped working?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** YES

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** BHWBGERGCFYWG

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** LOOK AT ME! I’M NOT EVEN REWRITING MY KEYSMASHES

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME

**Tim Simper:** i diagnose u with a casw of

**Tim Simper:** the  _ big _ gay

**Tim Simper:** also the feels

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** :((((((((((((((( helpful

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** u realise i am self aware right?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** anyway time to add this onto my list of hopeless crushes :(

**Tim Simper:** _Tragic_ but I wouldnt say hopeless

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Jon doesn’t even talk to me T-T and

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Gerry was talking ab this Michael person? He didn’t say it but he is clearly pining :( and 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** um

**Tim Simper:** um?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** nope thats it

**Tim Simper:** ???????????

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** thats it two crushes thats all

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** thats it

**Tim Simper:** ‘yet’ another?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** it’s called hyperbole, tim

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Get educated, Tim. We went to college. 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** anyway can we get back to my current breakdown topic thanks?

**Tim Simper:** ok so ur pining?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** HE’S SLEEPING ON ME AND WEARING A COMFY SWEATER AND HIS EYELINER AND LIPSTICK HAVE SMUDGED A BIT AND I KINDA WANNA KISS HIM AND AHHHHH 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** and he bought me food and insisted on paying and then we watched netflix and he was  _ c u d d l i n g _ w me :’)

**Tim Simper:** gayyy

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** why did I think u would be helpful smh

**Tim Simper:** i’m sorry bby :) love u

**_Mumfriend Yearnwood_ ** _ is typing... _

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ ** **:**

**Martin:** hi sasha rlly sorry to bother u 

**Martin:** but um 

**Martin:** i have no non-work friends and um you are the only one i can message ab this

**Sasha:** Hi Martin!! Are you alright?

**Martin:** i think i might have a crush on all the others um

**Martin:** no offence to you!!! 

**Martin:** am not into wamen

**Sasha:** No offence taken, I am not into anyone

**Sasha:** But Martin?? It's 3am????

**Sasha:** I’m up anyway, so don’t worry, but why are you having a relationship crisis? Just out of curiosity

**Martin:** so uh you know ab Jon already. But Gerry is currently sleeping on me? And tim sent me ‘ i’m sorry bby :) love u’ and it made my heart do a thing 

**Martin:** gay brain go brrrrrr 

**Martin:** anyway go sleep sasha i’ll just have my breakdown quietly :’)

**Sasha:** Good luck 

**_@TimStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ ** **:**

**Tim:** SASHA I FUCKED UP I SAID I LOVE YOU TO MARTIN WHAT

**Tim:** I MEAN TECHNICALLY I SAID I LOVE U

**Tim:** WHICH COULD BE PLATONIC

**Tim:** BUT HE LEFT ME ON READ

**Tim:** SASH WHAT IF HE  _ HATES ME _

**Tim:** SASHA I SAID I LOVE U

**Sasha:** lmao

**Sasha:** I’ve heard

**Tim:** improper grammar??? Who are u and what did u do to sasha

**Sasha:** This is Not!!l!! Sasha, she’s ded. This is 3am Sasha. Fear me

**Sasha:** Lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're sorry, Lemon TRIED to control us but the yearning was too strong


	6. Bully Gerry Hours (But Like...Lovingly <3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elias unfortunately makes an appearance

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** Can i add my bf?

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** bf???

**The clown fucks lads:** bf??????

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** bf???????

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** bf???????

**No thots only worm:** michael!!!!! you didn’t tell us you had a boyfriend?!?!?!?!?

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** BEST friend

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** NOT BOYFRIEND

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** BEST FRIEND

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** i mean i wish but

**_F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂_ ** _ unsent the last message _

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** gay

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** gay 

**No thots only worm:** g a y

**The clown fucks lads:** That Is Pretty Gay!

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** gay :)

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** fuck off

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** but also can I?

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** His name is Gerry he knows abt us!!!

**No thots only worm:** is he an avatar tho 

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** i mean no but

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** then no

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** he hates leitner and once told Elias to go fuck himself

**No thots only worm:** ADD HIM

**The clown fucks lads:** Add Him, Michael! An Enemy Of Elias Is One Of Us

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** ADD HIM

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** ADD H I M

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** yeah add him dude

**_F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂_ ** _ added  _ **_GerardKeay_ **

**_The clown fucks lads_ ** _ renamed  _ **_GerardKeay_ ** _ to  _ **_“She doesn’t even go here!”_ **

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** um hi what is this place?

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** GERRY!!!!!!!!!!

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** Hi Mikey <3

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyy

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** Hi everyone else :))

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** @ Sky fucker but a manlet  rude 

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** what??? I didn’t get to say it before ok

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** valid

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** not valid!! We’re gonna be nice to Gerry!!

**No thots only worm:** lol nah

**No thots only worm:** don’t be a  _ coward _

**No thots only worm:** @ ‘mikey’ ^

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** nO 

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ :** i hate you all

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** :(((

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂ : @** “She doesn’t even go here!” you are the only exception <3

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  
  


**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss:_ **

**Elias:** Hi Jane

**Elias:** Remember when I asked you to fuck with Jon to leave him ‘marked’ 

**Elias:** That was Martin, not Jon, Prentiss.

**Jane:** Haha yh ik

**Jane:** I wanted to be his friend :))))

**Jane:** It didn’t work :((((((

**Elias:** Well could you perhaps get over it and bother Jon????

**Jane:** if I bother Jon will you leave the chat and help me befriend martin??

**Elias:** No

**Jane:** Then No.

**Jane:** If i bother Jon will u fuck off? <3

**Elias:** Okay?

**Jane:** Then sure!! But im not gonna hurt him then Martin would never be my friend :(

**Elias:** You care far too much for these people

**Jane:** He was pining ok it was hilarious

**Jane:** Who tf is pines when theres

**Jane:** wORM

**Jane:** I would die for him <3

**Elias:** What the fuck?

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**No thots only worm:** Elias told me to fuck w Jon any ideas?

**No thots only worm:** dont wanna hurt him bc i want martin to be my frend

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** ?????????????????????

**No thots only worm:** Oh!!! Gerry!!! Are there any good ways to sneak into the archives?

**No thots only worm:** With w o r m s

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** um????

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** why????

**No thots only worm:** If i do Elias will fuck off

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** Ok valid will send u a lil map sketch thing. The wall in Jon’s office connects to tunnels

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** If u hurt anyone i will be mad and a n g y

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** I will burn ur worms

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** I’ll help, G!!

**“She doesnt even go here!”:** <3

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  
  


**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** Hey babe I met one of ur coworkers

**Gerry:** fuck

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** Her name was Sasha! She was nice :)

**Gerry:** ok valid at least its not one of the pining gay idiots

**Gerry:** will go do damage control

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** I love you

**Gerry:** um love u too um

**WORK BITCHES:**

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Hey Jon, when you’re free I’d like to give a statement?

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** I met this very strange and slightly unsettling man

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** And also another worm victim

**The Gothfather:** Oh that’s just my bf

**The Gothfather:** Mikey, not the worm guy

**MahhhTIN:** Omg you asked him out?????? Or did he ask you????? congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**The Gothfather:** Okay um *a future bf

**The Gothfather:** He typed I love you and I cried

**MahhhTIN:** Mood

**_MahhhTIN_** _unsent the last message_

**Strip Poker Stoker:** God Gerry ur yearning is showing

**The Gothfather:** oops

**The Gothfather:** i’m right tho y’all should meet him

**The Gothfather:** Martin are you staying here tonight luv?

**The Gothfather:** I can get him to come say hi?

**The god of tea and pining:** Um actually,,,,,, Jon said I could stay w him tonight,,,,,,,,,, but we’ll probs be staying late? You’ve seen his work schedule

**The Gothfather:** ur staying w Jon? Jealous

**_The Gothfather_ ** _ unsent their last message _

**The Gothfather:** will ask Michael to come say hi during the day then :))

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** I’m free whenever you are, Sasha

  
  


**_@TimStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**Tim:** I saw that :)))

**Tim:** Before u unsent :)))))))

**Tim:** We caught you :)))))))))))

**Gerry:** Fuck

**Tim:** Dw it’s a mood

**Tim:** So anyway Jar since we caught u simping on main

**Tim:** U wanna join me and Martin’s simping-over-Jon chat?

**Tim:** In which we are hopeless gays 

**Gerry:** Tim did u just call me JAR????

**Tim:** Yh what ab it?

**Tim:** u wanna join?

**Gerry:** fuck it yeah why not

**PINING ON MAIN**

**_TimSimper_ ** _ added _ **_GerardKeay_ **

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** TIM WHAT THE FUCK

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** WE WERE MAKING A NEW CHAT I THOUGHT

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** GERRY DONT SCROLL UP

**GerardKeay:** ???????????

**_Mumfriend Yearnwood_ ** _ removed _ **_GerardKeay_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longgg please don't expect the rest to be this big


	7. The Simpening (Act 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you guys told lemon not to hold us back so they respectfully did not intervene (we love you lemonnn)

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ has created a new chat _

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ added _ **_GerardKeay_ ** _ and  _ **_TimStoker_ **

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ has named the chat  _ **_“simping for Jon club”_ ** __

**_TimStoker_** _has changed_ ** _MartinBlackwoods_** _name_ _to_ ** _Mumfriend Yearnwood_**

**_Mumfriend Yearnwood_** _has changed_ ** _TimStoker’s_** _name_ _to_ ** _TimSimper_**

**_TimSimper_** _has changed_ ** _GerardKeay’s_** _name_ _to_ ** _Monsterfucker_**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood :** really sorry about that

**TimSimper:** aaaaaaaaaaa i forgot a convo we had on that chat 

**TimSimper:** marto is a rlly private person

**TimSimper:** And a hopeless lil gay

**Monsterfucker:** thats ok

**Monsterfucker:** aren’t we all

**Monsterfucker:** also monsterfucker?????

**TimSimper:** Michael

**TimSimper:** speaking of can i meet him too or does only marto get to meet him

**Monsterfucker:** Yeah will see if he can come now?

**Monsterfucker:** He’s in the breakroom :)))))))

**TimSimper:** omg he’s f r i e n d s h a p e d

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** does he like hugs???

**TimSimper:** good hUG

**Monsterfucker:** He gives rlly good hugs :)))))))))))))))))))))

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** :0 <3

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You were right Gerry he gives brilliant hugs :))))))

**TimSimper:** Statement of Timothy Stoker regarding the best hug he has ever recieved

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** rude

**TimSimper:** You have never hugged me marto :’(

**TimSimper:** Not even once :((((((((

**TimSimper:** You’re the rude one

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I’ve hugged you!!

**TimSimper:** Yh but not properly :(((( only quick hugs

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Then come tf here, Simper

**TimSimper:** :)))))))))))))

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** … We should probably stop texting in the same room

**TimSimper:** No <3

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** will not hug you until you put your phone away and come over here

**TimSimper:** bye bye phone

**_@Gerard Keay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Gerry:** r tim and martin in love too?

**Sasha:** yes

**Sasha:** Rule of thumb, usually if they don’t want to brutally pipe murder each other, they are simping so immensely hard.

**Gerry:** called it

**_@TimStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Tim:** SASH MARTO JUST HUGGED ME

**Tim:** WAIT NO NOT HUGGED

**Tim:** HE C U D D L E D ME

**Tim:** hes so soft im gonna cry sasha :’)

**Tim:** i have never been more comfortable i want him to hug me again

**Tim:** two best ever hugs in one day :’)))))

**Sasha:** Your simp is showing

**Sasha:** Wait who’s the other hug?

**Tim:** gerry’s bf go hug him now 

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Martin:** u were right am simping

**Martin:** for tim

**Sasha:** Again? Really?

**Martin:** :(((( rude

**Martin:** he sat on my lap ok im allowed

**Sasha:** Thats quite spicy if I may say

**Martin:** PLATONICALLY

**Sasha:** s _ u r e i t w a s _

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E**

**Your oh so humble Captain:** so um 

**Your oh so humble Captain:** friends and crewmates

**Your oh so humble Captain:** What does it mean if two of my co workers are cuddling (at work) and i wanna join?

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** you’re touch starved?

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** I would diagnose you with pining

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Oh shit I thought I’d grown out of that

**the only one with brain cells left:** ???????????? that isn’t a thing?

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** People dont ‘grow out’ of feeling emotions Jonny

**Your oh so humble Captain:** oh

**Your oh so humble Captain:** don’t they?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** guess im just emotionally repressed then lol

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** sAme

**Worlds #1 book fucker:** Are you okay, Jon?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** probably not

**Your oh so humble Captain:** i think i wanna join a cuddle sandwich :’)

**Stop letting this one inside:** I’ll Cuddle You Jonny!

**Stop letting this one inside:** Anybody Else Want To Come Over For Hugs?

**Stop letting this one inside:** I Will Lie On A Heater So I’m Not Too Hard And Plastic

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** um wtf?

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** but also yeah will be over in 15

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Cuddle pile?

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** Cuddle pile. 

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Ten I, too will be coming over 

  
  


**WORK BITCHES:**

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Am heading out early today

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Feel free to do the same

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** @ _ MahhhTIN _ I have left you my spare key, feel free to let yourself in. 

**Strip Poker Stoker:** where u going? got a hot date? ;)

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** No??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol gayyy


	8. The Mechs Love Their Tired Bastard Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arson stop projecting <3

**_@TimStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Tim:** ur staying w jon righttt?

**Tim:** if he’s letting u stay~

**Tim:** you should do something for him ;)

**Tim:** in exchange ;)

**Martin:** Like cook?

**Tim:** oh marto :’)

**Tim:** bby no :’)

**Tim:** it’s fine have fun lmao

**Tim:** cooking works :’)

  
  


**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonSims:_ **

**Martin:** What time are you getting in and do you want food?

**Martin:** You’re letting me stay, so I’d like to do something nice for you :)

**Martin:** Like cook?

**Jon:** Not sure when I’ll be back...

**Jon:** Currently with friends, will text when I leave.

**Jon:** No need for food but help yourself .

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimStoker:_ **

**Martin:** He didn’t want food :(((

**Martin:** You think he acc wants me there or is he like

**Martin:** being nice

**Martin:** I don’t want to annoy him or anything? Like by being in his space

**Martin:** shit do you think he left early to avoid me?????????????

**Martin:** I just don’t want to bother him

**Tim:** the idea of you bothering ANYONE is hilarious marto

**Martin:** Maybe I should just go back to the archives? Or my flat?

**Martin:** I don’t want to be a burden or anything

**Martin:** Tho I mean you’ve heard him. “He’s unlikely to contribute anything more than delays”. Not like it’s avoidable.

**Tim:** doN’T YOU DARE

**Tim:** DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE

**Tim:** YOU ARE NOT A NURDEN I WILL ACTUALLY F I G H T YOU

**Tim: *** BURDEN*AND IF JON THINKS THAT I WILL FIGHT H I M 

**Tim:** FUCK

**Tim:** also what? He said that?

**Tim:** fun fact my crush has just evaporated lol it no longer exists

**Tim:** -10/10 would not simp again >:(

**Tim:** i’ll simp for you instead you deserve it more

**Martin:** Please don’t

**Martin:** I don’t deserve it 

**Martin:** I mean look at jon then look at me lmao

**Tim:** MARTIN WHAT IN THE  _ ACTUAL  _ F U C K

**Tim:** MARTIN I LOVE YOU

**Tim:** YOU DESERVE THE ENTIRE ASS W O R L D

**Tim:** YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL HUMAN BEING

**Tim:** APPEARANCE TOO DON’T THINK I MISSED THAT BIT OF SELF DEPRECATION MARTIN YOU ARE 

**Tim:** THICCER THAN A FUCKING SNICCER

**Tim:** IN CONCLUSION YOURE  _ REALLY  _ H O T

**Tim:** WILL NOT ACCEPT YOU DISAGREEING

**Tim:** MARTIN DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE IGNORE ME MARTIN LET ME GIVE YOU MY L O V E 

**_@JonSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Jon:** Hi this is Jon’s friend

**Jon:** Yes he does want food, he’s just a stubborn tit who doesn’t want to take care of himself

**Jon:** Wait are you work Martin???????????????????? From the Archives???????? Like  _ the  _ Martin?!??? Jon talks abt you!!!

**Martin:** oh

**Martin:** yeah i am

**Martin:** i’m sorry :/

**Jon:** T E A MARTIN

**Jon:** YOU’RE TEA MARTIN

**Jon:** Hi This Is Nikola Please Teach Me To Make Good Tea! Jon Talks About Your Tea! He Said It Makes Him Soft! Does He Mean His Skin?

**Jon:** He Does Not Like My Tea D:

**Jon:** Maybe I Don’t Put Enough Teeth In It

**_MartinBlackwood_** _is typing…_

**Jon:** hi this is basira. Gonna get TS to leave u be but hi martin!!! You are bb :)

**Martin:** um??

**Jon:** bc u make Jonny happy and he’s grumpy most of the time so it’s a relief for us

**Jon:** And Because You Make Him To Do Skin Care :D

**Jon:** thanks nik? Anyway we’re gonna pass on jonny’s love bc he won’t do it himself bc he is too much of a COWARD to show emotion

**Martin:** um... thank you? :)

**Martin:** do any of you know what food Jon likes?

**Jon:** nope not a clue but pls feed him the man is too skinny he’s elbowed me SIX TIMES and it hurts :(

**Jon:** He lives off caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and spite

**Jon:** Save him pls

**Jon:** also Brian has told him he has to eat or he won’t be invited to cuddle pile next time so dont worry about convincing him:)))))))))

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Martin:** lol sorry for being sad on main

**Martin:** and then disappearing oops

**Martin:** can we forget that ever happened?

**Tim:** NEVAH!! You need to feel my love!!

**Tim:** and love yourSELF

**Martin:** lol nah <3

**Tim:** mother fUCKER-

**Martin:** but anyway i have IMPORTANT INFORMATION THIS CAN WAIT

**Tim:** ?!?!?

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay lads! also nobody is allowed to comment anymore we have 69 comments and...nice :)


	9. Jon exists and Martin is G A Y™

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a LOT of gay  
> Double posting bc we felt bad

**simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** We all know I love Jon but what the fuck 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** He has NOTHING in his fridge 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Orange juice, one of those tiny bottles of milk, half a block of cheese, like 2 eggs and carrots? 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I was planning to cook for him but what the fuck? 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Also? His entire house is like a library he has like 50 cooking books and NO FUCKING FOOD TO COOK WHAT THE FUCK JON???

**Tim Simper:** martin are you okay?

**Tim Simper:** i have literally never seen you this worked up about anything

**Tim Simper:** including scary worm lady 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Yeah? She was scary but I am WORRIED FOR JON

**Monsterfucker:** have wondered this before but

**Monsterfucker:** how is that man still alive?

**Tim Simper:** We Do Not Know

**Tim Simper:** spite, probably?

**Monsterfucker:** lol mood

**Monsterfucker:** did i ever tell yall how i’m still alive?

**Tim Simper:** no?

**Monsterfucker:** s p i t e

**Monsterfucker:** also the gay™

**Monsterfucker:** bc looking at mikey adds YEARS to my life :)

**Tim Simper:** lol gay

**Monsterfucker:** i know

**Tim Simper:** also marto werent u gonna cook for jon? Bc h o w

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Yeah. He has mac and cheese ingredients I guess? 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I’ll probably go shopping tomorrow? Buy some actual food?

**Tim Simper:** ooh mac and cheese 

**Tim Simper:** you’ve never cooked for me marto :(

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You’ve never invited me to stay with you

**Tim Simper:** then fucking come stay with me. 

**Tim Simper:** wait do you cook or c o o k.

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** C o o k? I guess? I mean it’s fun?

**Tim Simper:** marry me

**Monsterfucker:** g a y

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Martin:** Tim said ‘marry me’

**Martin:** I am gonna DIE Sasha

**Martin:** shfbhsjshsdhjsdjhdsjh

**Sasha:** Are you okay, Martin?

**Martin:** Lol no. am PINING and Tim is not HELPING

**_@JonSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Jon:** I’m leaving now

**Jon:** Should be with you in 20

**Jon:** I apologise for my friends. You really don’t need to cook for me

**Jon:** Believe it or not I can actually take care of myself

**Jon:** HI! This Is Nikola!! Believe It Or Not He Really Can’t

**Martin:** I’ll cook either way. You’re being rlly kind letting me stay, I want to do something in exchange. How’s mac and cheese work?

**Jon:** Macaroni and cheese sounds amazing, Martin, thank you. But you really don’t have to

**simping for Jon club**

**_Mumfriend Yearnwood_ ** _ sent a photo  _ [Photo I.D a homemade macaroni cheese]

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** fun fact

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** The man I am in love with doesn’t even own BREAD

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** A true hopeless case

**Tim Simper:** Make some

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I wanted to but he doesn’t have FLOUR!!! 

**Tim Simper:** wait i was joking 

**Tim Simper:** you can MAKE BREAD???

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** yeah people make bread Tim

**Tim Simper:** NO I MEAN Y O U

**Tim Simper:** thats kinda hot

**Monsterfucker:** that’s kinda g a y

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Tim I've brought bread into work before?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Tim I make sourdough like every week

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Tim you’ve had my bread!!

**Monsterfucker:** wait you made that?

**Monsterfucker:** hate to channel Tim on main but 

**Monsterfucker:** marry me

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Martin:** SASHA

**Martin:** F U C K

**Sasha:** I’m not even going to ask

**Sasha:** Martin stop being a useless gay challenge?

**Martin:** rude :(

**simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** hi Jon is back

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** AND HE JUST PUT AN ENTIRE TABLESPOON OF CHILLI FLAKES IN THE MAC AND CHEESE?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** DOES HE JUST EAT CHILLI FLAKES!?!?!?!?!

**Tim Simper:** probably

**Monsterfucker:** yepppp

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E**

**Your oh so humble Captain:** is it weird if i ask my coworker-who's-staying-in-my-flat if he wants to watch a documentary or something?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** he looks like he gives good hugs

**Your oh so humble Captain:** or I could just ask him for a hug right??

**Your oh so humble Captain:** no that’s probs weird?

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** You are a hopeless homosexual

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** lmao I told you you were touch starved?

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** it’s not weird lmao, go hug Martin

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Are you Okay Jon?

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** go get the first of many. Soon - cuddle piles

**Your oh so humble Captain:** we had a cuddle pile earlier?

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Brian stop being cryptic challenge 

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** no <3

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** I fought for these prophetic powers and I WILL use them

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** Brian you realise just bc your character can do prophecy that doesnt mean you can?

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Lol can’t I?

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** That sounds like a challenge, Marius

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Brian KEEP being cryptic challenge

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Brian nO

**Worlds #1 book fucker:** BRIAN NO

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** Brian no

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Brian no

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** BrIan PLEAse nO

**Stop letting this one inside:** Brian Yes!!!!

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** Nikola nO

**Stop letting this one inside:** D: But Marius You Were My Favourite

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** ....Nikola yes???

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** MARIUS NO

**Stop letting this one inside:** So Easily Manipulated :D

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** :O

**Your oh so humble Captain:** You guys are no help anyway life update we are watching the princess bride bc it is apparently a ‘crime’ and ‘travesty’ that I have not seen it

**Your oh so humble Captain:** And also I am cuddling him instead of paying attention

**Your oh so humble Captain:** He smells like vanilla? And also tea? And kinda like lavender and baking bread? It’s nice :))

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** gay

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Gay

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** gayyy

**Your oh so humble Captain:** cuddling can be platonic, guys

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** you are describing how he SMELLS, Jonathan

**Your oh so humble Captain:** and?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** wait

**Your oh so humble Captain:** SHIT


	10. Mike Yaoihands stop stalking Jon from the ceiling challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uwu hope y’all like gay shit

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** hey babe  Ɛ>

**Gerry:** hey love whats up?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** sooo like um 👉👈 I  _ may _ have been caught spying on the Archivist?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** the hands are too short :(((

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** anyway yh he noticed me :/

**Gerry:** he noticed you?

**Gerry:** lucky lol

**Gerry:** martin would be jealous

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** yeah i was painting my nails and the paint dripped onto his desk

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it’s bc i was using a brush

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i normally just dip my nails in paint cans but i was bored and it looked fun

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you think he’s angry?

**Gerry:** idk did he do anything??

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** stared?

**Gerry:** I mean valid, you are pretty 

**Gerry:** was gonna use an adjective so like pretty eye catching or fixating or something but you know what?

**Gerry:** pretty fits

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** u-fucking-wu

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** babe :’)))

**_M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠_ ** _ sent a photo  _ [Photo I.D it’s a uno reverse card but where the colour should be there is instead many eye straining neons in a swirling manner]

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also i think jon was judging my nails but his are painted black so he has NO RIGHT

**Gerry:** whats wrong with black nails?

**Gerry:** also did you just uno reverse me??? bitch

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** they’re YOUR colour! The Archivist doesnt get to s t e a l i t it suits you better

**Gerry:** you steal all my uwus <3

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** cancelled

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** blocked and reported

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** c r i n g e

**Gerry:** :’(((

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** no bby im sorry i love u

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** full homo

**Gerry:** :’))

  
  


**WORK BITCHES:**

**MahhhTIN:** did i just hear michael???????

**Strip Poker Stoker:** michael’s here???? where???? i want hugs

**MahhhTIN:** idk i can just hear him like in the walls 

**MahhhTIN:** he yelped and now he’s laughing but like….sad?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** **_@_** _The Gothfather_ summon michael i want hugs

**The Gothfather:** i wish i could but he’s low key having a crisis

**The Gothfather:** i want mikey hugs too :(

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Michael is here? Is that safe?

**The Gothfather:** yh hes fine he’s just crying bc jon seemed to be judging his nail polish :(

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** IT WAS YELLOW 

**Strip Poker Stoker:** marto wore yellow nail polish last week?

**Strip Poker Stoker:** it was cute :))

**MahhhTIN:** I was just trying out. Jon’s right it’s not a very good colour :(

**Strip Poker Stoker:** it was cute FITE ME

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** i’m sure it looked nice on your not-metre-long fingernails Martin

**simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** does that count as a compliment??????

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** i mean at least he’s noticed that my nails AREN’T a metre long

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** that’s a win right??

**Tim Simper:** oh martin :(

**Tim Simper:** bby

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** Also Gerry? Why WAS your boyfriend in my ceiling?

**The Gothfather:** he’s not my bf :(

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** hey so um i can see Jon’s phone 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** and uh do u want to?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** be my bf I mean 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** or like go on a date? 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** lmao jk no worries im not asking you out or anything u dont gotta let me down gently

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: ….** unless like you want me to?

**Gerry:** did u just ‘hahaha jk….unless?’ me???

**Gerry:** bc like if you asked me out i would say yes ;)

**Gerry:** but like no pressure if you’re not serious 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** if you’re serious then im serious

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** Gerry babe, would u like to go on a date with me?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** or uh would u like to be my boyfriend

**Gerry:** um both?

**Gerry:** if you’re serious?

**Gerry:** I really like you a whole lot

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** well shit bro me too 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** like a LOT a lot

**Gerry:** I like you a lot a lot too 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** :))))) so bfs? 

**Gerry:** bfs x

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** :))))))))) 

**Gerry:** love u mikey

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** while we’re here...um...do u mean love like ‘ur my best friend and i love you’ or like ‘im in love w you’

**Gerry:** um..

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** bc either way I love you too 

**Gerry:** wait really? 

**Gerry:** i’ve been pining over u for ages am not gonna lie

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** no way???? 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** like mood? 

**Gerry:** ok but why tf are u still in the ceiling? come see me. Am grinning like a madman and also I want a HUG

**Gerry:** babe ;) 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** my fucking HEART i will be right there

  
  


**WORK BITCHES**

**The Gothfather:** um never mind 

**The Gothfather:** he is :)))

**Mahhhtin:** Hate to say it but  _ finally _ !

**Strip Poker Stoker:** gayyyyyy

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** OK, but why was he in my office though? 

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** Congratulations!! 

**The Gothfather** : okay at least Sasha’s nice to me 

**Our lovely lesbian mum:** You are officially the last to know!!!

**The Gothfather:** nvm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> will Jon’s question ever be answered the world may never know


	11. Tim don't steal my sexuality plz

**WORK BITCHES**

**_Our lovely lesbian mum_ ** _ has renamed _ **_Strip Poker Stoker_ ** _ to  _ **_stop stealing my sexuality_ **

**_stop stealing my sexuality_ ** _ has renamed _ **_our lovely lesbian mum_ ** _ to  _ **_Our awesome aro mum_ **

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** ??????

**Our awesome aro mum:** He’s poly 

**Our awesome aro mum:** I’m aro 

**Our awesome aro mum:** Simple logic; the arsehole stole my sexuality 

**The Gothfather:** poly gang!!!

**stop stealing my sexuality:** poly gang!!!

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** if ur both poly which of u stole my sexuality? 

**stop stealing my sexuality:** That’s a secret I’ll never tell~

  
  


**simping for Jon club**

**Tim Simper:** guess he’s aro then :(((((

**Monsterfucker:** f in the chat

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : f 

**Tim Simper** : f

**Monsterfucker:** f 

**WORK BITCHES**

**The Gothfather:** do u want it back? I can steal some of mikeys 

**The Gothfather:** he can steal more from hallway people 

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** ??????? 

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** also nah 

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** ace is a vibe 

**Our awesome aro mum:** Aro-Ace solidarity 

**Our awesome aro mum:** Hang on, maybe we share a sexuality?

**Our awesome aro mum:** I’m pan/bisexual aromantic?

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** biro ace 

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** pun intended 

**Our awesome aro mum:** What pun?

**The sad tired guy omg please sleep:** like the pen? I dont know it popped into my head and i had to say it idk I’m tired

**Our awesome aro mum:** ?????

**stop stealing my sexuality:** jon get some fucking sleep challenge

**_stop stealing my sexuality_ ** _ has renamed _ **_The sad tired guy omg please sleep_ ** _ to  _ **_The sad tired gAy omg please sleep_ **

**simping for Jon club**

**Tim Simper:** so he’s ace! not aro! big happy

**Tim Simper:** guess I’m out of the running then tho 

**Tim Simper:** my one quality is hot 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : lies 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : so many lies 

**Tim Simper:** no

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : you’re kind, and funny - but your jokes are never to hurt other people which is really refreshing - and you have a really nice laugh, and you give amazing hugs, and you’re just like really interesting? and when you talk ab something you’re passionate about your eyes just light up

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : and you tell stories really well, and know almost as much pointless but fascinating information as Jon does only yours is about podcasts and tv and obscure mythology and buildings, and like him you can make it s o interesting? 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : though acc I guess the buildings knowledge is actually often quite useful in our job 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : and yeah, you’re hot, but that’s not your only quality. 

**Tim Simper:** oh um

**Tim Simper:** I didn’t know you felt that strongly 

**Tim Simper:** um

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : you’re one of my best friends Tim :) 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood** : I’m not gonna let you put yourself down 

**Monsterfucker:** well that was fucking gay lmao 

**Monsterfucker:** am I third wheeling y’all here?

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**Tim:** MARTIN JUST COMPLIMENTED ME AND IT WAS REAL SWEET BUT THEN HE

**Tim:** F R I E N D Z O N E D M E

**Tim:** wait shit that was meant to be to sasha

**Tim:** ehh fuck it polygang guess what i’m also maybe slightly in love w marto

**Gerry:** 👁👄👁 Oh Wow. Oh My God I’m SO Surprised. That Wasn’t Obvious At All.

**Tim:** okay well fuck you then

**Gerry:** I Totally Didn’t Call This The D A Y I Was Added To The Chat

**Tim:** i am being BULLIED

**Gerry:** lmao

**Tim:** you are no help

**Gerry:** lmao

**Tim:** :((((((

**Gerry:** feel free to vent to me ab martin being cute though

**Tim:** :))))))))))))))

**Gerry:** oh god should i regret that offer????

**Tim:** yes

**Tim:** ok so im kinda stressed?? Bc he’s so fucking adorable?? Like have you ever hugged him he is s o comfortable?? And just his existence gives me s e r o t o n i n????

**Tim:** like i see him and my day gets better and i stg i like him more than ive liked anyone (even jon) and dhjssjjgsjg hes just so,,,,,,,you know??? 

**Tim:** like his smile and his hands and the way he hums under his breath when he thinks nobody is listening and the way he’s memorised how all of us like our tea and he has a list in his phone of all our dietary requirements???

**Tim:** which he didn't even ask for he just like remembered them from conversations??????? And i just djshhjshghsghhg i am simping s o fucking hard for this walking-representation-of-anxiety. 

**Gerry:** avatar of anxiety lmao

**Tim:** ???

**Tim:** anyway stop distracting me i’m pining

**Tim:** you’ve got me off topic now fuck

**Tim:** i just have so many emotions

**Tim:** no thoughts head empty only martin

**Tim:** okay but like anyway moving on from marto being a GOD amongst men, and the actual perfect human who can c o o k and b a k e and gives the actual best hugs that puts michael to shame and has FRECKLES and looks so adorable? soft man i would die for him the only valid person and also he’s like??? taller than me??? like im tall im used to being the taller person and yet marto is TALLER and honestly??? didn’t realise i’d find that so hot???

**Gerry:** i thought you were moving on?

**Gerry:** tho mood lmao

**Tim:** OKAY FINE IM MOVING ON OK he didn’t mention being poly and ik he’s real into jon and so probably is Not Into Me 

**Tim:** bc that would’ve been not-scary right? Bc WE both came out and Sash came out likee???

**Tim:** so I guess i have a crush on TWO non-poly people :((

**Gerry:** big sad lmao

**Gerry:** they might be though??

**Gerry:** idk marto has those v i b e s tbf?

**Gerry:** mikey is which is a win <3 

**Tim:** lucky shit

**Gerry:** i really am :)))

**Tim:** you’re not helpful :(((((

**Gerry:** i know but i am SIMPING for my BOYFRIEND is that not allowed?

**Tim:** no <3

**Gerry:** you break my heart, timathan stroke

**Tim:** :))))))))))))))

**Gerry:** no michael hugs for you then

**Tim:** :(((((((((((((((((((((

**Gerry:** i am drunk on this power


	12. WROM ON STRONG

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We have moved back to plot. Kind of. Maybe. A little bit. Don’t expect much. Do expect to hate us by the end of this chapter. We're not sorry

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**No thots only worm:** thank u gerry for the help am now hidden in the archives :))

 **No thots only worm:** well the worms are anyway but they are A Part Of Me

 **No thots only worm:** can hear jon doing the statements and lmao there’s some creepy shit right there

 **No thots only worm:** but also this one is about a homophobic vase and it’s HILARIOUS

 **No thots only worm:** i guess sometimes the pots don't like the gays

 **F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** betrayed by our own creation 

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠ :** is it time to cancel ourselves, michael?

 **F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** yes, I believe it is, helen.

 **F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** the spiral is cancelled for home of phobia

 **The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** I thought the institute was the home of phobia?

 **No thots only worm:** sjdsjdhhjshdhjhd

 **No thots only worm:** i hate that oliver

 **No thots only worm:** but also yes

 **Sky fucker but a manlet:** elias is both homophobic and gay

 **Sky fucker but a manlet:** i will not take constructive criticism

 **Fite me Gwen Stacy:** no you’re right and you should say it

 **No thots only worm:** Anabelle am real sorry but mr archivist just killed a spider

 **No thots only worm:** wait shit

 **No thots only worm:** shit shit shit

 **No thots only worm:** shit shit shit shit shit

 **No thots only worm:** i wasn’t r e a d y

 **Fire simp:** You okay??

 **the OG sky fucker:** everything good?

 **Fite me Gwen Stacy:** bby no!! Also are u alright jane?

 **No thots only worm:** _@“She doesn’t even go here!”_ forgive me. Invasion of worms eta now bc your archivist KNOCKED OVER A BOOKCASE 

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** ah fuck

 **No thots only worm:** have told worms to be nice?? My fingers are crossed?

  
  


**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Tim, Gerry, stay out of the archives. Prentiss has found us

 **The Gothfather:** lol i know where are you all?

 **Mahhhtin:** The room I was staying in. Prentiss is nearby, I think. You need to leave. Have you seen Tim???

 **Our awesome aro mum:** Hang on, you know??

 **The Gothfather:** um. no, i havent seen tim - dont know if he’s back yet :/

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** _@stop stealing my sexuality_ Tim please check this chat, you need to get out of the archives

  
  


**@JonathanSims** messaged **@EliasBouchard**

 **Jon:** Elias, the archive is under attack, you need to get people out. You replaced the fire alarm system with co2 right? 

**Elias:** New phone who this?

 **Elias:** lol

 **Jon:** ELIAS THIS IS MESSENGER IT HAS MY NAME ON

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** TIM WE CAN SEE YOU PRENTISS IS THERE GET OUT

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** TIM PLEASE CHECK YOUR PHONE PLEASE RUN

 **Mahhhtin:** TIM PLEASE!!! 

**The Gothfather:** why don’t you just yell?

 **Mahhhtin:** SOUNDPROOFE

 **Mahhhtin:** TIM PLEASE

 **Mahhhtin:** TIM

 **Mahhhtin:** T I M

 **Mahhhtin:** Tim please i am actually begging you why the fuck are your notifications always off

 **Mahhhtin:** shit 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** have told martin to put away his phone because he’s started hyperventilating - Gerry if theres anything you can do please do it

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** s h i t

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** SHIT

 **Our awesome aro mum:** To explain - Martin just sprinted out of the room. I’m going to try and stop jon from having an actual breakdown but may not be successful

 **Our awesome aro mum:** Gerry, could you maybe get in touch with Elias? Or see if there’s anything Michael can do?

 **The Gothfather:** ok do you know what happened to tim and martin though???

 **Our awesome aro mum:** We can’t see, I’m sorry Gerry, it’s not looking good...

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _messaged_ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:_ **

**Gerry:** hi babe would you mind me using your corridors? the institute is under attack and I need to get to the others

 **M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** be with you in a moment love <3

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**No thots only worm:** MARTIN LEFT THE ROOM

 **No thots only worm:** I HAVE WORMS ON STRINGS FOR HIM

 **No thots only worm:** THEY ARE R A I N B O W

 **No thots only worm:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**WORK BITCHES**

**Mahhhtin:** hi we’re both fine but Prentiss is chasing us

 **Mahhhtin:** i hid away spare co2 canisters so we’re both armed 

**Mahhhtin:** are you guys okay?

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Thank fuck

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Gerry and Michael are with us now

 **Mahhhtin:** tim is coming to find you guys

 **Mahhhtin:** i’m trying to find elias

 **Mahhhtin:** and also apparently leading prentiss away - she is following me now

 **Mahhhtin:** she yelled something about worms on strings - at this point im almost as curious as I am scared

 **Mahhhtin:** lmao

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** please stay safe, martin. I’m very glad you’re alright

**simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** GUYS DID YOU JUST S E E

 **Tim Simper:** martin i love you but

 **Tim Simper:** NOT THE TIME

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** It’s always the time, Timothy

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Also shit lads prentiss just cornered me and

 **Tim Simper:** AND YOU’RE THINKING ABOUT JON?????? MARTIN WHAT THE FUCK

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** let me finish

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** she cornered me and just handed me like 7 worm on strings? Pride flag colours? and then left???

 **Monsterfucker:** lol mood

 **Monsterfucker:** i think she wants to be your friend

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** what????

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** anyway I found elias he said ‘new phone who this?’

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** so idk where the co2 shit is

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** hang on will return to the main chat

**WORK BITCHES**

**Mahhhtin:** brief summary prentiss cornered me and gave me worm on strings, elias was a twat and now idk where the big co2 system is

 **Mahhhtin:** FUCK PRENTISS IS BACK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** be careful martin! If you need to run that’s okay, we can figure something out - i don’t want anything bad to happen to you

**simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** GUYS !!!

 **Tim Simper:** priorities martin!!

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** rude :(

**WORK BITCHES**

**The Gothfather:** maybe ask her to leave?

 **Mahhhtin:** like thats gonna work 

**Mahhhtin:** nvm it did 

**Mahhhtin:** tho elias has now left his office and hes low key scarier?

 **Mahhhtin:** am gonna y e e t

 **stop stealing my sexuality:** a vine??? Omg marto i’m so proud

 **Mahhhtin:** ok am in artefact storage lmao gonna hide in here for a bit

 **Mahhhtin:** shit sasha how did you work in here???? It’s fucking creepy

 **Our awesome aro mum:** it’s horrible isn’t it. Stay safe!!

**@JanePrentiss** messaged **@JonathanSims**

 **Jane:** am leaving now but some of my worms found the body of ur old archivist?? In the tunnels?? looked like she’d been shot lmao

 **Jane:** also sorry for the disturbance next time don’t break your walls lmao

 **Jane:** tell martin i love him and want to be his friend

 **Jon:** What????????

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** is everyone ok? Would like to take your statements if that's alright? Also martin, haven’t seen you yet, I’m kinda worried? Are you alright?

 **Mahhhtin:** I am completely fine. I’ll come and give my statement in a couple of minutes, Jonathan

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** if you’re sure. You’ve been through a lot if you need a rest

  
  


**simping for Jon club**

**Tim Simper:** Martin? It’s been five minutes and you have not freaked out about that yet?

 **Mumfriend Yearnwood:** About what?

_TimothyStoker has created a new chat._

_TimothyStoker has added SashaJames, GerardKeay and JonathanSims._

_TimothyStoker has named the chat_ **_FUCK_ **

**FUCK**

**TimothyStoker:** hey guys…? I think there’s something wrong with martin?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops


	13. Knock Knock! Whos There? Probably Not Martin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we hope you all aren’t to upset by the sudden um canon changes martin however is FiNe

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has created a new chat. _

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has added  _ **_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ and  _ **_MartinBlackwood_ ** _. _

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has named the chat  _ **_martin be my friend_ **

**Nikola:** Hi Martin! Meet Martin!

**Nikola:** I Am Really Sorry For Replacing You? I Blame The Table 

**Nikola:** At Least I Saved You Though??? Be My Friend??

**Martin:** Hi what the FUCK????

**Martin:** Hi Martin, As you aren’t dead, I have been unable to absorb your memories so I may have to ask some questions?

**Martin:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Nikola:** Elias Asked Me To Keep The Other Martin And It Does Align With My Plans Of Getting Rid Of Elias So I Will :D

**Martin:** WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

**Martin:** Why would we be freaking out?

_ @MartinBlackwood sent a screenshot _

**Martin:** What in this would be freaking out worthy?

**Martin:** JON SAID THAT???? 

**Martin:** HE WAS WORRIED????

**Martin:** Oh shit we’re GAY gay

**Martin:** Good to know!

**Martin:** Okay am still freaking out but I HATE this

**_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ set the nickname for  _ **_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ to  _ **_Not Martin_ **

**Not Martin:** okay rude

**Nikola:** He Is Not Wrong, Though

**Not Martin:** I don't like you

**Nikola:** I Do Not Care! I Am Your Boss! :D

**Martin:** I am so confused

**Martin:** Where even am I?

**Nikola:** You Are In My House!

**Nikola:** I Will Be Back In A Bit! We Can Do Pedicures!

**Martin:** shit 

**Nikola:** I Will Not Hurt You! Jon IS My Friend And I Do Not Want To Make Him Sad

**Martin:** okay?

**Martin:** fuck can i tell tim i’m okay?

**Nikola:** He Does Not Know Anything Is Wrong

**FUCK**

**Tim:** martin hasn’t messaged or really spoken to me or even smiled at me in THREE DAYS

**Tim:** something is definitely wrong

**Jon:** You think he needs time off? I wouldn't be surprised if he had some kinda worm related trauma?

**Tim:** no but he sometimes messages me when he’s sad or spiralling?

**Tim:** or comes for a hug?

**Tim:** by wrong i mean...supernaturally

**Gerry:** well fuck lmao

**Gerry:** I can ask around? And get Mikey to as well?

**Tim:** please. something is wrong and im worried

**Tim:** i miss martin. OUR martin. normal bringing-us-tea-and-pining-on-main-and-giving-me-hugs-when-i-look-slightly-sad-martin

**Gerry:** gayyyyy

**Gerry:** tho also mood I want a martin hug round about now

**Jon:** much as it surprises me to say it, I miss him too

  
  


**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** who tf messed with martin and what did you do

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** Gerry is SAD and it is UNACCEPTABLE

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyy

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** I mean yeah? That’s not news?

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** i mean yeah we all know you are gay but you are being hopeless and gay for ur crush

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** *boyfriend

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** WAIT WHAT? WHAT DID U MEAN THATS NOT NEWS??? CONGRATULATIONS

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** and also gayyyyy

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** omg! Michael! Why didn’t you tell me! Congratulations!

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** congratulations gays!

**The clown fucks lads:** I Am Very Happy For You!

**No thots only worm:** Congrats!!!

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** THIS ISNT IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** GERRY IS UPSET, MARTIN IS WRONG, AND IT IS ONE OF YOUR FAULTS

**The clown fucks lads:** Oops

**The clown fucks lads:** Actual Martin Is Fine

**The clown fucks lads:** This Will Help Get Rid Of Elias, Though

**The clown fucks lads:** Please Do Not Warn The Archival Staff

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** my friend is panicking, and you want me to let him continue?

**The clown fucks lads:** You Could Always Say It Is Trauma

**The clown fucks lads:** We Are Trying To Make Not!Martin Act More Like Martin :D

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** can we at least see him?

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** actual martin?? I’m worried about him

**The clown fucks lads:** If You Promise Not To Tell Jon?

**The clown fucks lads:** I Feel Bad Too But We Cannot!

**The clown fucks lads:** Or Tim Or Sasha

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** yeah yeah fine. G asked to see him so now can we?

**The clown fucks lads:** Come Over To Mine!

**FUCK**

**Gerry:** pretty sure martin is fine?

**Gerry:** i spoke to annabelle and she has eyes on him - he’s back at his apartment so it’s maybe just trauma?

**Tim:** oh no should i invite him to stay w/ me??? I dont have a spare room bc i’m not rich like jon but i have a sofa?

**Tim:** or like a big bed

**Tim:** that’d be weird though right?

**Sasha:** quit being gay on main tim

**Sasha:** though seriously is there anything we can do, do you know?

**Gerry:** i think we should just give him space

**Jon:** Gerry? Do you have a spy network?

**Gerry:** No?

**Gerry:** Annabelle does, though? technically? 

**Jon:** what the fuck?

**Jon:** whos annabelle?

**Gerry:** a queen. goddess. Spider wife

**Jon:** oh?

**Jon:** OH…...shittttt

**Gerry:** wait no not like that theres only room for one goth in this relationship

**Jon:** That is really not what I meant?

**Gerry:** then what did you mean???

**Jon:** trauma~

**Tim:** want to elaborate?

**Jon:** no

**Tim:** mood

**Gerry:** she’s fine dont worry

**Tim:** SHE’S SPYING ON MARTIN

**Gerry:** it’s just a couple spiders he’ll be fine 

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:_ **

**Gerry:** I feel really bad but i think i’ve reassured them

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** me too :(((

**martin be my friend**

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has added  _ **_GerardKeay_ ** _ and  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _. _

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has renamed  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _. to  _ **_Fuckhands McKnife_ **

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has renamed  _ **_GerardKeay_ ** _ to  _ **_Mikey’s Goth_ **

**_NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ has renamed  _ **_Herself_ ** _ to  _ **_MoisturiseMe_ **

**_MoisturiseMe_ ** _ has renamed  _ **_MartinBlackwood_ ** _ to  _ **_The Real One_ **

**_MoisturiseMe_ ** _ has renamed  _ **_Not Martin_ ** _ to  _ **_The Other One_ **

**MoisturiseMe:** now you are in the know

**MoisturiseMe:** you get to be in the chat!!!

**The Real One:** thank god - you filled in jon and tim, right?? And sash?? Are they okay???

**Mikey’s Goth:** they think you’re just suffering bc Trauma now

**The Real One:** a relief i guess?

**The Real One:** please keep me updated though I m i s s t h e m

**_Mikey’s Goth_ ** _ sent a photo [Photo ID: a screenshot of the following messages _

**_Tim:_ ** _ i miss martin. OUR martin. normal bringing-us-tea-and-pining-on-main-and-giving-me-hugs-when-i-look-slightly-sad-martin _

**_Gerry:_ ** _ gayyyyy _

**_Gerry:_ ** _ tho also mood I want a martin hug round about now _

**_Jon:_ ** _ much as it surprises me to say it, I miss him too] _

**The Real One:** THEY SAID THAT?????

**The Real One:** TIM SAID THAT

**The Real One:** J O N SAID THAT?????? JON M I S S E S M E??????

**The Real One:** ALSO TIM HDHHSHDGFGGGFD I MISS HIM S O MUCH I WANT A TIM HUG

**The Real One:** i’m glad i got a hug from you and michael earlier though gerry :)))) 

**The Other One:** I keep underestimating just how gay we actually are

**The Other One:** I will have to bear this in mind

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Tim:** hey martin, gerry mentioned you were still at your flat? You can come and stay with me if you want?

**Martin:** Thank you, Timothy, but I am alright. I am staying with a friend tonight

**Martin:** He is Really Hot wow I ‘hdhhshdgfgggfd’ really like him I can’t believe he invited me to stay?

**Tim:** oh okay

**Tim:** no worries

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Jon:** Hi Martin, I know Prentiss is gone, but if you still want to stay in my spare room you can? Unless the sword-wall is too disturbing, of course

**Martin:** That is quite alright, Jonathan, but I am staying with a friend

**Martin:** I am ‘hdhhshdgfgggfd’ very gay for him.

**Jon:** are you okay, Martin?

**Martin:** Yes, of course. Why?

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged _ **_@JonathanSims:_ **

**Tim:** hey bossman is martin staying with you?

**Jon:** No, I’d kind of assumed he was staying with you?

**Tim:** oh...just bc he sent this 

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**Jon:** He sent me something very similar

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**Tim:** SWORD WALL??? YOU HAVE A S W O R D W A L L???

**Tim:** shit wait not important

**Tim:** tho acc why did you think he was staying w me?!?!?!?!

**Jon:** He risked Prentiss for you I think that’s pretty self-explanatory?

**Jon:** Why did you think he was staying with me?

**Tim:** doesnt matter the important thing is it’s neither of us

**Tim:** could be gerry i guess?

**Jon:** I don’t think Gerry has a house? He seems to either stay in the archives or with Michael

**Tim:** oh fair

**Tim:** either way

**Tim:** s h i t

**Tim:** i guess he likes someone else :(

**Jon:** Oh um is that um a problem um?

**Tim:** probs wont come as a surprise but i am slightly in love with him

**Tim:** predictable i know but djsdjhjshjshd i just really like him a lot 

**Tim:** and just the thought that he’s pining for someone else that we dont even know is just a bit :(((

**Jon:** It’s not predictable

**Jon:** Though strangely enough, I too am feeling somewhat disappointed

**Jon:** It’s a shame, I thought I’d grown out of this at uni

**Tim:** jon w h a t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're not hurting martin just everyvody who cares about him :)


	14. Jon asks for advice. He doesn't get any.

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E**

**Your oh so humble Captain:** hi lads

**Your oh so humble Captain:** it is now fact

**Your oh so humble Captain:** i have a c r u s h

**Your oh so humble Captain:** this is disgusting how do i get rid of it

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** Jon I love you but your brain???? what????

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** suggesting being an adult to you seems Wrong i’m sorry but um maybe try asking him out?

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** it is martin, right?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** yeah but thats just like not an option

**Your oh so humble Captain:** he seems to be pining for someone else 

**the only one with brain cells left:** RIP but so????

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Lmao just ask him out lol

**Your oh so humble Captain:** NO

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** thats what i did

**Your oh so humble Captain:** yeah with a metaphorical spaceship

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** stop being a dick just bc youre sad

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** lmao fake dating au make him jealous

**Your oh so humble Captain:** OOH

**Worlds #1 book fucker** : O O H

**Your oh so humble Captain:** ok that is a CONCEPT any volunteers?

**Worlds #1 book fucker** : I mean it works in fiction? Though even better concept get HIM to fake date you to get his crush jealous during which you fall for each other and have to kiss and happy ever after

**Your oh so humble Captain:** IVY ALEXANDRIA YOU ARE A GENIUS

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** WTF GUYS NO THATS NOT A GOOD IDEA

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** that is SUCH a bad idea

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** i mean i suggested it but i was joking

**the only one with brain cells left:** ivy i love you but what the fuck

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** ^^^ i didn’t expect jonny to be an adult but you too??

**Your oh so humble Captain:** you guys are no help

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_NikolaOrsinov_ **

**Jon:** Hi TS cant believe im doing this but any relationship advice?

**Nikola:** Moisturise?

**Jon:** Nik wtf

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_DrumbotBrian_ **

**Jon:** Hi am suffering nobody has good advice help am crushing on a coworker what do I do?????

**Jon:** Brian?

**Jon:** nvm

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** Hi, Georgie - how are you?

**Jon:** It has been far too long but um

**Jon:** I’m slightly having a crisis, and also i miss you

**Jon:** And you’ve always understood me more than i understand myself

**Jon:** Shit i’m sorry you probably want nothing to do with me anymore

**Jon:** Ignore these, this was a bad idea

**Georgie:** hi Jon, it’s been a while. I miss you too, you were always one of my best friends even before we stupidly tried to date

**Georgie:** whats up?

**Jon:** Really not the kind of thing to talk to an ex about but um,,,im slightly infatuated with one of my co-workers

**Georgie:** oh????   
**Georgie:** you never get crushes they must be something special - what’s their name???? What are they like???? 

**Jon:** He’s called Martin. He’s really nice

**Georgie:** don’t be a coward, tell me more

**Jon:** He brings us coffee and he smiles at me even when i’m being an asshole and he tries??? So hard??? And he sometimes blushes and ducks his head and it’s so cute? I just want to protect him? I mean he’s even shorter than me and he has these really dark eyes that are legitimately enchanting? And he bites his lip and stutters when he gets nervous which is most of the time but sometimes you’ll catch him when he’s enthusiastic about something or just really happy and it’s so special? like he’ll seem confident for once and it lights up the room. And i’ve only really hugged him twice and not recently but he smelt like baking bread and vanilla and lavender and warmth? He’s like sunlight

**Georgie:** oh you are GONE gone

**Georgie:** you want to come over for wine and ice cream after work?

**Georgie:** and the admiral

**Jon:** I fucking love you

**Georgie:** oh i know. I’ll send you my address. You wanna pick up thai from that place on the corner?

**Jon:** If you’re putting up with me i think you deserve hungarian

**Georgie:** oh shit i knew there was a reason i kept your number

**Jon:** Will see you in a few hours, Georgie :)

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** Jon

**Tim:** fuck

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_SashaJames_ **

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** Sasha

**Tim:** ffs

**_TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** Gerry

**Tim:** Gerry

**Tim:** Gerry

**Tim:** Gerry

**Gerry:** yh?

**Tim:** FINALLY SOMEONE

**Tim:** MARTIN JUST WALKED SOMEONE DOWN TO GIVE A STATEMENT

**Tim:** which acc is probably why jon didnt respond 

**Tim:** he has an excuse sasha doesnt

**Tim:** ANYWAY

**Tim:** HE WAS F L I R T I N G 

**Tim:** have never seen marto flirt before but thats what it was

**Tim:** like he was doing that looking-up-from-under-raised-lashes and biting his lip and 

**Tim:** GERRY THEN HE ASKED THEM FOR COFFEE

**Tim:** GERRY I HATE THIS I WANT TO DIE

**Gerry:** thats not fun i’m sorry tim

**Gerry:** lmk if theres anything i can do?

**Tim:** dw ab it i’ll just cry :(((

**Gerry:** lmao

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** Are you okay tim?

**Tim:** its been FIVE HOURS JON

**Tim:** but no

**Tim:** marto was flirting with your statement giver and asked him out on a date :(

**Jon:** Guess i’ll die then

**Tim:** mood

**Jon:** My emotions really do have shit timing 

**Jon:** This is why I normally repress them

**Tim:** also a mood

**Tim:** when did you realise?

**Jon:** When he was staying at mine

**Jon:** I blame my friends 

**Jon:** They are the ones who pointed it out

**Tim:** oh oof

**Jon:** Not my fault he smells nice

**Tim:** he dOES

**Jon:** Like baking bread and vanilla and sunlight

**Tim:** and lavender and tea and home

**Jon:** He kind of radiates warmth 

**Tim:** whoda thought you’re a simp along with the best of us

**Jon:** It doesn’t happen often, don’t get used to it

**Tim:** u agree marto is a GOD then?

**Jon:** Unfortunately, yes

**Jon:** But is that not just fcat?

**Tim:** fcat

**Jon:** Like you can type this well when drinking, Tim

**Tim:** THIS IS YOU DRUNK?????

**Jon:** I mean not Drunk. An old friend invited me over for wine and ice cream and cat 

**Tim:** You have friends???

**Jon:** Thank you, Tim

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** home safe

**Jon:** thanks for alcohol

**Jon:** and for letting me have admiral cuddles

**Jon:** love you georgie

**Georgie:** thanks for letting me know

**Georgie:** i had fun lets do this more often

**Georgie:** now SLEEP

**_DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged  _ **_JonathanSims_ **

**Brian:** the fifth is through the door :)

**Jon:** Brian it’s FOUR AM WHAT DOES THIS M E A N

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> JON YOU I D I O T????


	15. Brian Stop Being Cryptic Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow look at this? a brief respite?

**_@DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_MartinBlackwood_ **

**Brian:** Hi Martin 

**Martin:** Hello, Who is this?

**Brian:** Jon’s friend. Don’t ask how I got your details, it wasn’t through Jonny.

**Martin:** ???

**Brian:** A Thought has come to me.

**Brian:** The Grumpy archivist is teaspoon

**Brian:** That is all goodbye.

**Martin:** Okay?

**Martin:** This is the wrong Martin?? Sorry

  
  


**THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS**

**Elias Bouchard (Eye):** The time is upon us to for another fear avatar meeting

**Elias Bouchard (Eye):** I have emailed around a form if people could fill out their preferred times

**Helen (Distortion/Spiral):** lmao could you not just Know it??

**Peter Lukas (Lonely):** Not if he wants to get anything in the divorce

**Jude Perry (Desolation):** divorce???

**Annabelle Cane (Web):** DIVORCE??

**_Helen (Distortion/Spiral)_ ** _ renamed the chat divorce central _

**_Elias Bouchard (Eye)_ ** _ renamed the chat THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS _

**_Annabelle Cane (Web)_ ** _ renamed the chat AVATAR THE LAST FEARBENDER IF ELIAS CHANGES IT BACK HE’S A P U S S Y _

**_Elias Bouchard (Eye)_ ** _ renamed the chat THE OFFICIAL COMMITTEE OF FEAR AVATAR REPS _

**Peter Lukas (Lonely):** Stop being boring, Bitchard

**Peter Lukas (Lonely):** Or as Ms Cane worded it - Pussy

  
  


**_@DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Brian:** sup i’m brian

**_Brian_ ** _ sent a photo  _ [Photo ID: a uno +4 card with the 4 scribbled over and replaced by a 3]

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** huh??

**Brian:** I will not elaborate

**Brian:** Except to say

**Brian:** Collect them like Pokemon

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** what???? Like pronouns?? Or like people???

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** in the hallways?? 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** bc i’m already doing both

**Brian:** 1) yes, people 2) no, not hallways

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** ????

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**_Gwen Stacy can fite me_ ** _ added  _ **_PeterLukas_ **

**_Gwen Stacy can fite me_ ** _ renamed  _ **_PeterLukas_ ** _ to  _ **_Toxic Ass Vape Fog_ **

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** our boy is BACK

**_Gwen Stacy can fite me_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**No thots only worm:** HE’S BACK

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** I’m re-added for that? 

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Just scrolled up I missed a LOT I should’ve divorced him earlier and got to witness the worm incident

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Nikola, I presume Martin is feeling quite Lonely on his own?

**The clown fucks lads:** No? We Have Been Vibing

**No thots only worm:** Dont you fucking dare plukas I WILL find you and infest you with worms and you will never be alone again, instead surrounded by the song and writhing but for You I will make it not comforting but Painful

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Um

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Okay 

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** ???

**No thots only worm:** Do not DARE touch martin he is too soft

**No thots only worm:** I want him to hug me one day :((

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Okay I’ll steer clear I guess?

**The clown fucks lads:** _@No thots only worm_ I Can Ask Him? He Might Have Worm Trauma Though

**No thots only worm:** omg pls

**The clown fucks lads:** Come Over ;) But Be Careful I Do Not Wanna Spook Him He Still Thinks I Might Murder Him And Skin Him Alive I Think Maybe

**_@DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Brian:** hawaiian shirt. grey hair. that’s the Tea

**Gerry:** I’m sorry but no

**Gerry:** I would rather die than wear bright clothing

**Gerry:** also ik i dye my hair but it isn’t GREY

**Gerry:** also who tf are you?

**Brian:** Brian. And you have really missed the point 😔

**Brian:** r/whoosh

**martin be my friend**

**MoisturiseMe:** Hi Friends Do You Want To See A Fun Video?

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ץєร

**MoisturiseMe:** Care To Elaborate On The Font, First? 

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ץ๏ย ﻮคשє ๓є ค ภ๏г๓คɭ ภค๓є ร๏ ๓ץ ՇєאՇ ๓ยรՇ ๒є Ŧยภкץ :))

**MoisturiseMe:** I hate you

**Mikey’s Goth:** how dare you that’s my partner 

**Mikey’s Goth:** I have f i r e do you think plastic and fire work well together?

**MoisturiseMe:** Back To My Question Then?

**MoisturiseMe:** Video?

**The Real One:** what is it?

**The Real One:** bc I also disapprove of the michael hate

**MoisturiseMe:** My Band!!

**MoisturiseMe:** We Play Space Pirates

**MoisturiseMe:** Your Boss Is One Of The Singers :D

**The Real One:** Nikola if you do not send me this video I will give into my constant desire for arson and set you the fuck on fire

**Mikey’s Goth:** Holy shit marto

**Mikey’s Goth:** that’s low key hot

**Fuckhands McKnife:** քʊռ ɨռȶɛռɖɛɖ?

**Mikey’s Goth:** always

**MoisturiseMe:** [ **https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eYALygp32w &t=2135s** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eYALygp32w&t=2135s)

**MoisturiseMe:** enjoy, gays :))))

**The Real One:** HOLY SHIT

**The Real One:** HOLY S H I T

**The Real One:** wow if i wasn’t already gay for that man

**The Real One:** HOLY S H I T 

**The Real One:** I mean his VOICE???? TO START???? CAN HE SING ME TO SLEEP PLS IK THATS NOT THE MUSIC GENRE BUT I THINK HE’D BE RLLY GOOD AT IT PLS I WANT HIS VOICE TO BE THE SOUNDTRACK TO MY LIFE

**The Real One:** but moving on um the eyeliner?????? D a m n 

**Mikey’s Goth:** mood martin :’) 

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ץ๏ย คгє Ŧ๏гﻮเשєภ ภเк๏ɭค Ŧ๏г ՇђคՇ שเ๔є๏ เร คгՇ คภ๔ เ ɭ๏שє เՇ

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ๒ค๒є, ๓คгՇเภ, เ ฬเɭɭ ן๏เภ ץ๏ย เภ ץ๏ยг รเ๓קเภﻮ

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ﻮєггץ, ץ๏ย Շђเภк ђє'ร ק๏ɭץ, ɭ๏שє?

**Mikey’s Goth:** doubt it but I hope so 

**The Real One:** when/if we are allowed back properly I will add you to our jon simps chat

**The Real One:** dhjdshsdjhh who allowed him to be that hot? And to SING LIKE THAT WTF??

**_@DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_TimothyStoker_ **

**Brian:** hi it’s Brian

**Tim:** who?

**Brian:** doesn’t matter i have something important to say regarding relationships

**Brian:** man door hook hand car door

**Tim:** i know the meme but what?

**Tim:** are you high or something dude?

**Tim:** brb

**Brian:** i’m not high???

**Tim:** just chugged some vodka and I GET you man

**Tim:** so it’s like BIG polyam?

**Tim:** me jon martin gerry AND michael?

**Tim:** and like you know what?? I see it? 

**Brian:** wait YOU UNDERSTAND ME???

**Tim:** I mean yeah dude

**Brian:** plot twist

**Brian:** now Jonny cant call me overly cryptic

**Tim:** next time just tell him alcohol helps :) 

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Tim why did you just leave the institute and return with HALF a bottle of vodka?

**stop stealing my sexuality:** some friend of urs texted meeeeeeee 

**stop stealing my sexuality:** imparted some life knowledge

**stop stealing my sexuality:** I needed to drink to understand

**stop stealing my sexuality:** jon in future alcohol solves all i now understand everything and really hope he was right

**stop stealing my sexuality:** bc that’d be fucking n e a t

**stop stealing my sexuality:** tho now im here….dronks?

**Our Awesome Aro Mum:** I would really rather not be fired

**The Gothfather:** oh lmao we can’t be fired

**The Gothfather:** so i’m down

**MahhhTIN:** same 

**stop stealing my sexuality:** wait rlly?? Martin?? Omg!!   
**MahhhTIN:** yeah my uh...my friend is encouraging me to be more wild

**stop stealing my sexuality:** oh. nice.

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** You know what? I, too, will join drinks

**_@DrumbotBrian_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_MartinBlackwood_ **

**Brian:** hi martin is this right martin?

**Brian:** important information

**Brian:** grumpy archivist is teaspoon

**Martin:** oh yeah i know

**Martin:** like obviously

**Brian:** WAIT YOU UNDERSTAND ME TOO???

**Brian:** hang on what do you think I mean?

**Martin:** he’s tiny so smaller than ordinary little spoon :)

**Brian:** fuck :(

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** okay this is gonna sound real dumb but

**Tim:** jon, you remember the conversation we had about martin yesterday?

**Tim:** i was drinking (i have quickly sobered up bc panic) and asked martin for a hug

**Tim:** if we can even call him martin

**Tim:** I hugged him and he smelt like coffee and citrus and shitty ass body spray

**Tim:** and also plastic

**Tim:** and i know that isn’t what he smells like but I can’t remember what he smells like

**Tim:** beyond the typed evidence

**Tim:** but whoever this is, it is not martin

**Tim:** does he even look the same? Probably not? Him being smaller than everyone feels wrong it always feels like i should be looking up at him but i always dismissed that as him having tall energy

**Tim:** i mean i say always

**Tim:** or maybe it was just that he’s too good for me

**Tim:** now i think about it his voice is too cold and too certain and confident

**Tim:** but i can’t remember what it’s meant to sound like

**Tim:** just like i only know what he smells like from the messages

**Tim:** i mean if it was just the citrus and body spray and coffee it’s explicable bc new cologne or whatever and he’s sleeping at a friends but we said he smelt like home and sunlight and warmth and whoever this is he just DOESN’T

**Tim:** i know you’re reading these messages i can see the read receipts please don’t ignore me i swear somethings wrong

**Tim:** i’m not going mad i promise

**Tim:** this is not our martin

**Jon:** Tim, you’re drunk. Take the rest of the day off, I’ll see you on monday

**Tim:** jon i swear i am not drunk

**Tim:** jon please believe me i’m not drunk

**Tim:** jon please this isn’t martin i swear on my entire fucking life 

**Tim:** j o n

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops. jon why are you so stupid


	16. LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Delaying the plot so have some lesbians (before more suffering)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for it/its pronouns (used for michael, no pronouns were disrespected in the making of this chapter)

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_SashaJames_ **

**Jon:** I’m worried about Tim, would you mind talking to him for me?

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**_JonathanSims_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**Sasha:** Oh?? What conversation was this about Martin smelling like ‘home’?

**Jon:** Fuck off that’s not important

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_GerardKeay_ **

**Jon:** Hi Gerry? I don’t suppose you know if Tim’s ok? I’m worried

**Gerry:** gayyy but also i can talk to him?

**Jon:** Please do. 

**Gerry:** you ok btw? me and mikey were wondering?

**Jon:** I’m fine, don’t worry. 

**Jon:** I don’t feel emotions

**Jon:** Also Michael was? I don’t know why, I’ve never even spoken to him...?

**Gerry:** THAT DOESN’T COUNT AS FINE

**Gerry:** also yh they seem to have taken a liking to you :) probably from when he was hanging in your ceiling but I could be wrong. 

**Jon:** Tell your bf I’m fine

**Gerry:** i’ll let ‘em know

**Gerry:** and also will tell it you’re lying

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**The clown fucks lads:** Hi Friends!

**The clown fucks lads:** I Cannot Invite My Cooler Better Friends Over Because Martin Is Here And Jarcavist Can Not Know But Who Wants A Cuddle Pile?

**The clown fucks lads:** I Am Sure At Least Some Of You Are Touch Starved

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** will martin be there??

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** the real one?

**The clown fucks lads:** Oh I See How It Is

**The clown fucks lads:** But Yes

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** then me and Gerbear will be there! We want martin hugs!

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** Gerbear??? 

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** also i can’t sorry, i have a date tonight x

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** sorry I have a date

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** oh

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** fuck

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**‘She doesn’t even go here!’:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**The OG sky fucker:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Bowones:** Gay

**Breekon:** gay

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** fuck you guys I guess

**Hope:** gay

**fire simp:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**No thots only worm:** gayyyy

**No thots only worm:** also i’ll come cuddle you nikki!!!

**The clown fucks lads:** Thank You You Are My Favourite

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Hugs are overrated

**The clown fucks lads:** You Are Overrated :D

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Fuck off. Hugs have too many people

**No thots only worm:** you mean two? seaweed smelling piece of shit you wouldn’t know human compassion if it bit you on the tit

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** What did I ever do to you?

**No thots only worm:** you threatened martin you limp sardine, what do you expect

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Is this what being bullied feels like?

**No thots only worm:** yes. now go fuck yourself on a mouldy anchor and stop insulting hugs

**No thots only worm:** bitch

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** What the fuck just happened?

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** idk but go OFF queen

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** also i’m down for hugs too Nikki :)

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** me too :))

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** and before i forget

**Gwen Stacy can fite me:** _ @Sky fucker but a manlet _ gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:**

**Stop letting this one inside:** My Turn For A Crisis :D

**Stop letting this one inside:** Sexy Worm Wife Just Went O F F Against Lonely Bitch Boy And It Was Slightly Hot

**Stop letting this one inside:** Plot Twist Even Though I Am Plastic I Can Like People As More Than Friends

**Stop letting this one inside:** And She Is Coming Over Soon

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Lmao my only advice is ‘moisturise’ lmao 

**Stop letting this one inside:** Rude

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** Just talk about your feelings Nik it isn’t that hard

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** Unless you’re emotionally repressed lol

**Your oh so humble Captain:** rude

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** it’ll go amazing TS! Just ask her out! You are a beautiful woman and i’m sure she will see that

**Stop letting this one inside:** Mannequin! But Thank You Gun Tim

**Your oh so humble Captain:** why were none of you this nice to me smh

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** we believe in you Nikola!!

**World’s #1 book fucker:** Good luck! Let us know how it goes!!

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** Lesbian RIGHTS!!!!

**the only one with brain cells left:** we love you nikki!! I bet she will too!!

**Your oh so humble Captain:** what the fUCK GUYS?

**Your oh so humble Captain:** (though also good luck Nik)

**Your oh so humble Captain:** (everyone other than Nikola ignore that last message it didnt happen)

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** she likes you back don’t worry we love you!! And i am very prophecy so can confirm

**Your oh so humble Captain:** BRIAN ISN’T BEING CRYPTIC WHAT THE FUCK???

**Stop letting this one inside:** Thank You Guys!! Thank You Brian 

**Stop letting this one inside:** No Thanks For You Jonny [|):{D

**Stop letting this one inside:** You Can Keep being Cryptic If You Want Brian!

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** BRIAN KEEP BEING CRYPTIC CHALLENGE

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** THIS IS WHY YOU’RE MY FAVOURITE NIK

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** oh worm???? Thats the tea

**Stop letting this one inside:** Ooh! I See What You Did There!!

**_@JanePrentiss_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@NikolaOrsinov:_ **

**Jane:** me and annabelle are outside <3

**Nikola:** Fabulous! Helen, Michael, And Gerry Are Already Here

**Nikola:** The Door Is Unlocked

**_@JanePrentiss_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Jane:** is this martin? or not martin?

**Martin:** Martin, why?

**Jane:** hi it’s jane

**Jane:** martin be my friend challenge

**Jane:** but also martin let me simp on main challenge?

**Martin:** you know what? Sure? 

**Martin:** though warning as you can probably tell both michael and gerry can see my phone

**Jane:** yeah bc you’re a martin cuddle sandwich

**Jane:** it looks comfy

**Martin:** it is :))

**Martin:** anyway pining?

**Jane:** so as u can see am cuddling w the avatar gals

**Jane:** well nikola is stroking my hair

**Martin:** i can see...?

**Jane:** I’M FUCKING GAY OKAY?

**Martin:** oh worm

**Jane:** are you being mean to me?

**Martin:** shit no that means like mood

**Martin:** ask her out she was on a chat earlier and squeaked which seems like crush behaviour?

**Jane:** fuck it ok i’ll ask to talk to her in private

**Jane:** wish me luck?

**Martin:** good luck!!

**Martin:** and from me and mikey too <3 - G

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:**

**Stop letting this one inside:** Thanks For The Advice I Have A Girlfriend Now

**Your oh so humble Captain:** Congratulations

**Your oh so humble Captain:** But also how the fUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol jon doesn't get rights because he is stoopid


	17. Not!Them Loose In The Archives What Crimes Will They Commit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reasons why Jon doesn't have or deserve the braincell (part whatever)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw - overuse of the word fuck
> 
> previous chapter (in case you skipped it) - clown wife and worm wife are now dating, not much else happened?

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** GWEIRGU

**Jon:** GEROGIE FYCJ

**Jon:** GEORGIE

**Jon:** MARTIJN KISSED ME EHAT DI U DO

**Jon:** GEORGIE

**Jon:** G E O R G I E

**Georgie:** that’s a good thing right?

**Jon:** YES

**Jon:** OBVIOUSLY

**Jon:** BUT IT LASTED LIKE 5 SECONDS AND I DIDNT KISS BACK BC PANIC AND KNOWING HIM HE WILL OGERTHINK

**Jon:** GEROGIE WHAT DO I D O

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** so um please dont hate me for this but i wanted to tell you myself

**Jon:** Martin kissed me

**Jon:** I dont know if it means anything? He walked off immediately after

**Jon:** I mean it lasted around five seconds and I was in shock the whole time

**Jon:** But I know you like him so..

**Tim:** jon that isnt martin

**Tim:** did you not listen to me

**Tim:** it isn’t him

**Tim:** he smells wrong and he acts wrong and he would've told me before you could

**Tim:** he also wouldnt have kissed you

**Jon:** Look, I understand that you’re jealous

**Jon:** But there is no need for these lies

**Tim:** no not like that

**Tim:** he would be too scared

**Jon:** You know, I really thought we could be adults in this

**Tim:** jon p l e a s e

**Tim:** i stg

**Tim:** i am in love with him

**Tim:** i would be happy for him

**Tim:** but this ISN’T HIM

**Tim:** jon please believe me

**Jon:** Drop it, Tim

_ Messages from  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ to absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone _

**Tim:** fuck. 

**Tim:** fuck i’m in love with him

**Tim:** in love

**Tim:** i can’t remember the last time -

**Tim:** fuck. 

**Tim:** i would die for this man and i can’t even remember what he looks like

**Tim:** and jon just thinks i’m fucking jealous

**Tim:** as though this isn’t all that martin wanted

**Tim:** WHO he wanted

**Tim:** does he really think i’m so selfish as to not want that for martin? For the man i’ve fucking fallen in love with?

**Tim:** because I fucking have, havent i

**Tim:** fallen for a man who so obviously wants another and NOT me as well

**Tim:** and that wouldnt even matter if he was still here

**Tim:** here and healthy

**Tim:** instead of this

**Tim:** replacement

**Tim:** i know its not him

**Tim:** but i’m forgetting everything i knew

**Tim:** i cant remember his voice or what he looks like or how he smells or hugs

**Tim:** is he even still alive?

**Tim:** either way i’ll probably never know how his kisses taste or how he shows love

**Tim:** fuck.

**Tim:** FUCK

**Tim:** this hurts lmao

**Tim:** I’ll have to give Jon evidence it’s the only way he’ll believe me

**Tim:** fuck. 

**Tim:** time to find some statements on being replaced or some shit

**Tim:** why is this my fucking life

**Tim:** i just miss martin

**Tim:** martin would’ve helped

**Tim:** he would’ve given me a hug and told me it’s okay and I wouldve wanted more but thats alright

**Tim:** pining is easy compared to this

**Tim:** fuck how can I not remember the man I have fallen in love with

**Tim:** i fucking hate my life

**Tim:** thanks void for letting me rant to you

**Void:** t h a t s a l r i g h t , i t w a s r a t h e r e n t e r t a i n i n g

**Void:** a l s o m o o d , i t o o, h a t e m y l i f e t o o

**Tim:** lmao same

**Tim:** FUCK 

**Tim:** FYCK]

**Tim:** WHAT THE FUCK

**Tim:** F U C K

**Jonny’s the FIRST M A T E:**

**Your oh so humble Captain:** GUYS HE FUCKING KISSED ME

**Your oh so humble Captain:** HE KISSED M E

**Your oh so humble Captain:** K I S S E D M E

**Your oh so humble Captain:** yeah it was like 2 seconds and i panic froze up but STILL

**_Your oh so humble Captain_ ** _ renamed the chat CAPTAINS GOT G A M E _

**_worlds #1 ship fucker_ ** _ renamed  _ **_Your oh so humble Captain_ ** _ to  _ **_lil bitch first mate_ **

**lil bitch first mate:** wtf nastya bringing down my mood

**lil bitch first mate:** leaving the chat

**lil bitch first mate:** bc f u all

**_lil bitch first mate_ ** _ left the chat _

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** lmao

**Smoke inhalation a bitch, ain’t it?:** lmao

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** Lmao

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** lmao

**why tf do you have an eyepatch you’re a doctor:** Lmao

**World’s #1 book fucker:** lmao

**Stop letting this one inside:** Laughing My Arse Off

**the only one with brain cells left:** lmao

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@RaphaellaLaCognizi_ **

**Jon:** fuck

**Jon:** fuck

**Jon:** let me back in pls?

**Jon:** raphaella???

**CAPTAINS GOT G A M E**

**_the only one with brain cells left_ ** _ sent a screenshot _

**Let him feed the kitties 2020:** he must Suffer first

**the only one with brain cells left:** lmao aight

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** He kissed me again

**Georgie:** you sound slightly less enthused than before

**Jon:** Idk

**Jon:** Objectively? The perfect kiss. 

**Jon:** Lasted at least a minute?

**Jon:** Not awkward levels of tongue or anything

**Jon:** Just smooth lips

**Georgie:** jon i love you but i really don’t need this much detail

**Jon:** Oops

**Jon:** Anyway, what i’m getting to is that it didn’t feel right?

**Jon:** Like I remember with you - apologies for bringing it up - it used to feel like home and warmth and I was never aware of anything else, and with him it just...happened. Weirdly cold and impersonal? It felt like what we should do not like it was natural or home

**Jon:** And you know what? Maybe I was wrong maybe I don’t actually like him like that

**Jon:** At least not enough

**Jon:** Guess I’ll have to tell him at some point but that’s scary

**Georgie:** you want to come over for wine and ice cream again? you seem like you need it

**Jon:** I would like that

**Jon:** Will be over in 30?

**Georgie:** my turn to get the takeaway - you want thai? indian? 

**Jon:** Thai? 

**Jon:** And thank you, Georgie. I don't know what i’d do without you

**Georgie:** die, probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jon I will fist fight you


	18. Owo Jon’s it’s your turn for a crisis (again)

**martin be my friend**

**The real one:** Hey Nikola? Um I left some things in the archives before I left and um

**The real one:** can I go pick them up at some point when it’s empty? 

**MoisturiseMe:** How About In A Couple Of Hours? Surely Jon Does Not Work That Late

**MoisturiseMe:** What Did You Want To Get

**The real one:** oh um just some poetry and things

**The real one:** my knitting, too

**MoisturiseMe:** Okay! I Will Come And Get You In A Few Hours

**The real one:** say hi to Jane for me :))

**MoisturiseMe:** I Will!

**MoisturiseMe:** Oh Fuck Oh Shit She Is Crying Okay

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ _ absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** Hi void it’s me, Tim

**Void:** H i :)

**Tim:** Fuck i thought i dreamed that

**Tim:** lmao

**Void:** N o, I ‘ m h e r e

**Void:** H e l l o

**Tim:** hi?

**Void:** Y o u c a n v e n t t o m e i t s w h a t e v e r y o n e d o e s

**Tim:** if thats okay? You can vent to me too if you want?

**Void:** T h a n k Y o u

**Void:** N o b o d y h a s e v e r s a i d t h i s t o m e b e f o r e

**Tim:** wow then they're assholes

**Tim:** screaming into the void should be a mutually beneficial arrangement

**Tim:** speaking of

**Tim:** I have found loads of evidence of some not people? replacing people? But if thats the case martin is probably dead

**Tim:** i need to find a polaroid or something with his voice on

**Tim:** i am so scared

**Tim:** what if i find out it’s true and can never see him again

**Tim:** idk whats worse

**Tim:** this imposter

**Tim:** this nartin

**Tim:** or never seeing either again

**Tim:** because either way i miss him so damn much

**Tim:** i fucking miss him

**Void:** I h o p e i t w o r k s o u t o k a y

**Tim:** me too

**Tim:** are you okay, void?

**Void:** n o t r e a l l y

**Tim:** you wanna talk about it?

**Void:** m a y b e l a t e r

**_@GeorginaBarker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Georgie:** you home yet?

**Jon:** nah i stopped off at the archives to pick something up

**Georgie:** what??

**Jon:** s t a t e m e n t s :)

**Georgie:** oh god jon take a break

**Jon:** georgie theres someone in the archives

**Georgie:** what?

**Jon:** Hes really tall

**Jon:** Taller than anyone who works here

**Jon:** Not Michael but Michael is Different

**Jon:** i saw him pass the entrance

**Jon:** and now i can see his shadow

**Jon:** in martin’s room from the worm incident

**Jon:** i'll keep messaging you just in case

**Jon:** theres someone else too, i think? He just spoke to them

**Jon:** his voice is so familiar but i dont recognise it?

**Jon:** shit he saw me

**Jon:** i think he’s coming over?

**Jon:** georgie im so confused he looks so familiar but idk who he is

**Jon:** he knows me though he said my name and it just feels right?

**Jon:** if that makes any sense? 

**Jon:** i am so confused he just seems right? My senses are all saying comfortable and friend but i have never seen this man before in my life

**Georgie:** what does he look like?

**Jon:** he’s just left

**Jon:** fuck

**Jon:** was martin here?

**Jon:** i can’t remember anything but seeing martin

**Jon:** but martin is short I described someone tall

**Georgie:** is this some spooky archives shit?

**Jon:** maybe? Shit, I need to talk to Tim

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** Hey

**Jon:** I’m really sorry, Tim

**Jon:** I think you were right

**Jon:** I just saw martin in the archives

**Jon:** you know, 5’2, dark hair and eyes, dresses like the worlds ultimate twink

**Jon:** at least that’s what I remember

**Jon:** but I was messaging Georgie and I described him as tall

**Jon:** At least 6’

**Jon:** And feeling ‘right’

**Jon:** and martin feels

**Jon:** wrong? 

**Jon:** he kissed me again earlier and it felt wrong

**Jon:** maybe it’s just me but

**Tim:** I will be right there

**Jon:** thank you, Tim

**Jon:** I’m sorry I doubted you

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** update

**Jon:** my coworker is here

**Jon:** we called in martin

**Jon:** 5’2 twink

**Jon:** spoke to him

**Jon:** he came clean

**Jon:** He’s gone now. Apparently Martin is okay? Our Martin?

**Jon:** I hope so. I still can’t remember him, though

**Jon:** Tim seems to be struggling but i think he’s holding on for me

**Jon:** He hugged me and called Michael and Gerry and is now telling me that Martin is fine and will be back but I’m not sure if he believes it

**Jon:** I think he’s still hurt that I didn’t believe him

**Jon:** Not angry though, which is almost worse

**Georgie:** I don’t understand whats going on but are you okay?

**Jon:** Yes. Fuck, i’ll explain later. Gerry and Michael are here now and Tim broke down so i’m going to go and

**Jon:** i dont know. I’ll figure something out. I guess I should make a statement or something

**Jon:** I’ll talk to you later, Georgie

**martin be my friend**

**The other one:** I’m sorry, Martin

**The other one:** Martin Blackwood has now technically kissed Jon Sims, though, so that should be fun

**The real one:** YOU W H A T

**The real one:** WHAT!?!?!?!??!?

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Gerry:** we’ve got Tim home safely

**Gerry:** me and mikey will stay for him for a bit

**Gerry:** he seems pretty shaken and mikey said they thought he could do with some company

**Gerry:** are YOU okay?

**Jon:** i’ll be fine.

**Jon:** i’m always fine

**Gerry:** fucking bs

**Gerry:** i’ll leave mikey with tim

**Gerry:** he’s comfortable with her and he said they don’t mind

**Gerry:** what’s your address?

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** hey baby you at Jon’s yet?

**Gerry:** yeah, just got there

 **Gerry:** how’s Tim doing?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** he’s fallen asleep on my knee

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it’d be kinda adorable if the circumstances were different

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how’s jon?

**Gerry:** repressing emotions

 **Gerry:** I’m going to make him eat and maybe try and make him some tea?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** gotta take care of these stupid fucking gays

**Gerry:** yeah

 **Gerry:** will see you tomorrow baby

 **Gerry:** hopefully actual martin will be back by then?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** I hope so

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** love you, gerbear

**Gerry:** love you, mikey <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the boi!! He’s back or will be (hopefully <3)


	19. GIVE ME LOVE I'M SAD

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _messaged_ ~~ _absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone_~~ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** Hi again

 **Tim:** permission to vent?

 **Void:** a b s o l u t e l y t h a n k s f o r a s k i n g 

**Tim:** nartin is gone

 **Tim:** but martin isnt back

 **Tim:** it’s only been a day but i’m worried

 **Tim:** is he captured? Dead? 

**Tim:** i cant even remember what he looks like

 **Tim:** maybe i never will

 **Tim:** fuck

 **Void:** h e i s n t d e a d

 **Tim:** wait how do you know?

 **Void:** i k n o w e v e r y t h i n g

 **Void:** e s p e c i a l l y d e a t h

 **Tim:** ominous

 **Tim:** but you know what? A relief

 **Tim:** thank you, void :))

 **Void:** y o u ‘ r e w e l c o m e

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _messaged_ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** Hey Tim, how are you coping?

 **Jon:** Apologies again for not believing you

 **Jon:** I was just...blinded by the futile hope that maybe he actually liked me back, I suppose?

 **Tim:** fucking mood

 **Tim:** what do you know about him?

 **Tim:** actual martin?

 **Tim:** i want

 **Tim:** i need to remember

 **Tim:** he smells like tea and baking and lavender and vanilla and sunlight

 **Tim:** he is warmth

 **Tim:** that’s all i know

 **Jon:** He was tall. Taller than you and Sasha

 **Jon:** Shorter than Michael

 **Jon:** And broader, I think?

 **Jon:** And his voice was familiar 

**Tim:** do you have any tapes with him on?

 **Jon:** They’re missing 

**Jon:** I looked

 **Tim:** i guess he stole them

 **Tim:** wait shit

 **Tim:** try his desk? or the room?

 **Jon:** ‘Streets by Martin K Blackwood’? Sound useful

 **Jon:** Tim

 **Jon:** Tim I know his voice

 **Jon:** Tim

 **Jon:** He sounds softer than I expected? And more hesitant? Shy, almost?

 **Jon:** But warm

 **Jon:** His voice is so warm

 **Tim:** I will be with you in two fucking seconds

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _messaged_ _~~absolutely nobody, but the void of his phone~~ _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** I know his voice

 **Tim:** I REMEMBER his voice

 **Void:** I a m v e r y g l a d

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _messaged_ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** logically we know he’s strong

 **Tim:** and he was a tea person. he made tea, not coffee. I have several messages about it

 **Tim:** and he was a massive simp and he cared so much

 **Tim:** he called me bby once and i cried

 **Tim:** he was significantly larger than gerry to the point that gerry wearing a jumper that’d fit him was notable

 **Tim:** either that or he had bad self image

 **Tim:** or both

 **Tim:** he was clearly comfy enough to sleep on?

 **Tim:** he gave one of the best hugs i’d ever had

 **Tim:** and was soft. Really soft

 **Tim:** okay definitely low self esteem

 **Tim:** really hot? Or at least I thought so. And definitely on the larger side, going off past messages

 **Tim:** he could apparently cook

 **Jon:** please stop using the past tense

 **Jon:** he’s not gone.

 **Tim:** sorry i just

 **Jon:** i have joined in scrolling through past messages

 **Jon:** he apparently looks like he gives good hugs

 **Jon:** and we know how he smells

 **Tim:** he wore nail polish

 **Tim:** WEARS sorry

 **Tim:** i messaged about him - ‘he hums under his breath when he thinks nobody is listening nd the way he’s memorised how all of us like our tea and he has a list in his phone of all our dietary requirements’ 

**Tim:** he has anxiety

 **Tim:** he has freckles

 **Tim:** that’s all i have

 **Tim:** thats all i know

 **Jon:** that sounds right but i can’t remember

 **Jon:** at all

 **Jon:** and that hurts

 **Tim:** tell me about it

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** This is as close as i can get to an official announcement

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** You may have noticed that Martin wasn’t at work today. The Martin we know was not our Martin. We don’t know if or when our Martin will be back. I hope so, but

 **Our Awesome Aro Mum:** Please elaborate?

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Come to my office 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Gerry, you might want to come, too

 **The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Tim please get some rest. Take the day off?

 **stop stealing my sexuality:** what if he’s in danger? what if he needs our help????

 **The GothFather:** please get some sleep Tim. Martin will be fine

**CAPTAINS GOT G A M E**

**_Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers_ ** _added_ **_JonathanSims_ **

**Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers:** he is having a bad time he’s allowed back

 **_Bullied me into giving him prophetic powers_ ** _renamed_ **_JonathanSims_ ** _to_ **_Our beloved first mate_ **

**_Our beloved first mate_ ** _renamed the chat_ **_GIVE ME LOVE IM SAD_ **

**worlds #1 ship fucker:** cuddle pile hours?

 **Our beloved first mate:** please

 **_worlds #1 ship fucker_ ** _renamed the chat_ **_FUCK THE SHIP (i do)_ **

**martin be my friend**

**Mikey’s goth:** martin??? you okay???? you haven’t come back to work?

 **Mikey’s goth:** orsinov if you’re trapping him i will set you on fire and melt you down and watch you suffer

 **MoisturiseMe:** I Let Him Go?

 **Mikey’s goth:** martin?????

 **The real one:** im sorry i can never return

 **The real one:** other me kissed jon

 **The real one:** i cannot look at him again

 **The real one:** apologies i will never leave my flat

 **The real one:** i will die here

 **Mikey’s goth:** martin wtf?

 **Fuckhands McKnife:** Շเ๓ ๓เรรєร ץ๏ย

 **Fuckhands McKnife:** Շเ๓ ςгเє๔

 **The real one:** he what???

 **The real one:** bby nO

 **The real one:** i will be there tomorrow 

**The real one:** must give tim hug

 **The real one:** fuck it dont let them leave i will be there in 20 minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is quite short, we're sorry, but the next chapter should bring with it seratonin?


	20. AndThereWasOnlyOneBed™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're running out of backlog so really shouldn't be posting this but ehh we gay and have no self control

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorgieBarker_ **

**Jon:** Martin’s here

**Jon:** What do I do, Georgie?

**Jon:** I am overjoyed that he’s back but my brain keeps telling me to kiss him

**Jon:** I’m also conflicted. He is not The Same Martin who i flirted with and

**Jon:** You know what? I’ll just avoid him until things settle down 

**Georgie:** jon stop being a disaster challenge xoxo

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** I know I sent you home but Martin’s back

**Jon:** You might wanna come back to the archives

**Tim:** he’s back???? Shit will be there in however quickly I can run there

**Tim:** JON YOU DIDNT MENTION HE WAS THIS HOT HE’S BACK AND HES HOT AND I WANT A HUG

**Tim:** fuck it im getting a hug

**Tim:** i remember him now

**Tim:** his voice and how he looks and how he hugs 

**Jon:** I’m glad 

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** Martin is back 

**Tim:** everything makes sense again

**Tim:** though shit i am in love with him

**Tim:** i didn’t expect that realisation to impact me so much

**Tim:** shit sorry this was meant to be an update, not a vent

**Void:** y o u c a n v e n t, i t s f i n e

**Tim:** i am so fucking gay for this man

**Tim:** s o gay

**Tim:** he is so good? So wholesome? And he hugged me for like fifteen minutes and told me that he missed me and I like slightly melted

**Tim:** I am In Love with him and shit if i dont want to tell him

**Tim:** i think it’d make him happy

**Tim:** even though i know he doesn’t feel the same

**Tim:** I just feel he deserves to know that somebody does

**Tim:** that somebody loves him so fucking all-consumingly

**Tim:** i wont, though

**Tim:** because that’s scary

**Void:** b a b y n o

**Void:** d o n t b e a c o w a r d

**Tim:** thing is i’m not even being a coward

**Tim:** bc yeah, i want him to know

**Tim:** i want him to have that

**Tim:** but i don’t want him to feel indebted to me

**Tim:** and i know he would

**Tim:** this beautiful, perfect bundle of anxiety would see that i loved him and that he didnt feel the same

**Tim:** and do anything to make himself feel worthy of that 

**Tim:** and i dont want that

**Tim:** i dont want to have to be worried that anything and everything he’s doing is to try and appease me?

**Tim:** i love him and that means for his sake i cannot tell him

**Void:** t h r o w b a c k t o w h e n i t h o u g h t y o u h a d t h e b r a i n c e l l

**Tim:** i thought you were the nice one :(

**Tim:** how are you doing though, void

**Void:** b e t t e r n o w i h a v e t h e f r o n t r o w t i c k e t s t o y o u r s t u p i d i t y

**Tim:** :(((

**WORK BITCHES**

**_@stop stealing my sexuality_ ** _ renamed  _ **_@MahhhTIN_ ** _ to  _ **_@MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck)_ **

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** i missed you all <3

**stop stealing my sexuality:** i missed you too

**stop stealing my sexuality:** so much

**Our Awesome Aro Mum:** I’m glad you’re back, Martin! We were all really worried xx

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** It is a massive relief, Martin.

**The Gothfather:** love you marto

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** i love you all

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Tim:** ik Jon sent you home but if you dont wanna be alone my couch is always open

**Tim:** i have excessive amounts of alcohol and unlike jon i keep my fridge stocked

**Tim:** tho also you might wanna be alone or not with me and thats very understandable

**Martin:** i would love that, Tim

**Tim:** will let Jon know we’re leaving quickly - if you grab anything you need? 

**Martin:** deal <3

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** marto is coming back to mine so imma leave now too

**Jon:** oh

**Jon:** congratulations?

**Tim:** oh nonono not like that i just

**Tim:** it feels if i let him leave i’ll forget him again

**Tim:** and i can’t risk that

**Jon:** I can understand that

**Jon:** Probably a good idea to give him your spare room anyway, trauma is quite possibly a concern 

**Tim:** i don’t acc have a spare room oops

**Tim:** i was just gonna take the couch

**Jon:** Oh, that’s fair

**Jon:** Good luck getting him to agree to that, though

**Tim:** i’m sure itll be fine 

  
  


**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** Gerry 

**Tim:** I missed him so much

**Tim:** Gonna need to go to bed soonish

**Tim:** It’s like 1am

**Tim:** But i’m gonna miss him

**Gerry:** share a bed duh 

**Tim:** Jar no

**Gerry:** i would

**Tim:** you aren't in love with him

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎:_ **

**Gerry:** so uh

**Gerry:** opinions on martin, babe?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** king, gives good hugs

**Gerry:** mood

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** permission to simp lmao?

**Gerry:** oh thank fuck

**Gerry:** and granted

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** ok so he’s babey

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but also not babey bc he’s hella fucking competent and also? When he threatened Nikola to get the video? That was fucking hot

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i mean we have a pining honesty policy so you know it hasn’t gotten to that point yet

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but still, this fucking man. He is warmth and softness and kindness and he is solitude and anxiety but above all of that he just cares? So much? He is yellow and gold and brown and also grey. He is baking bread and sunshine and fireflies. He is smores by a campfire and singing your favourite songs. He is empty streets in the pouring rain and the laughter spilling out of coffee shops. He is the feeling of coming home after a long day. 

**Gerry:** i love how you see the world, baby

**Gerry:** also this is a relief

**Gerry:** i mean you already knew i was slightly pining 

**Gerry:** bc honesty policy 

**Gerry:** but um tim said ‘well you arent in love with him’ and i laughed which i dont wanna unpack but thought you should be aware of 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** well, he IS boyfriend shaped?

**Gerry:** I love you so much

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i love you too

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** and if you do love him, i guess we gotta figure out how to ask him out <3

**Gerry:** how did i get so lucky as to have you?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i’m the lucky one, gerbear

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** and i mean, martin is pretty fucking great so why would i NOT be down?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** he’s a good contrast to you, too <3

**Gerry:** i love you so fucking much

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i love you too

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** Spiral Goth Solidarity <3

**martin be my friend**

**The real one:** Hey, you told me to keep you updated, Nikola?

**The real one:** So i went back to work

**The real one:** Jon sent me home but has kinda been avoiding me

**The real one:** So thanks for that Nartin

**The other one:** im sorry :(((

**The other one:** if it makes you feel any better he was a really good kisser?

**The real one:** it doesn’t

**The real one:** but anyway um 

**The real one:** am now staying at Tim’s

**MoisturiseMe:** He Is The Other One You’re In Love With, Right?

**The real one:** yep :(

**The real one:** he’s trying to fight me on taking the couch 

**Mikey’s goth:** don’t be a coward, share the bed

**The real one:** i can’t do that!

**Mikey’s goth:** why not? 

**The real one:** bc i’m in love with him

**Fuckhands McKnife:** Ŧยςкเภﻮ ђ๏קєɭєรร

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ฬђץ เร єשєгץ๏ภє เ кภ๏ฬ ค ยรєɭєรร ﻮคץ

**Mikey’s goth:** because you, too, are a useless gay

**Fuckhands McKnife:** Շ๏ยςђє, ɭ๏שє

**simping for jon club**

**_Monsterfucker_ ** _ added  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**_Monsterfucker_ ** _ renamed  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ to  _ **_L̡͍̦̱͆o͎͙͗̄ͮ̍͟v͈̰̮̳̫͍ͯe͇̜͈͎̠ͪ̈ͦ̽͟ ̽҉̺̱̫͚̻͔͍ȯ͇̭ͭͨ͝f̴͖̱̜̤̮̺́ͭ̐ͦ ̙͔͔̼͇̭̳͗̆͒͜ͅm͓̫̥͓̓ͭ̋͗y̘̩̰̹͍͙ͬͬͨ͟ ̬͎ͣ͞f͉̫̹͔͚͋̅ͤ̋͟u̶̞̤̤̪͖̝͎͛ͧ̊c̮͓͈̳̋͢ķ̳͕͈̼̰̰̮̈́̓ͤį͖̭͋ͤ̍ͮṉ̘͙̣̤͔ͩ̐̐͢ͅg̝̠͖͙ͧ̐͢ͅ ̋̋̊ͦ҉̬̤̦̬̮̝l̼̞̜̘̠̹͎̝͑͋͠i̹̬͈͇͙̟͆̐̿́͝f̸̘͇ͩ̇ͫe̶̬͔͍ͣ̃_ **

**Tim Simper:** Jar that’s kinda gay

**Monsterfucker:** sup homos

**Monsterfucker:** Timothy, Marto

**Monsterfucker:** neither of you want the other to take the couch

**Monsterfucker:** neither of you would be comfy on the couch

**Monsterfucker:** solution? Share the bed

**Tim Simper:** oh um

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** um

**L̡͍̦̱͆o͎͙͗̄ͮ̍͟v͈̰̮̳̫͍ͯe͇̜͈͎̠ͪ̈ͦ̽͟ ̽҉̺̱̫͚̻͔͍ȯ͇̭ͭͨ͝f̴͖̱̜̤̮̺́ͭ̐ͦ ̙͔͔̼͇̭̳͗̆͒͜ͅm͓̫̥͓̓ͭ̋͗y̘̩̰̹͍͙ͬͬͨ͟ ̬͎ͣ͞f͉̫̹͔͚͋̅ͤ̋͟u̶̞̤̤̪͖̝͎͛ͧ̊c̮͓͈̳̋͢ķ̳͕͈̼̰̰̮̈́̓ͤį͖̭͋ͤ̍ͮṉ̘͙̣̤͔ͩ̐̐͢ͅg̝̠͖͙ͧ̐͢ͅ ̋̋̊ͦ҉̬̤̦̬̮̝l̼̞̜̘̠̹͎̝͑͋͠i̹̬͈͇͙̟͆̐̿́͝f̸̘͇ͩ̇ͫe̶̬͔͍ͣ̃:** do it cowards

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** i dont wanna put tim out

**Tim Simper:** i dont wanna make marto uncomfortable

**Monsterfucker:** ffs i love you both but just share the fucking bed

**Monsterfucker:** marto - you wont be putting him out you’ll just be adding a bit of body heat and ideally cuddles

**Monsterfucker:** timathon - i can promise you you wont make martin uncomfortable

**Tim Simper:** i mean martin if youre okay with it idm?

**Tim Simper:** would be kinda nice i guess?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** i’m down if you are?

**L̡͍̦̱͆o͎͙͗̄ͮ̍͟v͈̰̮̳̫͍ͯe͇̜͈͎̠ͪ̈ͦ̽͟ ̽҉̺̱̫͚̻͔͍ȯ͇̭ͭͨ͝f̴͖̱̜̤̮̺́ͭ̐ͦ ̙͔͔̼͇̭̳͗̆͒͜ͅm͓̫̥͓̓ͭ̋͗y̘̩̰̹͍͙ͬͬͨ͟ ̬͎ͣ͞f͉̫̹͔͚͋̅ͤ̋͟u̶̞̤̤̪͖̝͎͛ͧ̊c̮͓͈̳̋͢ķ̳͕͈̼̰̰̮̈́̓ͤį͖̭͋ͤ̍ͮṉ̘͙̣̤͔ͩ̐̐͢ͅg̝̠͖͙ͧ̐͢ͅ ̋̋̊ͦ҉̬̤̦̬̮̝l̼̞̜̘̠̹͎̝͑͋͠i̹̬͈͇͙̟͆̐̿́͝f̸̘͇ͩ̇ͫe̶̬͔͍ͣ̃:** G babe i’m getting flashbacks

**Monsterfucker:** how i wish the flashbacks mirrored whats actually happening :’)

**L̡͍̦̱͆o͎͙͗̄ͮ̍͟v͈̰̮̳̫͍ͯe͇̜͈͎̠ͪ̈ͦ̽͟ ̽҉̺̱̫͚̻͔͍ȯ͇̭ͭͨ͝f̴͖̱̜̤̮̺́ͭ̐ͦ ̙͔͔̼͇̭̳͗̆͒͜ͅm͓̫̥͓̓ͭ̋͗y̘̩̰̹͍͙ͬͬͨ͟ ̬͎ͣ͞f͉̫̹͔͚͋̅ͤ̋͟u̶̞̤̤̪͖̝͎͛ͧ̊c̮͓͈̳̋͢ķ̳͕͈̼̰̰̮̈́̓ͤį͖̭͋ͤ̍ͮṉ̘͙̣̤͔ͩ̐̐͢ͅg̝̠͖͙ͧ̐͢ͅ ̋̋̊ͦ҉̬̤̦̬̮̝l̼̞̜̘̠̹͎̝͑͋͠i̹̬͈͇͙̟͆̐̿́͝f̸̘͇ͩ̇ͫe̶̬͔͍ͣ̃:** fucking mood love

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I am very confused

**Tim Simper:** me too

**martin be my friend**

**The real one:** idk whether or not to thank you and michael, gerry

**The real one:** bc on one hand i just woke up with arms full of sleeping Tim

**The real one:** but on the other hand i can never look at him again because I WAS SLEEP CUDDLING HIM

**Fuckhands McKnife:** this is gerry my phone is on the other side of the bed and i am lazy

**Fuckhands McKnife:** but gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**The real one:** GERRY NO

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** i presume michael can see this too

**Tim:** i dont know whether to thank you or hate you two

**Tim:** i woke up IN MARTIN’S ARMS

**Tim:** HE WAS HOLDING ME

**Tim:** LIKE I WAS SOMETHING PRECIOUS

**Tim:** THIS IS THE BEST MORNING OF MY LIFE BUT ALSO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS WHAT

**Tim:** GUYS HELP ME

**Tim:** GUYS IM HIDING IN THE BATHROOM BC I KEEP BLUSHING

**Tim:** I AM SO FUCKING GAY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE IS SO SOFT AND I THINK I REMEMBER HIM KISSING MY FOREHEAD BEFORE I FELL ASLEEP

**Tim:** I WAS LIKE CAGED IN BY HIS ARMS AND I NORMALLY HATE IT BUT I FELT SO PROTECTED

**Tim:** GUYS I CAN SEE READ RECEIPTS PLS HELP IDK HOW TO FACE HIM WITHOUT PROCLAIMING MY UNDYING LOVE

**Tim:** are you guys laughing it feels like you’re laughing

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ sent a video [Video Description: a tall, distorted figure sits up in bed, mostly covered by the duvet, and laughs a genuine, yet highly disconcerting laugh. There are tears in his eyes and their shoulders are shaking, blonde curls falling in front of her strangely swirling eyes. The camera is also shaking, significantly more natural laughter coming from the person taking the video.] _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IS THIS SERATONIN ENOUGH FOR YOU?   
> (if it's not, go and read the spin off 'Martin Stop Being Strange In The Archives' then come back and realise you Cannot Complain)


	21. Cis people? In my archives? it’s less likely than you think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRANS RIGHTS  
> (cw for discussion of pronouns, including it/it's)

**WORK BITCHES**

**Your awesome aro mum:** Happy Trans Visibility Day, guys!!

**stop stealing my sexuality: 💙💗🤍💗💙**

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** happy trans pride :))

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Martin:** hi Tim, really sorry

**Martin:** this is probably just my anxiety playing up but uh do you think sash was aiming it at me in the chat?

**Martin:** like i dont think she’s trying to be mean or anything i just

**Martin:** thought i passed alright

**Martin:** lmao

**Tim:** wait ur trans?

**Tim:** ?!?!

**Martin:** oh f u c k

**Martin:** guess i just outed myself lol

**Tim:** gang gang

**Tim:** oh shit sorry did you not want me to know?

**Martin:** gang gang??? You’re trans???

**Tim:** i mean kinda?

**Tim:** fuck it if we’re doing this i’ll do it on the main chat

**WORK BITCHES**

**stop stealing my sexuality:** on today, our one day of visibility

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** When crimes may no longer be committed?

**stop stealing my sexuality:** exactly

**stop stealing my sexuality:** i figured it’s possibly a good time to mention am nb/genderfluid? I’m good with they/he/she pronouns though so shouldn’t make much difference :)

**Your awesome aro mum:** If we’re doing the coming out thing, I’m trans :) She/her pronouns

**Your awesome aro mum:** I’m comfy enough with you all to say

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I’m non-binary too. I use he/they pronouns?

**stop stealing my sexuality:** jon-binary lmao

**The Gothfather:** while we’re on the subject, would you guys mind using they/them for me? I’m nb too :))

**Your awesome aro mum:** Yeah, of course!

**The Gothfather:** i guess martin is our token cis then 

**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Elias:** Hello Gerard

**Elias:** I didn’t realise you were not cis

**Elias:** Would you like a job?

**Elias:** I do not hire cis people for the archives

**Gerry:** a) wtf

**Gerry:** b) my name is GERRY not Gerard, you twat

**Gerry:** c) fuck no

**WORK BITCHES**

**TheGothfather:** Hi can I add mikey?

**TheGothfather:** he said it’s bullshit that we didn’t do pronouns earlier

**TheGothfather:** and if we dont add them

**TheGothfather:** she might go feral and stab someone

**TheGothfather:** and i mean fae have knife hands that’s not a good idea?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** You can add Michael 

**_TheGothfather_ ** _ added  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**_stop stealing my sexuality_ ** _ renamed  _ **_M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ to  _ **_ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:_ **

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** ooh this is a nice font :)

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** anyway, you idiots need to learn to be functional

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** and for some reason an entity of chaos is the best thing to do the job?

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** Hi! I am Michael! I use Any pronouns (she/he/they/it/fae/xe/ve/ae/sometimes I invent new ones for the hell of it!). I am Polyam and probably Technically Pan but I am not sure, as past-me and present me mesh weirdly! Fun Fact about me! I am an entity of fear and chaos itself, i like fairgrounds and long walks on the beach and through the hallways, and I am very much in love with my Partner, Gerry <3

**TheGothfather:** sup i’m gerry, they/them pronouns, also polyam and queer if we’re putting sexuality? And fun fact if you try and make me give a fun fact again michael I WILL break up with you?

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** :((((((((( 

**TheGothfather:** ok just bc i love you fun fact i am hella queer for an eldritch horror and ae are very cute i love her with my whole entire heart

**stop stealing my sexuality:** gay omg

**stop stealing my sexuality:** also i’m tim, he/they/sometimes she, poly and disaster bi, and fun fact it feels bizarre to be reintroducing myself to my coworkers

**TheGothfather:** thats a cop out of a fact

**stop stealing my sexuality:** says mx ‘hi i’m gerry and i’m gay’?

**stop stealing my sexuality:** but fine um facts facts facts

**stop stealing my sexuality:** i have more hawaiian shirts than braincells and i have stolen most of sasha’s pens

**Our awesome aro mum:** Tim, what the actual fuck

**Our awesome aro mum:** That was you?!?!?!?!

**Our awesome aro mum:** I will murder you

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** wow things are really heating up in the pen fandom

**Our awesome aro mum:** Also hi! I’m Sasha! I use She/Her pronouns, I’m aromantic and pansexual, and Fun Fact! Timothy Stoker Will Fucking Die Tonight :))))

**stop stealing my sexuality:** fuck

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Jon sims, he/they, i’m asexual, fun fact my romantic orientation is even less comprehensible than my sleep schedule 

**stop stealing my sexuality:** Jon, you don’t sleep

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Exactly.

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Far as I can tell I am probably demiromantic/biromantic? 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** possibly poly but that sounds stressful lmao so no i’ll repress that like everything else

**stop stealing my sexuality:** Jon are you doing okay?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** No? 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** oh also fun fact i’m in a band

**stop stealing my sexuality:** WAIT WHAT??? ELABORATE?? PLEASE???

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** we are called the mechanisms! Queer space pirate bards being gay doing crime in space!

**stop stealing my sexuality:** please elaborate??

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** info dump acceptable?

**stop stealing my sexuality:** obviously

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Space pirates travelling aboard the starship Aurora. We have several albums - Once Upon A Time (In Space) are fairy tales set in space, Rose Red and Snow and Cinders and Old King Cole and people! Very fun! You should listen! We rewrite folk songs (and other things)

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We also have Ulysses Dies at Dawn, about Ulysses (or Odysseus), set in the City (based off the Labyrinth) with characters like Ariadne, Oedipus, Heracles, Orpheus, who are the Suits. And High Noon Over Camelot, about Lancelot, Guinevere, Arthur, Morgause/Mordred, Merlin (aka Brian), Galahad, Gawain - it’s set on Fort Galfridian which does Not and I repeat NOT have a tube sun.

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We also have two albums of individual songs and are working on The Bifrost Incident, which is Norse Mythos set in SPACE. Now onto the crew! Ashes O’Reilly, Quartermaster, the living representation of be-gay-do-arson, set fire to their home planet and now occasionally impersonate gods. Their mechanism is lungs. Raphaella La Cognizi, science officer, the only one with actual braincells. She has wings! 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Nastya Rasputina, Engineer, quicksilver blood, she fucks the ship which is kinda weird? Gunpowder Tim, he likes guns and the ‘brutal hymn of gunpowder remains his favourite song’, mechanism is eyes, achilles-style-backstory. Ivy Alexandria! She would be counted among the braincells but her brain is her mechanism, so it’s not real. a walking encyclopedia! Likes facts!

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Baron Marius Von Raum whos the doctor but also isn’t a doctor OR a baron but that’s okay. Arm mechanism. Drumbot Brian is completely metal bar his heart and peer pressured us into giving him prophetic powers so he keeps being fUCKING CRYPTIC anyway

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Toy Soldier, voice of an angel - stolen, but that’s not the point here - but otherwise is just There. It is a toy soldier! Fun! And finally myself, Jonny D’Ville, Captain, Heart mechanism, and clearly the best

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** first mate <333

**TheGothfather:** first mate :)))

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** fucks sake

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** wait you know????

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** your friend showed me when I was kidnapped

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** you’re really good :)

**TheGothfather:** Gunpowder Timothy is my favourite

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** Gun Tim is a PRETTY MAN WITH PRETTY HAIR

**stop stealing my sexuality:** martin what the fuck you knew about this and didn’t tell me?? And gerry??? Betrayal. I will now only message this chat and Jon -_-

**Our awesome aro mum:** Rude.

**stop stealing my sexuality:** okay and sasha is valid too (even though she threatened to KILL me).

**stop stealing my sexuality:** though actually marto you haven’t sent an introduction yet?

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** Oh uh I couldn’t think of any interesting facts

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** I’m just kinda boring I guess

**stop stealing my sexuality:** marto no! you’re interesting i have facts

**stop stealing my sexuality:** you bake your own bread? like weekly sourdough??? you write your own poetry? you make your own tea blends from scratch? you have a bullet journal as a recipe book? you knit clothes? you can play saxophone but haven’t since school? you still play the violin sometimes when you’re sad? you read the entirety of les miserables because you got bored? you got leads in all your plays at school and a couple of extracurriculars? 

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** well now I don’t have any facts left :(

**stop stealing my sexuality:** martin you’ve been typing for five minutes? Everything ok?

**MahhhTIN (he’s back thank fuck):** Hi :) i’m martin (the real one), I use he/him pronouns, i’m very gay (though technically also demisexual and polyamorous? lmao?), and fun fact about me i guess? i’m transgender? The rest of you came out so I figured I should too, sorry it’s not a very good fact

**stop stealing my sexuality:** i’m very proud of you marto <3

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We have no cis rep? This is wonderful. And thank you for trusting us with this, Martin. And everyone. I feel this was a good conversation to have. 

**stop stealing my sexuality:** ok so we’ve had deep convos whos down for dronks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last of our backlog so apologies as posting may slow down.   
> ALSO summary in case the format was confusing:  
> Sasha mtf (she/her)  
> Martin ftm (he/him)  
> Jon ftm nb (he/they) -and real proud of his band  
> Gerry nonbinary (they/them)  
> Tim genderfluid/nonbinary (he/they/sometimes she)  
> Michael no (if you can think of a pronoun fae uses it)


	22. DRONKS DRONKS DRONKS (the alcohol saga; act 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the only thing Lemon had to say about these next few chapters is that They Are So Incredibly Stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for alcohol content / drunk characters (namely cuddly drunk jon)

**WORK BITCHES**

**stop stealing my sexuality:** me and marto are here now

**stop stealing my sexuality:** sash get ur arse here jon and ger are here now

**Our awesome aro mum:** Calm down I’m five minutes away

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimStoker_ **

**Martin:** i cannot believe jon is this much of a lightweight

**Martin:** he has had like two drinks and already seems kinda drunk?

**Tim:** what did you expect he’s like 5’ and built like a starving victorian child

**Martin:** he’s taller than 5’ but i get your point

**Martin:** Tim he keeps leaning against me and sasha

**Martin:** seems like he’s a tactile drunk and fuck i wanna hug him

**Tim:** do it

**Martin:** i’m too sober for that

**Martin:** TIM NO WE DON’T NEED TEQUILA WHAT THE FUCK 

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how are drinks, baby?

**Gerry:** good :)

**Gerry:** am not drunk yet but Jon low key is and he’s a cuddly drunk

**Gerry:** he keeps leaning against sasha or martin and cuddling into their arms

**Gerry:** martin is bright red it’s adorable

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it sounds it

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** lmk if you want picking up, i love you <3

**Gerry:** i love you too

**Gerry:** gerry get all your coworkers drunk challenge?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** fucking do it, gerbear

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Martin:** Tim 

**Martin:** Tim what do I do he’s leaning on me

**Martin:** Tim he’s a cuddly drunk

**Martin:** Tim

**Tim:** then cuddle him? Duh?

**Martin:** Ok fuck it i will

**Martin:** love you

**@** **_TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ **

**Tim:** sasha martin said love you what do i do

**Sasha:** Stop texting people in the same room as you?

**Tim:** sasha you wound me 

**Tim:** here i thought we were friends

**Sasha:** Lmao you love me

**Tim:** i mean obviously

**Sasha:** Aww

**Sasha:** Gay :)

**Tim:** :ooo

**Tim:** what? no i am completely heterosexual

**Tim:** id even go so fafr as to say homophobic

**Sasha:** :O

**Tim:** omg an emoji??? sash ur learning!!!

  
  


**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** scale of 1-10 how much are you vibing rn?

**Jon:** big number

**Jon:** martin comfy

**Jon:** wanna stay here forwverrrr

**Jon:** warm

**Tim:** jealous lmao

**Jon:** come cuddle too

**Jon:** somft

**Tim:** i hear your point and i raise you

**Tim:** shots 

**Jon:** coward

**Tim:** how dare you

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** hiya update both tim and jon are snuggling martin

**Gerry:** his entire face is gay panic

**Gerry:** its adorable

**Gerry:** tho low key i wanna join

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you could join or alternatively buy more alcohol and hope they get more actively drunk

**Gerry:** tempting

**Gerry:** they might also get drunk enough to sort their shit out

**Gerry:** ooh i might order another round and then suggest karaoke? I wanna hear mr jon jarcavist sims sing live

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** do it babe <3

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Martin:** gerry gerry they’re cuddling me

**Martin:** b o t h of them

**Martin:** gerry im so fucking gay? I would die for them? 

**Martin:** gerry what do i do

**Gerry:** cuddle back?

**Gerry:** you want more drinks? Was thinking ab getting another round

**Martin:** please

**Martin:** am feeling emotions and dont wanna think ab them

**Gerry:** emotions question mark?

**Martin:** i am in love with them

**Martin:** which i knew but liek

**Martin:** I am IN LOVE with them

**Martin:** both of them

**Martin:** hopelessly so

**Martin:** like i-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-these-men level

**Gerry:** i’d offer a hug but i think you’re doing pretty well on that front

**Gerry:** so alcohol?

**Martin:** please :’)

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** hi georgieee

**Jon:** i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

**Jon:** also martin is letting me cuddle him and am comfyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Jon:** hehehe

**Georgie:** how drunk are you?

**Jon:** preeeettyyyyy drunk

**Jon:** but sleepy not flirty drunk

**Jon:** yet

**Jon:** still cuddly drunk

**Jon:** oh shit i shpuld stop drinking

**Georgie:** nah

**Georgie:** keep drinking

**Jon:** okay!

**Jon:** thank you dor the encouragement georgie

**Jon:** did u know i love u?

**Jon:** not like i love martin - anymore - but still

**Jon:** 10/10 would die for yp0u

**Georgie:** please don’t

**Georgie:** love you too jon now go get shots

**Jon:** okay mum

**Jon:** ooh nvm we going for karaoke will talk to u later

**Georgie:** have fun lmao

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** karaoke is a go

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** have fun baby

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** sing a love song for me?

**Gerry:** always, mikey <3

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Martin:** TIM 

**Martin:** TIM HOW DID THEY MANAGE TO MAKE THIS SOUND LIEK A LOVE SONG

**Martin:** TIM 

**Martin:** THEY TOLD ME TO RECORD IT TO SEND TO MICHAEL AND I WAS CONFUSED BUT THEY MADE IT LOVE SONG

**Martin:** TIM I AM SO GAY GERRY CAN S I N G

**Martin:** TIMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

**Martin:** TIM THEYS SO GOOD AND THEY MADE IT A LOVE SONG I DIDN’T THINK IT COULD BE MADE A LOVE SONG

**Martin:** TIM THEY KEEP LIKE CROONING BITS

**Martin:** T I M

**Tim:** im watching too martin

**Tim:** i might have to get them to come join me and sash for our go to

**Martin:** GO TO?

**Tim:** cult of dionysus

  
  


**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Martin:** SASHA PLS TELL ME YOU AND TIM ARENT GONNA SING CULT OF DIONYSUS

**Martin:** SASHA I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT

**Martin:** SASHA I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

**Martin:** S A S H A 

**Sasha:** I mean we’re going up now so enjoy your gay panic lmao

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss:_ **

**Martin:** hi permission to simp?

**Jane:** Martin!!! Yes, absolutely!!!!

**Martin:** gerry and tim

**Martin:** singing cult of dionysus

**Martin:** w sasha

**Martin:** jane im dying here theyre so hot and they can both sing real good and theyre singing ab getting mischievous and polyamorous and i think i might have spontaneously combusted like half a minute ago

**Jane:** Date them!!!   
**Martin:** i fucking wish

**Martin:** gerry already turned ‘turn the lights off’ into a LOVE SONG for their partner they are sO in love and tim likes jon

**Martin:** i mean theyre both poly but i kinda dont compare lmao

**Jane:** Martin!!! What the fuck!!!!

**Jane:** Martin you are b a b e y

**Jane:** I stan you nearly as much as i stan my worms!!!

**Jane:** No self deprecation in this good gay household thank

**Martin:** thanks, i guess?

**Jane:** Love you martin!!!!

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Martin:** TIM YOU DIDNT TELL ME U CAN S I N G

**Martin:** TIMOTHY STOKER I RESPECTFULLY SIMP FOR YOU

**Martin:** TIM PLEASE SING AGAIN

**Martin:** TIM I ACTUALLY BEG YOU

**Martin:** I WILL CRY

**Tim:** okay!! don’t cry!!!

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Martin:** SASHA HOW IS HE THIS TALENTED

**Martin:** THE FUCKING R A N G E

**Martin:** NEVER HAVE I HEARD MR BRIGHTSIDE SO GOOD

**Martin:** I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN

**Sasha:** are all alloromantics this hopeless?

**Sasha:** bc i struggle to believe that but also,,,,,,,,,

**Martin:** rude 

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** gerooooooooohieeeeeeeeee

**Jon:** geroogie am gyayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Jon:** haha g-yay

**Jon:** bc gay is hsppy

**Jon:** get it????????????????????

**Georgie:** do you need me to come pick you up?

**Jon:** domt ypu dare

**Jon:** martin is pilkow and real confy

**Jon:** s o m f t

**Georgie:** you will regret this so much in the morning

**Georgie:** lmk if you want picking up <3

**Jon:** sf yiu cyt tjis sjort i willl fycjing deferenstrate yiu

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** martin took a video for me <3

**Gerry:** i love you so much mikey

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** did you just make tally hall into a love song?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** for me?

**Gerry:** ofc. my s/o is a beautiful eldritch horror and ae deserve a song fitting of that

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** b a b y

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also you should serenade martin

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i think he’d blush

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i think you’d wanna see that

**Gerry:** i love you so much

**Gerry:** also i will in a lil bit but i think tim and sasha want to sing shit now

**Gerry:** do i give mr stimstam stonker more alcohol to see if HE will get drunk enough to serenade martin?

**Gerry:** so far only Jon is DRUNK (and he’s cuddling marto i’m low key jealous)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** go cuddle him then

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** if not ur a coward

**Gerry:** well shit i have to then

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Martin:** tim both gerry and jon are cuddling me what do i dO

**Tim:** v i b e

**Tim:** aslo sash just made me do like 7 shots w her

**Tim:** this was bad idea

**Martin:** oh uh gerry also bought you more alcohol <3 it’s on the table when you get back from singing

**Tim:** o shit

**Martin:** what u gonna sing?

**Tim:** womanizer :)

**Martin:** o shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont you guys worry, more drunk shenanigans will soon proceed


	23. The Idiocy Continues (the alcohol saga; act 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We were writing on call and lemon whisper-yelled ‘dUMB MOTHERFUCKER!!! yOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKER YOU STUPID DUMB GAYS I hate them why are they so stupid Persephone’ so uh good luck with this one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for dronks dronks dronks

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss:_ **

**Martin:** hi tim is singing womanizer and just winked at me

**Martin:** he also i think it’s called a ‘slut drop’?

**Martin:** he has done many 

**Martin:** jane i am such a fucking homosexual

**Martin:** sorry for bothering you btw

**Martin:** sasha keeps calling me out for being hopeless

**Martin:** and i’m cRUSHING ON ALL THE OTHERS 

**Martin:** and i mean we’re kinda friends right?

**Jane:** WE’RE FRIENDS???

**Martin:** oh i mean if we’re not thats okay too ig?

**Jane:** I CANT BELIEVE I SUCCEEDED IN MARTIN BE MY FRIEND CHALLENGE THIS IS THE HAPPIEST I HAVE BEEN IN YEARS OTHER THAN NIKOLA AGREEING TO DATE ME WOW

**Martin:** oh 

**Martin:** :)))))))

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood:_ **

**Gerry:** i’m not the one in love w tim but that was pretty hot

**Gerry:** how you feeling marto?

**Martin:** GAY

**Martin:** SO GAY

**Martin:** HE CAN S I N G AND ALSO CAN DANCE???

**Martin:** AND ALSO UNBUTTONED LIKE HALF HIS SHIRT HOW DO U THINK IM FEELING

**Martin:** TIM HOT ME GAY ALSO ME SLIGHTLY IN LOVE W HIM ANYWAY

**Gerry:** ‘slightly’?

**Martin:** why is everyone so mean to me i’m going back to messaging jane

**Gerry:** :(((

**Martin:** i’ll keep messaging you if you sing again?

**Gerry:** :)))

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** imma serenade martin :)))

**Gerry:** he said i should sing again imma do it

**Gerry:** would you be so kind? Or like strawberry blond? Martin is soft so deserves a soft song

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** first one gerbear

**Gerry:** okay love you fuckhands :)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** love you

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Martin:** TIM IM DYING THIS S O N G

**Martin:** fuck i wish it was acc directed at me lmao always wanted to serenaded like this

**Martin:** but aLSO 

**Martin:** i dont think i could deal w that this is,,, so beautiful my entire fucking hEART

**Martin:** plot twist i am maybe in love with gerry too

**Martin:** fuck

**Martin:** i should maybe be singing this to him?

**Martin:** god i am not drunk enough for this

**Tim:** thrn dronk mpre?

**Martin:** i hear you but 1) effort and 2) money

**Tim:** hiw much have ypu had?

**Martin:** more than you, probably

**Tim:** :ooooooooo

**Tim:** but sahs made me do shpts and now am dRONK

**Martin:** jon kept buying drinks so i kept drinking them for him

**Martin:** he is already very drunk

**Martin:** also me and ger did shots a couple times

**Tim:** hiw are ypu not drynk

**Martin:** i am really not a lightweight, tim

**Tim:** thyts kinda hpt

**Martin:** oh god oh no

**Martin:** i apparently blushed or something so jon asked what happened and he said you were right (???) and also slurred that i am ‘wide and full of love’ i dont know how to react to this

**Tim:** yknow what? Jpn is right

**Tim:** thats an apt descripion 

**Tim:** yure hot and wide and full of love and tea

**Tim:** and really hot

**Tim:** like reallllllllllllly hot

**Martin:** um

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Martin:** hi ur singing was beautiful i loved the song

**Martin:** though also im dying jon is apparently a flirty drunk? And keeps winking at me and making comments and i am b r i g h t red idk how to deal w this and then tim is messaging me and im not surprised he is a flirty drunk but i also didnt expect it to be turned on me

**Martin:** i just simultaneously got the message ‘u should sing it’d be smexy’ and a comment on my freckles and??? Constellations?? From Jon???

**Martin:** shit are they teaming up they just both told me to unbutton my shirt a bit gerry help idk how to deal w this people never flirt w me??   
**Gerry:** nah you know what they have a point

**Gerry:** get rid of 2-3 buttons that’d be hot

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss:_ **

**Martin:** they all are flirting w me i think why

**Martin:** if only they felt like this sober smh

**Martin:** i apparently should unbutton my shirt and?? what?? Im not the kinda person who just gets hotter from that lmao probably the opposite

**Jane:** martin i love you but you’re r e a l l y stupid

**Jane:** unbutton the shirt bby give your boys what they want

**Martin:** you were my last nice friend :(

**_GerardKeay_ ** _ has created a new chat. _

**_GerardKeay_ ** _ has added  _ **_TimothyStoker_ ** _ and  _ **_JonathanSims._ **

**_GerardKeay_ ** _ has named the chat  _ **_we’re all just gay for martin_ **

**Gerry:** apparently you BOTH asked him to unbutton his shirt

**Tim:** it seemed liek a good idea at tje timeee

**Gerry:** at the time?

**Tim:** i hqve no functioming thoghts left

**Tim:** just hnng

**Jon:** durh thiunjki i iciukd ksis jid collarh0e 0rn 9s tuja6 jeird

**Gerry:** ???

**Jon:** doyou finjk i coukdl kjisd hjisd cioklkarbone oir dsi tyhaty wwjed

**Gerry:** one more try?

**Jon:** marty

**Jon:** collarbone

**Jon:** can i dso the kiss jksiss

**Jon:** ioer is that wired

**Jon:** dopnr wanmmna make hjim unconmmfy

**Tim:** arre you asking if it’d make martooo uncomfye if you kissed his cllarbone? 

**Jon:** yewsd

**Gerry:** i mean it’s worth a try i guess?

**Tim:** dya think it;d be weird if i kissed jis LIPS

**Tim:** i mean feiends can kiss friends?

**Tim:** i kisd sash sometimes wehn i’m drunk

**Tim:** ooh imma kiss ssaha 

**Tim:** will give marto kisses ladter

**Gerry:** oh yall are DRUNK drunk i gotta drink more

**Jon:** collasbonw wenr pink wirth kisds 

**Jon:** pretty masn

**Jon:** hzs collaebonw frwcklews

**Gerry:** i understood half of those words?

**Gerry:** maybe?

**Tim:** hello im bcak jon said collarbomes went pink wehen he kissed them 

**Tim:** also thay marto is preettu man with collsrbone freckles

**Gerry:** oh

**Gerry:** valid

**Tim:** also do i sernadew him?

**Tim:** wanna sing songs for marto

**Tim:** bc gay brain go music

**martin be my friend:**

**The real one:** jon kissed my collarbone and now is cuddled into me? Like his head is n e s t l e d in my chest idk how to deal with this

**The real one:** oh shit tim is going up to sing again

**The real one:** who’s excited to watch my gay brain implode

**The other one:** you are so gay no wonder I got caught immediately

**MoisturiseMe:** Are You Drinking? Is Jon Flirty Jon Yet?

**The real one:** yeppp

**MoisturiseMe:** Has He Tried To Kiss You?

**The real one:** no???

**MoisturiseMe:** Just You Wait :D

**The real one:** i don’t have time to unpack that. tim is singing good old fashioned lover boy

**The real one:** he’s looking AT me am i that obviously blushing?

**The real one:** im so fucking gay holy shit he just winked at me can i propose to this man?

**The real one:** i am pretty sure this is aimed at me and shit i wish he would think this kinda thing when sober? 

**The real one:** his voice is so good and he’s sung the whole thing looking directly at me w h y does he have to be like this while drunk 

**The real one:** this man is actually going to break my heart. I am so in love with him and then he has the AUDACITY?

**MoisturiseMe:** Are You Okay, Martin?

**The real one:** yes im just very gay

**The real one:** oh wait shit he’s coming over

**The real one:** he’s sitting on me idk what to do

**The real one:** what do i do

**The real one:** guys???

**The real one:** wow thank you

**The real one:** fetch help

  
  


**_@SashaJames_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Sasha:** Tim

**Sasha:** I know you’re drunk but did I really just see you walk over to Martin, sit on his lap for ten minutes, steal his drink, kiss him, and then leave

**Sasha:** Because I can also see Martin having a minor meltdown/gay panic right now

**Tim:** hnng

**Tim:** martos hot

**Tim:** no regrwts

**Sasha:** You will not be saying that in the morning

**Tim:** loook 

**Tim:** notr gonna be able to kiss hjm sober

**Tim:** lesat i could then

**Tim:** i will never get thus again but i got it once

**Sasha:** Oh Tim :((

**Sasha:** Well when you’re done hiding

**Sasha:** Jon just also kissed him and slurred something about ‘if Tim gets to then I do too’ 

**Tim:** ohhhh shitrtttt pls keep me updatwed but i am NOT coming back

**Sasha:** Jon is kissing him again but Martin pushed him away. Apparently Jon is too drunk and he won’t let him make a ‘mistake’

**Sasha:** Martin is gay panicking even more 

**Sasha:** He’s just gone over to freak out to Gerry and Jon has collapsed on the table

**Sasha:** I think he might be asleep?

  
  


**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** so jon and tim both kissed martin

**Gerry:** drunkenly

**Gerry:** also he sung earlier (before this) and how can everyone sing so good? Took a lot of peer pressure but he sung hozier and also lost in the cosmos (jon looked like he was about to melt too tbf) and then just complete 180-ed and sung my name is no-one and it was hOT but then jon TOLD HIM THAT

**Gerry:** anyway martin is now freaking out to me but i am not sober and all i can think is that I want to kiss him too

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** then do it!!!

**Gerry:** i can’t - i dont want to make him feel even MORE uncomfortable

**Gerry:** though also i fucking love you thank you for hyping me up

**Gerry:** you are the best partner ever i love you so much baby

**Gerry:** fucking deity

**Gerry:** you own my entire heart

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** babe <3

**Gerry:** you’re so fucking hot? Mx michael i would like to hold your fuckhands pls and thanks

**Gerry:** i cant believe im this fucking lucky i love you so much

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how drunk are you, baby?

**Gerry:** very ;)))

**Gerry:** you should come and join me ;))))

**Gerry:** i’ve not been drunk around you yet i think that’d be real fun

**Gerry:** i mean ur dizzying anyway

**Gerry:** you make my head feel strange in a good way and when im with you i feel all floaty

**Gerry:** still not sure if thats a weird eldritch-being thing or just because i’m ridiculously ridiculously in love with you

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** baby :’) i am going to actually cry so apologies if i accidentally stain one of your shirts rainbow 

**Gerry:** you’re crying into my shirt??? bABY

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it makes me feel safe

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** YOU make me feel safe

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** hang on i described martin to you, yes?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** well you’re the thunder after the first flash of lighting in a storm, you’re dancing in the rain, warming by a fire. You are fireworks on bonfire night and the sun peeking from behind a cloud on the cloudiest days. You are the endorphins of a rollercoaster and the stability on solid ground. You are laughter. You’re the comfort of not being alone in the dark, of having somebody at your back. You are understanding the hallways, the knowledge that I am safe. You are the first heady rush of intoxicating power. You are the first clear, untainted breath after you’ve been crying. You’re fast cars driving faster and singing out of the window at the top of your lungs. You’re the blushing on a first date and the fluttering butterflies. You are loud music and soft smiles. You are black and red and gold and power. You are pure emotion. You are love. 

**Gerry:** fuck

**Gerry:** michael i’m gonna cry

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker:_ **

**Jon:** gerorige i fucsked up i kidsdsed martin

**Jon:** asldo i’mn commiserating withh tim becaude so disd he andd maertin is sdo good so purew

**Jon:** asdnd um

**Jon:** ids thidnk i miggdht alsod liewk tim

**Jon:** can yoiuu picik mee up pleade 

**Georgie:** of course hun i’m on my way

**Jon:** noice judt gon sing drink spaxdw poireate fierdt

**Georgie:** sounds good

**martin be my friend**

**The real one:** final update on people im crushing on/hopelessly in love with saga

**The real one:** um im avoiding jon and tim so am outside with gerry

**The real one:** and they just got messages from michael and the softest fucking expression lit up their face and my heart can’t cope with it

**The real one:** so fuck i guess im in love with them too lmao?

**The real one:** which is Fun

**Fuckhands McKnife:** 𝔟𝔦𝔤 𝔪𝔬𝔬𝔡

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ɠιʋҽ ƚԋҽɱ α ƙιʂʂ ϝσɾ ɱҽ?

**The real one:** fuck

**The real one:** oh fuck

**The real one:** wrong chat

**The real one:** oh god michael im so sorry for simping over your partner i feel so bad

**The real one:** im not even drunk enough to excuse this

**The real one:** fuck

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

_ The real one unsent a message _

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ƈσɯαɾԃ

**Fuckhands McKnife:** ﻮยєรร เ'ɭɭ ђคשє Շ๏ ς๏๓є คภ๔ кเรร Շђє๓ Շђєภ :))))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes - we know drunk people dont actually text like this! Our 18+ (and british) author has been drunk in the past few days. Do we care that this is inaccurate? No.


	24. Hangovers? In THIS economy? (the alcohol saga; act 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay, please accept these stupid fucking homosexuals as an apology

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss_ **

**Martin:** Hello, Jane

**Martin:** I am feeling

**Martin:** Regrets

**Jane:** hungover?

**Martin:** Surprisingly enough, no

**Martin:** Hydration is a real lifesaver 

**Martin:** However

**Martin:** It does nothing for Embarrassment

**Jane:** what happened?

**Martin:** I realised i’m in love with three people, probably made it obvious, two of them drunkenly kissed me because they’re flirty drunks, and i confessed my love for the last on a chat that they and their partner are in, and their partner sAW

**Martin:** I may not get hangovers but i do get h-anxiety

**Jane:** i see very few issues

**Jane:** how did the partner react

**Martin:** Humoured me i guess?

**Martin:** It’s Michael, i doubt xe’d be a dick about it but also

**Martin:** I doubt he’d NOT tell gerry

**Martin:** Thank you for letting me vent btw jane :))

**Martin:** You’re a good friend

**Jane:** aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

**Jane:** martin i would die for you

**Martin:** Oh...thanks?

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Martin:** Hi Michael! I just wanted to apologise for last night - it was really inappropriate of me to be thinking about your partner like that, and even more so to be talking about them on a chat that you’re in. I hope you can forgive me?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** no heart emoji

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** only bc you didn’t kiss them when i asked you to and were a cOWARD and unsent the messages though 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** dis-fucking-owned

**Martin:** :(((

**Martin:** I’m really not sure if you’re joking or not :/

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** bby no! 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you are not forgiven but only bc you did nothing wrong Ɛ>

**Martin:** It was rude and inconsiderate of me to talk about your partner like that in front of you

**Martin:** Or at all. 

**Martin:** I’m aware that they aren't available or interested and I really wasn’t drunk enough to even begin to excuse it

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you did nothing wrong!!

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also bold of you to assume they aren’t available OR interested

**Martin:** Michael what???

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** poly rights you dumb fuck Ɛ>

**Martin:** I’m really not sure whether to be offended or not?

**Martin:** But like you’re not mad?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** n o p e 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** other than that you didn’t kiss them smh

**Martin:** They were drunk and I don’t want even MORE people to regret last night

**Martin:** People make dumb decisions when drunk and considering two people were already stupid enough to kiss me i’m not gonna make gerry have to deal with that too

**Martin:** People don’t generally want to kiss me when they’re sober 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i was gonna say stop being a dumbass gay challenge but actually stop being sAD challenge

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** would you like a hug? G is still sleeping but i can come hug you?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** bc you are wRONG VERY WRONG

**Martin:** No it’s okay, stay with Gerry. It’s not worth leaving them just bc I get hangxiety

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** HEy! stop that you sad little tea man

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also hangxiety?

**Martin:** Hangover-anxiety

**Martin:** The part of a hangover that drinking excessive amounts of water DOESN’T cure

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** solution? more alcohol. drown the anxiety

**Martin:** Michael nO

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** michael yes :)))))

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also for future reference you always have my permission to simp for G

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** they are ridiculously simp-for-able

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** beautiful enby s/o would die for them :))))))

**Martin:** Thank you, Michael

**Martin:** Both for the permission and the reassurance

**Martin:** Also your simp is showing ;)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** :ooooo are you tEASING me?? >:)

**Martin:** Just pointing out the obvious :)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how dARE

**Martin:** Soft eldritch horror lmao

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** mother fUCKER

  
  


**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** saying this here bc i don’t wanna wake you up

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** (you look really beautiful asleep)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but um about martin?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it’s becoming a mood

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** he was joking with me i would die for him :’)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i now want us to date him for me as well :)))

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** fuck imma message helen theres little point venting to you when i can vent verbally when you wake up and get kisses out of it

**Gerry:** that's gay :)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you can’t say that and go back to sleep gerry thats not how this works

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** and without even kissing me? im heartbroken

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** :((((((((

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss_ **

**Martin:** So um you know eldritch monster madness spiral guy?

**Jane:** michael?

**Martin:** Yeah I’m love with her too

**Martin:** Ok that’s over exaggeration but I am lOOKING

**Martin:** Ze also gave me permission to simp over gerry and they are both poly and i would like to date them both please and thank you

**Jane:** omg! make a move!!

**Martin:** Do you even know me?

**Jane:** fair point you're an emotional gay who couldn't sort out his own feelings if they showed up as lonely sea captain to bully you...emotionally I mean 

**Martin:** Rude

**Martin:** Also what???

**Martin:** That’s weirdly specific?

**Martin:** But valid ig?

**Jane:** :)))

**Jane:** fuck plukas

**Martin:** Jane what does this mean??

**Martin:** JANE WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

**Jane:** whatever you do remember i care you

**Jane:** don’t be Lonely. You have people

**Martin:** I mean... thank you?

**Jane:** :))))

  
  


**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ messaged @ _ **_H̶̤͕̍ė̸̮̺͔̊͗͆̚͜l̶͓̭̄̄e̸͇͙̫̓̏͋͝ñ̷̗̫̇͘R̵͍͕̜̫̒̔̉͒͘į̶̤̅͌̋͊͗c̷̛̍̊ͅh̸̡̡̺̯͔͋a̵̡̗̅̾r̷̞̝̠̟̓d̷̹̯̐̂̿̽̐s̶͍̠̜̫̮̎̕ö̷̝̱̰́n̷͎͗͐Ţ̶̰̹̑̄ȃ̵̢͜k̴̤̪̈́̑̒̈́͜ệ̶̥̬̟̓̿̚̕T̵̮̓̏͛͝w̶̥̺̝̦͒͛͑õ̵̢̡̦̲:_ **

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** hi helennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** hi michaellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** what the fuck is up kyle

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i have caught a malady

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it is frequently known as 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** the simping disease

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** the horror!!

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** a true travesty

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** how long do you have left :’(

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** that depends 

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** on?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** whether sad tea man would date us

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** G likes him too :’)))

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** ok well dont die bitch

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** i cba to run the corridors and feed mr twistiness by myself

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i will do my best

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** noice

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** u done pining?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** no

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** good god

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** well if you are gonna pine more i get to too

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh who are you pining for???????????????

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** annabelle :,)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** gayyyyyy

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** stfu

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** look she just makes me feel stable? and secure? like the whole point of us is that we dont make sense and if we’re meant to stop people trusting their senses how do we know we can trust ours?

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** but with her i just feel right

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you fucking simp, helen

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but also mood

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** thats like how i feel w gerry

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** oh :)

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** i put it down to her web manipulation shit

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** no, helen, you’re just gay

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** maybe how you are with gerry makes a little more sense then 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** martin kinda makes me feel stable too when he hugs me

**H̐͂̉̌͏̝̖͉̩͙̥̠͔͢ẻ̾̿̐҉̡͈͎͎̣̰͇͕͙͡l͈̺͔̝̬̟̊̽̓̅̃̚e̜̻̘̓͑̓ͮ͑͝n̶̨̞͉̖̜̺̼͚̟̔̿̀͒:** that’s kinda gay

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** your point?

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ **

**Tim:** hey do you remember if i did anything embarrassing last night??

**Tim:** sash???

**Tim:** sash it feels like i did but i don’t remember

**Tim:** sash it’s gone midday pls

**Tim:** ffs

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** hey did i do anything embarrassing last night? I dont remember the shit drunk me says or does

**Gerry:** hi this is michael!! G is still sleeping (which is very cute) but i will tell them to message back when they wake up xx 

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** hi real sorry to bother you but do you remember what i did last night?

**Tim:** my memories are gone but am worried i did something embarrassing?

**Tim:** ffs

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Tim:** hey do you remember anything i said/did last night?

**Tim:** am concerned i did something embarrassing

**Tim:** if so blame it on the alcohol and ONLY the alcohol

**Martin:** Oh

**Martin:** Um

**Martin:** Uh

**Tim:** oh shit what did i do lmaooo?

**Tim:** i remember i tried to sing idk what but pls say i didn’t embarrass myself too much with that?

**Martin:** No!!! You have a lovely voice!!!

**Tim:** okay then what did i do??????

**Martin:** Um 

**Martin:** Nothing

**Martin:** Nothing embarrassing

**Tim:** then why the hesitation?

**Martin:** Idk Tim maybe I did embarrassing stuff MYSELF

**Martin:** You did nothing wrong or that I could ever hold against you 

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss:_ **

**Martin:** So um the kiss was definitely a regret for Tim :(

**Jane:** oh no :(((( so you told him???

**Martin:** No???? But he said anything embarrassing he did was bc of the alcohol

**Jane:** he KISSED you martin just tell him p l e a s e 

**Martin:** NO it was clearly nothing that meant anything he’ll be happier not knowing

**Jane:** would you not want to know?

**Martin:** If it was him, yeah, bc i’m in love w him

**Martin:** If it was me then i wouldn’t want to have to remember

**Martin:** Better he doesn’t know theres anything to regret

**Jane:** martin get some therapy challenge?

**Martin:** In THIS economy?

**Jane:** there are free options???

**Martin:** In THIS economy??

**Jane:** martin? are you okay??

**Martin:** In THIS economy???????????????

**_@SashaJames_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker:_ **

**Sasha:** Midday means nothing after drinking that much

**Sasha:** Also good morning, Tim, how’s your hangover?

**Tim:** horrible but not as bad as the f e a r

**Tim:** what did I DO last night

**Sasha:** My hangover isn’t too bad, thank you for asking :)

**Tim:** s a s h a 

**Sasha:** T i m

**Tim:** sash pls

**Sasha:** ok so we had many drinks, you sung a fair bit - cult of dionysus with me as usual, though we got Gerry to join, and then you did Womanizer which was kinda hot and Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy which was seemingly sung TO Martin (very gay)

**Tim:** oh god did I make it THAT obvious???

**Tim:** i can deal w that though

**Sasha:** Also we made out, which was fun though not surprising

**Tim:** fuck

**Tim:** do you think martin saw?

**Tim:** much as i love you sash ik he’d over think that if there actually WAS anything on his side

**Sasha:** Let me finish, Tim

**Sasha:** You also flirted a fair bit with Martin, melted at his singing, sat on his lap and kissed him

**Tim:** I WHAT

**Tim:** SASHA I WHAT

**Tim:** AND YOU DIDNT THINK TO START WITH THAT

**Tim:** SASHA WHAT??????

**Tim:** F U C K

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hopefully there will be LESS of a delay before chapter 25


	25. Kin Assigned Baby Sun At Birth (the alcohol saga act 4)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> um enjoy i guess?

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** am v hungover but um

**Tim:** permission to vent?

**Void:** g o a h e a d : ) )

**Tim:** you’re literally becoming my therapy friend are you sure thats ok? I don’t wanna use you or anything?

**Void:** T i m o t h y I a m l e g i t i m a t e l y a v o i d

**Void:** Y o u c a n v e n t t o m e t h a t s k i n d o f t h e w h o l e p o i n t

**Tim:** thanks ig? sometimes i forget youre not j a person w a weird name

**Tim:** anyway i kissed martin last night but he didnt tell me that and i had to find out from sasha

**Tim:** which means he didnt want me to know

**Tim:** which means he doesnt like me back but doesnt wanna let me down

**Tim:** bc otherwise he wouldve told me

**Tim:** shit the one time i’ll ever get to kiss martin and i dont even remember it

**Void:** h a v e y o u c o n s i d e r e d t h a t y o u ‘ r e b o t h i d i o t s ?

**Tim:** what???

**Void:** g o o d g o d w h y d o i a l w a y s g e t t h e i d i o t g a y s 

**Void:** s a y m a r t i n d r u n k k i s s e d y o u

**Tim:** he wouldnt :(

**Void:** f o r f u c k s s a k e 

**Void:** i m a g i n e h e d i d

**Tim:** okay?

**Void:** w h a t w o u l d y o u a s s u m e

**Tim:** that he liked me?? What kinda question??

**Void:** w o u l d y o u t h o u g h

**Void:** w o u l d y o u r e a l l y?

**Tim:** i mean

**Tim:** it’s the natural assumption? Right???

**Tim:** though i guess he does overthink things

**Tim:** and i did kiss sasha

**Tim:** and tell him anything i did was the alcohol’s fault

**Tim:** oh shit he thinks i know doesnt he

**Tim:** that im pretending to not to

**Tim:** what? save embarrassment?

**Tim:** shit idek if he kissed back

**Tim:** i kinda doubt it though

**Void:** y o u g o t s o c l o s e t o n o t b e i n g a n i d i o t

**Void:** s o f u c k i n g c l o s e

**Tim:** i’m just being reasonable

**Void:** y o u a r e b e i n g a n i d i o t

**Tim:** you don’t know martin!!! I do!!!

**Tim:** if he’s not telling me then theres a reason for that

**Tim:** a reason like, potentially, unspoken agreement to not talk about it so he doesn’t have to let me down

**Void:** o r v i c e v e r s a ?

**Tim:** it’s pretty obvious im in love with him

**Tim:** i mean it was ME who kissed HIM 

**Tim:** and sung him a fucking love song apparently

**Tim:** if he isn’t picking up on that its because he’s choosing not to

**Void:** d u m b f u c k i n g i d i o t

**Void:** e v e n m y o t h e r g a y s a r e n ‘ t t h i s s t u p i d

**Void:** t h e y w e n t o n a d a t e i t w a s v e r y c u t e

**Tim:** um congratulations to them ig?

**Void:** <3

**WORK BITCHES**

**Our awesome aro mum:** Hi, everyone!!

**Our awesome aro mum:** I just woke up, and in the notebook beside my bed I apparently wrote down some cursed thoughts last night?

**Our awesome aro mum:** So

**Our awesome aro mum:** The Telletubies are fursuits

**Our awesome aro mum:** Discuss

**_@MahhhTIN (thank fuck he’s back)_ ** _ changed his name to _ **_I hate it here_ **

**I hate it here:** I hate this

**I hate it here:** So fucking much

**I hate it here:** How could you, Sasha?

**The Gothfather:** Michael just woke me up laughing? And I just

**The Gothfather:** I hate this

**The Gothfather:** So much

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** Sasha i love you but what the fuck

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** sasha your mIND

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** i have been enlightened 

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** you are right and you should say it

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i have such mixed opinions on this?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i mean you’re not WRONG

**I hate it here:** I do not want to even tHINK about this

**The Gothfather:** nonono actually

**The Gothfather:** much as i hate it

**The Gothfather:** Mikey just opened my eyes

**The Gothfather:** Are you all ready

**The Gothfather:** To be kin assigned

**The Gothfather:** Telletubbies

**The Gothfather:** Jon - ur dipsy bc the v i b e s are right 

**The Gothfather:** you both just kinda have the vibes of a grumpy mf

**The Gothfather:** also both look good in green? And dipsy is played by John Simmit and that’s reason enough anyway

**The Gothfather:** u could also be Po bc ur short

**The Gothfather:** Martin YOURE Po you have the vibes of a very soft bean but are still a chaos bastard and maybe even the MOST chaotic you just hide it well behind the somft

**I hate it here:** cancelled 

**I hate it here:** i hate you for being right

**The Gothfather:** Sasha as Tinky Winky bc ur like the parent one? And marto might be taller but you have the tallest energy. Idk positive good person-or-teletubby vibes and also i’m starting a conspiracy that you’re gay

**Our awesome aro mum:** I mean i’m certainly not heterosexual

**Our awesome aro mum:** But that’s not a secret?

**The Gothfather:** Not the point, moving on

**The Gothfather:** Tim ur lala bc u have real sweet vibes as well and are sweet in general? Ur also just like positive vibes and real cheerful. Also, to quote the teletubbies wiki, "Laa-Laa likey looking at her reflection in mirror." u narcissist

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i hate you

**The Gothfather:** As started the conversation, Mikey kin assigned herself noo-noo, the weird hoover thing. They are right and I accept no feedback

**Our awesome aro mum:** Gerry ur the baby sun

**The Gothfather:** nO

**_Our awesome aro mum_ ** _ renamed  _ **_The Gothfather_ ** _ to  _ **_Kin Assigned Baby Sun_ **

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** no i hate this

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i refuse

**Our awesome aro mum:** too late

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** what the actualn fuck did i just wake up to????

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** i hate this so much what the fuck

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** i’m going back to sleep

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** acc wait nevermind

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** im having m e m o r i e s

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** i will and go and die instead

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathonSims_ **

**Tim:** what memories

**Tim:** bet my regrets are worse

**Jon:** I drunkenly kissed Martin

**Tim:** wait shit same hat ig?

**Jon:** At least he didn’t push you away

**Tim:** he what????

**Tim:** also idk that i cannot rEMEMBER it

**Jon:** No he kissed you back

**Jon:** He didn’t for me

**Jon:** Just kinda sat there then pushed me away

**Tim:** Okay but wtf???????

**Jon:** i also kissed his collarbone and kept nuzzling into him? And flirting and I know that made him uncomfortable but drunk me didn’t realise

**Tim:** Lmao i doubt it

**Jon:** No, I Know it did

**Jon:** this isn’t me spiralling

**Jon:** idk how i know but i do

**Jon:** anyway go date martin im gonna die in this spot

**Tim:** he doesn’t like me back

**Tim:** like he probably was only pushing you away so he could make your proper first kiss cuter

**Tim:** meaningful or some shit

**Jon:** Yes he does you stupid homosexual

**Tim:** Jon, no. I know what hes like when he likes people, he doesnt like me

**Tim:** he’s TALKED to me ab ppl he liked he wouldnt start doing that if he wanted anything with me

**Jon:** Timothy stoker you have exactly one functioning braincell put it to use pLEASE

**Jon:** He messaged people because you were singing and he wanted you to actually mean it

**Jon:** Stop being an idiot and tell him you do

**Tim:** wait he messaged you??? ab me???

**Jon:** No?

**Jon:** Wait, shit

**Jon:** Tim how did I know that?????

**Jon:** Tim how did I KNOW that

**Tim:** you probs saw his phone? Idk yall were cuddling

**Jon:** that makes sense

**Jon:** apologies for panicking briefly i might still not be sober

**Tim:** thats okay

**Tim:** however back to the topic are u sURE he wasn’t messaging about you???

**Jon:** i think i’d remember that

**Jon:** and again, he pushed me away

**Jon:** but you on the other hand?? Yeah you should go talk to him

**Tim:** no heart emoji

**Tim:** thats scary and i dont wanna make him uncomfortable

**Jon:** timothy stoker can you please for once use your brain

**_@JonathonSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** So turns out i tried to kiss martin last night

**Jon:** He pushed me away

**Jon:** I clearly have no chance 

**Jon:** Only regrets and a newfound resolve to avoid him until he forgets about this

**Jon:** On the brightside though am gonna try set up him and the person he actually likes

**Jon:** Which may also be an issue

**Jon:** Because the idea of them together doesn’t make me sad?

**Jon:** Which idk what that means but probably nothing good

**Jon:** So yeah thats how my days been going :)

**Georgie:** fucking gay

**Georgie:** fucking stupid dumbass gay

**Georgie:** please get some braincells Jon

**Georgie:** a) you like them both

**Georgie:** b) maybe he was j aware that you were wasted? bc consent

**Georgie:** idek what c was gonna be but c jon get some braincells challenge

**Jon:** I have braincells

**Georgie:** hahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhahaahhahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahhahhahahhahahhahahahahhahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahha

**Georgie:** funny joke jon

**Georgie:** but like seriously

**Georgie:** please

**Jon:** :(((

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> credits for the teletubbies shit goes to wilw. we love him but like....cursed


	26. We Don't Have Time To Unpack All Of That

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** I know birds are part of my domain

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** but I Do Not Trust Them

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** babe we’ve talked about this

**No thots only worm:** gayyyyyyyyyyyy

**No thots only worm:** but also why do you not trust them?

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** constantly watching, feeding back information

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** to their rich patrons

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** you have a rich patron, Mike

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** yes, but the BIRDS

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** spying on us ALL

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** the birds are not spies for the bourgeoisie, babe

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** but they ARE

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** They are. 

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** wait WHAT???

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Elias uses their eyes.

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** They see a lot

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** oh no what the fuck

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** that is WORSE than the bourgeoisie

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Yes.

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** oliver babe come pick me up i’m scared

**The clown fucks lads:** That Is Pretty Gay!

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** gayyyyyyyyy

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** gay :))))

**No thots only worm:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Fire simp:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** gayyyyyyy

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** but fr though thats really creepy of el*as

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** i mean you have your spiders?

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** yh but i’m cute

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** true 

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** nobody???

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** nah, they’re right

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** she do be cute 

**The clown fucks lads:** That Is Right! Though Not As Cute As My Jane :)))

**No thots only worm:** gay <3

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** gayyyyyy

**No thots only worm:** too late i already said it

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** babe they’re bullying me :((

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Gay

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** gayyyyyyyyy

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** gay :))))

**No thots only worm:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Fire simp:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**The clown fucks lads:** That Is Kind Of Gay!

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** gayyyyyyy

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** gay :))))

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** gayyy <3

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** ffs

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** betrayal, Ollie

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** you love me

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** true

_ Several people are typing… _

**WORK BITCHES**

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** did you know!!!!

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** the teletubbies have children!!

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** so does noo-noo the hoover 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** michael

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i love you with my entire heart

 **Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i would die for you in a heartbeat

 **Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** but if you bring this conversation back i WILL break up with you

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** home of phobia dear Jar but also you’re correct

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** michael you are cancelled

**I hate it here:** let’s not bring this conversation back p l e a s e 

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** don’t be a coward martin embrace the teletubby

**I hate it here:** no </3 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** martin, would you mind bringing the research on #0100710? We found the second part

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** and I would like to have a word with you, if that’s okay?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** ooooooooooooooooooooooh marto what did you do to get in trouble with mr bossman wow

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** anyway back to the teletubbies

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** tim you tRAITOR

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

__ **_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Tim:** how was your meeting with bossman?

**Martin:** Oh

**Martin:** Um

**Tim:** something happened?!!?!?!?!?! ;))))

**Martin:** No!!

**Martin:** Well, not like that

**Martin:** Tim it was horrible

**Martin:** He asked me a question

**Martin:** Which I kinda brushed off. Half answered

**Martin:** But then he asked again and i just couldn’t stop talking

**Martin:** It was like I wanted to, and I was sharing things I wouldn’t 

**Martin:** Things I didn’t want to

**Martin:** But I couldn’t stop

**Martin:** Which is kind of mortifying anyway, let alone what I actually said

**Martin:** So yeah i’m going to go die in a hole

**Tim:** you confessed you like him, then?

**Martin:** No, wasn’t quite that bad

**Martin:** Or it was worse i’m not sure

**Tim:** what was it then????

**Tim:** w h a t a r e y o u h i d i n g 

**Tim:** Eyes emoji

**Martin:** Oh 

**Martin:** You know what?

**Martin:** It doesnt matter

**Martin:** Moving on

**Tim:** But martinnnnnnnnnn

**Martin:** no <3

**Tim:** m a r t i n

**Tim:** fine then, keep your precious secrets

**Martin:** i will <3

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Jon:** hi

**Jon:** is this the evidence you needed?

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ sent a video [Video ID: A wobbly, handheld video of a tape recorder. Loud static plays over the recording, before being broken by the sound of a door. The following conversation plays out: _

_ J: Hello, Martin _

_ M: Hi Jon. Everything alright? _

_ J: I - good _

_ M: You wanted to talk to me about something? _

_ J: Oh, yes - um - how do you feel about Tim? _

_ M: He’s one of my best friends. I care about him. _

_ J: But how do you feel about him?  _ **_Do you like Tim?_ **

_ There is a resonance to the last words. A gravitas. Power. When Martin responds it sounds strangely hollow, yet comes freely, conversationally. _

_ M:  _ **_I like him more than I can even conceive, than I can remember liking anyone before. He makes my day brighter just by being there. I miss him when I don’t see him, I want nothing more than to hold him. I love him. I am_ ** **in** **_love with him._ ** _ Fuck _

_ The last word comes naturally, ripped out of him, almost raspy. _

_ M: I didn’t mean to say that _

_ There is the sound of a door closing, loudly. A few moments of quiet and the video ends] _

**Jon:** you believe me now?

**Tim:** shit

**Tim:** THATS WHAT HE DIDN’T WANT TO SAY?????????????????????

**Jon:** if you’re using that to try and deny that he likes you

**Jon:** then you are even stupider than I thought

**Tim:** nonono

**Tim:** the actual content of the video is

**Tim:** shit im in love with this man

**Tim:** but we don’t have time to unpack all of that right now

**Tim:** i’m just kinda concerned bc

**Tim:** nvm it doesn’t matter

**Jon:** wait, tim

**Jon:** when you said didn’t want to…?

**Jon:** fuck

**Jon:** i relistened and that’s

**Jon:** that’s not our martin, speaking

**Jon:** he would’ve been more nervous or

**Jon:** shit

**Tim:** Jon?

**Tim:** Jon, you okay?

**Tim:** Jon? It’s been half an hour

**Tim:** Jon?

**Tim:** Well shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to the people who we told would get gay this chapter. You're going to have to wait :))


	27. Spooky Google

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorginaBarker_ **

**Jon:** Hey, um

**Jon:** I think there’s something wrong with me?

**Georgie:** is this hypochondria, actual illness, self deprecation, or internalised something-phobia?

**Jon:** None of the above?

**Georgie:** well that’s new

**Georgie:** what’s going on?

**Jon:** I um

**Jon:** I’m not really sure how to-

**Jon:** How much do you know about the institute?   
**Georgie:** oh

**Georgie:** i dunno

**Georgie:** kinda spooky, i know melanie gave a statement there?

**Jon:** Okay. Um. I think I’m turning ‘kinda spooky’

**Georgie:** oh mood lmao

**Jon:** What???

**Georgie:** i can’t feel fear it’s a whole ass vibe

**Jon:** WHAT???

**Georgie:** i’d have given you a statement but that’s effort and it happened a while ago

**Georgie:** and also i’m vibing

**Jon:** Georgie i’m so confused

**Jon:** And I also think this is slightly worse than merely not getting scared

**Jon:** I think I can make people tell me stuff

**Jon:** Without even trying

**Georgie:** oh worm?

**Georgie:** does it work over text?

**Jon:** I...don’t know?

**Georgie:** try it then coward

**Jon:** I’d really rather not

**Jon:** What if I ask something uncomfortable? Or that you don’t wanna answer

**Georgie:** coward shit

**Georgie:** also then??? don’t ask anything extreme???? do you not have braincells?????

**Jon:** Would you like to know what it’s like inside my brain, Georgie?

**Georgie:** um yeah? 

**Jon:** Nothing but wii music, kahoot music, and 🌟trauma🌟 

**Georgie:** that acc explains a lot

**Jon:** How dare

**Georgie:** jon it’s accurate shut up

**Georgie:** anyway 

**Georgie:** ask me a question and i’ll try to lie ig?

**Jon:** What if I make you uncomfortable?

**Georgie:** then ask me my favourite food or something???

**Georgie:** or ab the admiral?

**Jon:** What’s your favourite food?

**Georgie:** Chinese :))

**Jon:** Well that’s a fucking lie. What’s your favourite food?

**Georgie:** Pizza

**Jon:** Bullshit.  **_What’s your favourite food?_ **

**Georgie:** _ Hungarian _

**Georgie:** omg it changed the font??

**Georgie:** that’s so cool

**Georgie:** jon you’re like an app

**Jon:** Georgie what???

**Georgie:** jon are you sPOOKY GOOGLE???

**Jon:** Georgie what the fuck?

**Georgie:** don’t think i haven’t noticed you kNOWING stuff

**Georgie:** oooh tell me what the admiral is doing rn

**Jon:** Cuddling on your lap?

**Georgie:** yep!!

**Jon:** Okay but that was guesswork

**Georgie:** what did i eat last night?

**Jon:** Chicken pasta, and also an entire pack of biscuits

**Georgie:** wow called out

**Georgie:** but yep!!!

**Georgie:** you’re spooky google and i love that for you

**Jon:** GEORGIE THIS ISNT A GOOD THING

**Georgie:** IT’S REALLY FUCKING COOL THOUGH

**Georgie:** PLOT TWIST YOU DO HAVE BRAINCELLS

**Georgie:** THEY’RE JUST

**Georgie:** SPOOKY

**Jon:** Georgie no

**Georgie:** Georgie YES!

**Georgie:** You wanna come over tonight? I have many leftovers and also wine

**Jon:** The leftover part is a lie

**Georgie:** oh ffs nevermind this sucks i hate this

**Jon:** :(((

**Jon:** You want me to bring takeout?

**Georgie:** pLEASE

  
  


**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** sup void

**Void:** s u p

**Tim:** you mentioned your ‘other gays’ went on a date?

**Tim:** do you know how they asked?

**Void:** a r e y o u f i n a l l y n o t b e i n g a n i d i o t ?

**Void:** o n e l i t e r a l l y f e l l f r o m t h e s k y

**Void:** w e a r i n g a r a i n b o w s h i r t

**Void:** i q u o t e ‘ f o r t h e v i b e ‘

**Void:** a n d d e c l a r e d ‘ i t h i n k i j u s t f e l l f o r y o u’

**Tim:** love that for them

**Tim:** but i doubt i could do that without

**Tim:** you know

**Tim:** dying

**Void:** s o u n d s l i k e c o w a r d s t a l k

**Void:** a n d y o u m i g h t b e s u r p r i s e d

**Tim:** i would still rather not???

**Void:** t h e n i h a v e n o a d v i c e

**Tim:** what did the other one say?

**Void:** t h a t ‘y o u m i g h t h a v e f a l l e n f r o m h e a v e n b u t i w o u l d d i e f o r y o u a n d t h a t ‘ s n o t v e r y e a s y f o r m e t o d o’

**Void:** a n d t h e n t h e f i r s t r e s p o n d e d ‘ t h a t ‘ s g a y’

**Void:** a n d t h e y w e n t o n a d a t e i d k

**Tim:** okay well

**Tim:** would it be weird to ask him out over text?

**Tim:** that sounds less scary

**Void:** y o u i d i o t

**Void:** h o w a r e y o u r b r a i n c e l l s d o i n g b e c a u s e i d o n ‘ t t h i n k y o u h a v e a n y

**Tim:** ouch

**Tim:** but you are n o t wrong

**Tim:** you got any better ideas?

**Void:** i g a v e y o u o n e

**Void:** b u t d o n ‘ t d o i t o v e r t e x t o r i w i l l d i s o w n y o u

**Tim:** you can’t disown me?

**Void:** c a n ‘ t i ?

**Tim:** you don’t o w n me 

**Void:** d o n ‘ t i ?

**Tim:** void what????   
**Void:** l m a o

**Tim:** ehh fuck it imma ask jar for advice

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** gerry

**Tim:** gerry

**Tim:** g e r r y

**Tim:** jAR

**Tim:** jar jar jar jar jar

**Tim:** mason jar pls answer

**Gerry:** tim what?

**Tim:** how did you ask out michael?

**Gerry:** i didn’t

**Tim:** how did she ask you out?

**Gerry:** again xe didn’t

**Gerry:** it was a lot of haha jk unless

**Gerry:** they messaged me after i put on the chat that like ‘lol he’s not my bf’ and asked if i wanted to be haha jk

**Gerry:** it was a longggg conversation and we realised o shit we both in love w each other

**Gerry:** i mean i knew i was in love w him but not the other way around

**Tim:** over text????

**Gerry:** yeah??? it was a vibe

**Gerry:** why?

**Tim:** i wanna ask martin out

**Gerry:** omg!!!!! do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

**Gerry:** do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

**Gerry:** do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

**Gerry:** do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it do it

**Tim:** that’s the plan?

**Tim:** ok i’ll message him now

**Gerry:** don’t do it over text that’s coward behaviour

**Tim:** you did???

**Gerry:** it just happened that way!!

**Gerry:** go find him and ask him

**Gerry:** do it

**Tim:** how???

**Gerry:** ehh idk you’ll think of something

**Tim:** WILL I??????????????

**Gerry:** maybe

**Gerry:** do it now!!! before you lose courage!!!

**Tim:** bold of you to assume i h a v e courage jar

**Gerry:** coward go ask him out

**Tim:** g e r r y

**Tim:** fine

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Tim:** hey can i talk to you quickly?

**Tim:** martin?

**Martin:** If I did something wrong I’m really sorry

**Tim:** martin w h a t ???

**Martin:** You wanted to talk? That’s typically not a good sign

**Tim:** martin no!!! It’s nothing bad i promise

**Tim:** come to the breakroom?

**Martin:** Okay?

**Martin:** Will be there in five

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Martin:** Tim just asked me to talk

**Martin:** Do you know anything?

**Martin:** I’m really worried I fucked up or something

**Martin:** Annoyed him

**Gerry:** it is really nothing like that

**Martin:** ????

**Gerry:** :)))))))))))))))))))))))

**Gerry:** is he doing it over text bc cowardice?

**Martin:** doing WHAT??

**Martin:** and also no, the breakroom

**Gerry:** ah ok nice

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Gerry:** hey baby

**Gerry:** you wanna do me a favour?

**Gerry:** it’ll be fun :)))

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** always bby!!

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** what is it?

**Gerry:** timbo gonna ask out marto

**Gerry:** you wanna possibly be in the breakroom ceiling in 2 mins?

**Gerry:** and idk feed back to me?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** anything for you gerbear Ɛ>

**Gerry:** i love you

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** love you too 

**Gerry:** mikey it’s been a bit what’s going on?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** this is real fucking cute one sec

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ sent a video _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @LyingInSpirals' beautiful server for Earl Grey and Add On Purchases (https://archiveofourown.org/works/24497917/chapters/59153491) and one singular comment, we decided fuck it let's make a discord!! It is very experimental and not very thought out but go check it out!! It should be a vibe. https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x. Please note that the server is currently 15+


	28. Oh My Way To Murder Martin's Mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> content warnings for this chapter of some offscreen but heavily discussed transphobia, homophobia, and general martin-phobia (aka what you would expect from Mrs Blackwood)

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ sent a video. [Video ID: a wobbly, overhead shot of the breakroom. The video itself is glitching and distorted, weird swirling lines occasionally floating across the screen. A man stands, leaning against the counter, fiddling nervously with the open top button of his shirt as he looks between the door and his phone and back. After a few minutes, a second man enters, looking equally, if not more nervous. _

_ M: H-hi, Tim? _

_ T: Hi Martin. I- fuck, I don’t know how to do this _

_ M: What did I do wrong?  _

_ T: Wrong??? Nothing, you- _

_ M: Look, just tell me what I did and get it over with. I know what ‘we need to talk’ means _

_ T: Shit, no, I didn’t mean to - how have I already fucked this up? _

_ M: Just tell me what I did, Tim!  _

_ His voice sounds frustrated and hurt and there’s a very quiet ‘oof’ from above the camera, soft enough to not attract attention. Tim sighs, below. _

_ T: You know what? Fuck it. This works. You know what you did, Martin? You made me fall in love with you _

_ M: I - what? _

_ He sounds almost awed, voice soft, and for a moment there is silence. Martin steps towards him. _

_ M: Tim- _

_ T: This really wasn’t how I planned to do this. Not that I had a plan. Um-shit, I’m normally good at this, but I guess it normally doesn’t matter.  _

_ M: Tim, I- _

_ T: I’m in love with you, I have been for a while, and this was meant to be asking you out instead of awkward confessions of feelings but fuck it, when have I ever done anything conventionally. No, fuck that, I’m sorry, you deserve this being done right, and i’m an coward and didn’t say until I thought there was even a possibility you felt the same and- _

_ Martin steps towards him, grabs his hand in a moment of seeming recklessness _

_ M: Tim, I love you too _

_ T: I-um-fuck-  _

_ M: Tim _

_ T: Can I kiss you?  _

_ M: please-  _

_ Tim steps towards Martin, and the video cuts off.] _

**Gerry:** omg the gays

**Gerry:** i know why you quit recording but also I slightly you hadn’t

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you wanted to see them kiss?

**Gerry:** i’ve established i like martin

**Gerry:** and tim is hot

**Gerry:** among other things

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i mean mood

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** though you COULD come kiss me instead?

**Gerry:** fucking sold

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames:_ **

**Tim:** s a s h a

**Tim:** martin is so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

**Tim:** so good

**Tim:** i am simping so hard

**Sasha:** Back on your pining bullshit?

**Tim:** beautiful man is beautiful

**Sasha:** Lmao, gay

**Tim:** s a s h a 

**Sasha:** Just ask him out already

**Tim:** that's why i messaged i DID

**Sasha:** Wait did you really???

**Sasha:** How did it go???

**Tim:** badly

**Tim:** but like i have a boyfriend now?

**Sasha:** TIM OMG!!! 

**Sasha:** I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!!!

**Sasha:** YOU DID A NOT-STUPID

**Sasha:** Wait, nevermind, you will always be stupid, but still

**Tim:** i’m too happy to be offended

**Tim:** and don’t forget i’m higher qualified than Jon

**Sasha:** He’s stupid too though

**Tim:** but anyway

**Tim:** sASHA HE’S SO 

**Sasha:** So?

**Tim:** idk i forgot what words were but sent anyway

**Tim:** i am so in love with this man

**Sasha:** No shit

**Sasha:** Wait, fuck, does this mean you’ll be talking about him MORE?

**Tim:** y e s

**Sasha:** Oh good god no

**Tim:** y o u c a n n o t s t o p m e

**Sasha:** ffs 

**Tim:** :)))))))))))))))

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JanePrentiss_ **

**Martin:** Hey :)))))))

**Jane:** hi martin, you ok?

**Martin:** Very :)))))

**Martin:** Tim asked me out

**Jane:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Jane:** i’m so happy for youuu

**Martin:** Thank you!!!

**Jane:** who else have you told?

**Martin:** Nobody, yet

**Jane:** :0000000000000000000000000000000000000

**Jane:** omg i’m the first??

**Jane:** martin i would die for you

**Jane:** but like what about your parents? Have you not told them?

**Martin:** Oh. Um. 

**Martin:** Not yet

**Jane:** oh :((((( are they homophobic?

**Martin:** Try martin-phobic 

**Jane:** i will fight them

**Jane:** infect them with worms?

**Jane:** i have several other friends who could make them suffer?

**Jane:** i can put it on my avatars chat and let people fight it out?

**Martin:** Nonono it’s my fault

**Martin:** I'm not enough for her ig?

**Jane:** what the f u c k

**Jane:** how dare she i will fight her

**Martin:** You’re right though I should tell her

**Martin:** Wish me luck?

**Jane:** don’t if she’ll react badly?

**Martin:** She needs to know eventually.

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@KarenBlackwood_ **

**Martin:** Hey, mum?

**Martin:** I just wanted to let you know that I’ve started dating someone?

**Martin:** His name is Tim and he’s really nice. 

**Karen:** How many times do I have to tell you that I hate talking over these little screens, Martin

**Karen:** If it’s that important you can call me

**Martin:** I’m at work, I thought this would be easier?

**Karen:** You thought wrong

**_@KarenBlackwood_ ** _ is calling… _

**_@KarenBlackwood_ ** _ is calling… _

**_@KarenBlackwood_ ** _ is calling… _

**_@JanePrentiss_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Jane:** hey?

**Jane:** it’s been like an hour so i presume you told your mother?

**Jane:** just wanted to check you’re okay?

**Martin:** I’ll be fine

**Jane:** be fine or are fine?

**Martin:** Nothing worse than I expected, don’t worry about it

**Jane:** :(((( do i need to go threaten her with worms?

**Martin:** Please don’t. 

**Martin:** It’s fine

**Jane:** it doesn’t sound fine :((

**Martin:** It is. I’m just kinda annoyed right now, i’ll get over it 

**Martin:** Just need to convince myself not to punch a wall lmao

**Jane:** punch a person!! it hurts less!

**Martin:** Jane nO

**Martin:** I mean I get your point

**Martin:** But Jane no :(

**Jane:** do it, coward

**Martin:** That’s assault, Jane

**Martin:** That’s illegal

**Jane:** martin break the law challenge?

**Martin:** Jane, that’s like a weekly occurrence in this job

**Martin:** Do you know how many times I've broken and entered places?

**Martin:** Still not sure whether Jon has figured out that ‘go investigate this house’ ends up being more illegal than just knocking

**Jane:** omg be gay do crime????

**Martin:** Be gay do crime :)

**Jane:** i can’t believe you’re already doing the crime!!!

**Martin:** It’s part of my job, Jane

**Jane:** that’s the most lawful aligned crime possible :((

**Martin:** I lied on my CV to get the job?

**Jane:** omg :oooooo

**Martin:** Shit I doubt you would but don’t tell my boss? Or Jon?

**Jane:** i wont

**Jane:** cant believe you’re a secret badass :ooo

**Jane:** have you done any other crime?

**Martin:** Not for a while

**Jane:** so that’s a yes???

**Martin:** We were poor, my mum was ill, she needed to eat

**Jane:** did she really, though???

**Jane:** also while on the subject of your mother

**Jane:** if you wanna talk about the call i’m here xx

**Martin:** It’s fine, she just doesn’t really get it

**Martin:** Kept making a lot of comments that make it very clear that she thinks I’m in a perfectly heterosexual relationship

**Martin:** Also my deadname changing app thing doesn’t work over the phone

**Jane:** please may i fight her???

**Jane:** please?????

**Jane:** i wont hurt her just make her scared

**Jane:** or i can get annabelle to tell her not to deadname you and then she CAN’T

**Martin:** You’re a really good friend, Jane

**_@NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Nikola:** Hi Martin! I Appreciate You A Lot But Can You Stop Making My Girlfriend Cry? I Never Know How To Help

**Martin:** Oh shit what did I do wrong???

**Nikola:** Absolutely Nothing! :D

**_@NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Nikola:** Hi Jonny!! Jane Just Told Me Your Boy Is Sad! Go And Hug Him

**Jon:** my boy?

**Nikola:** The One You Have A Crush On!!!

**Jon:** You really have to be more specific, Nik

**Nikola:** There Are Multiple??

**Jon:** That was meant to be a joke but um

**Jon:** Ngl probably?

**Nikola:** Well It Is Martin!!

**Nikola:** Go Give Him Love!

**Jon:** Okay?

**Jon:** Wait shit he does look sad

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Jon:** Hello, Martin, are you alright?

**Martin:** Why wouldn’t I be?

**Jon:** A friend mentioned something, and you look somewhat sad?

**Martin:** Shit

**Martin:** Well, I’m fine. Nothing wrong

**Jon:** **_Why does that feel like a lie?_ **

**Martin:** _ because it is one _

**Jon:** **_What’s wrong, Martin?_ **

**Jon:** shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to

**Jon:** I thought I could contr0l it

**Jon:** you don’t have to answer that?

**Martin:** _ I called my mum to tell her about me and Tim, and it’s just the same fucking thing as it always is. She still refuses to accept that I’m a man so this is clearly a heterosexual fucking relationship in her mind and yet she’s still not happy about it? I’m just so goddamn tired of her misgendering me and dismissing me and acting like I’m not worth her time. I’m sad and I kind of want to punch or destroy something because I’m also so angry, and I wish I could say I was just mad at myself for not being enough but I'm also mad at her for not at least pretending and I really shouldn’t be. She doesn’t owe me that. I shouldn’t have fucking told her, it’s not like she cares.  _

**Martin:** What the fuck??

**Jon:** Martin I am so sorry

**Jon:** I didn’t realise that was going to happen

**Jon:** I just wanted to help

**Jon:** I’m sorry

**Martin:** Thanks, Jon

**Martin:** Thank you so much

**Martin:** Not sure how that was meant to help

**Martin:** But yeah, fucking thank you, I guess

**Martin:** In future, if i say I’m fine then maybe take that at face value and fuck off?

**Jon:** Are you mad?

**Martin:** Don’t need to Ask that do you?

**Martin:** Yes. Yes I fucking am. 

**Jon:** If you want, um

**Jon:** You said you wanted to destroy something?

**Jon:** There are some of the probably-fake statements you can destroy if you want?

**Jon:** I’ll put a box outside my office

**Jon:** You can take them if that helps?

**Jon:** I’m really sorry, Martin

**Jon:** I really didn’t mean to

**Jon:** I’m sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies to anyone who thought this would be a happy chapter. Let Martin be angry!!! He may be soft but he's not JUST soft (is he even soft? or are the rest of these characters just fucking biased).  
> If anybody wants to come and yell at us, we do have a discord!! (Just to note, it is 15+ right now, just to be safe) https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x


	29. Void Give Tim A Hug Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we love the void!! and now? so do you!!   
> cw: eli*s (he's not doing anything bad, but he's existing and we don't like that)

**WORK BITCHES**

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** hey not that im judging but why is martin doing arson?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** martin’s doing arson?? that’s kinda hot though hang on

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** w h e r e is the arson happening?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** cease your simping, timathon

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** he’s my boyfriend i’ll simp if i want to

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i know but not the time

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** different arson vibes

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** again, why is martin doing arson in the archives?

**I hate it here:** therapy? Expensive

**I hate it here:** Arson? Free

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** mood

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** martin are you okay?

**I hate it here:** no <33

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i’m coming to find you

**I hate it here:** don’t worry about it, i’m fine

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Is there anything we can do?

**I hate it here:** you’ve done enough, Jon

**_I hate it here_ ** _ has left the chat _

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** shit

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** jon you better fucking explain

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i’m serious, jon

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I asked him what was wrong

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I just also fucked up and he had to answer

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** ffs

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** what w a s wrong?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I maybe shouldn’t say

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** jon if you don’t tell me what the fuck is upsetting my boyfriend, so help me god

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i don’t care if we’re friends, i will fucking hurt you

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** and while we’re at it, if you could Know where he is, that’d be really fucking helpful

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** He called his mother to tell him about you

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** It didn’t go well

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I managed to make him feel even worse 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** And he’s in the archives still - near shelf reference B7?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I hate that I Know that

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** have found and spoken to martin and i kind of wish to murder his mother but he’s okay

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** strangely enough, arson seems to be working?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** mood

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** mood

**Our awesome aro mum:** Mood

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** mood

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** are you guys okay?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** wait shit you’re right this is so therapeutic?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** archives arson challenge 

**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Elias:** Hello, Jonathan, I believe there is some form of fire in the Archives?

**Elias:** If you remember your briefing, that is a direct violation of the institute rules, and I expect you to deal with it accordingly

**Jon:** new phone who dis

**Elias:** Surely you Know, Jon. I would thank you not to play oblivious

**Jon:** get fucked, bitchard

**Jon:** you would be correct, there is fire, it’s called therapy

**Jon:** and these goddamn ‘Knowing’ powers you forced on me is part of the reason it’s needed

**Elias:** Don’t be obtuse, I forced nothing on you. Anything you may be doing is out of my control

**Jon:** don’t be obtuse, i already told you to get fucked

**Jon:** do you need me to repeat that?

**Elias:** If you insist on being difficult, I suppose I will have to deal with your assistants myself

**Jon:** nah fuck off i gave them permission

**Jon:** if it helps i ‘know’ it’ll be okay

**Elias:** There is no need to be impertinent, Archivist. But I will heed your wishes. Make sure I don’t regret it

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**No thots only worm:** hey  _ @Fite me Gwen Stacy  _ hey can i ask a favour?

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** sure, what’s up?

**No thots only worm:** can you tell a specific person to not deadname or misgender anyone? :)

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** hell yeah trans rights!

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** who?

**No thots only worm:** uh martin’s mum?

**Fite me Gwen Stacy:** yeet brb

**No thots only worm:** thank you

**“She doesn’t even go here”:** that fucking bitch i didnt know what she did but so help me god if i’m not ready to sic michael on her

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** you think she’d like the hallways?

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** no transphobes allowed in our hallways they make me feel icky

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** but for martin??  🥺🥺🥺

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** fine

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** can i yeet her???

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** please?????

**Fire simp:** fire???

**The clown fucks lads:** Babe! Pick Me! It Should Be A Lot Of Fun! We Can Throw A Murder Martin’s Mum Party!

**No thots only worm:** i love you all but please no

**No thots only worm:** that’d probably make martin sad :((

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** can i imagine-yeet her in her sleep? She won’t d i e??

**No thots only worm:** no, mike.

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** :(((

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** hey, permission to rant?

**Void:** g o r i g h t a h e a d

**Tim:** i wanna murder my boyfriend’s mum

**Void:** b o y f r i e n d ? !

**Void:** c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s ! ! !

**Tim:** thank you!!!

**Tim:** i’m really happy :’)))

**Tim:** but i’m also angry bc she made him s a d

**Void:** o h n o : (

**Tim:** honestly at this point i just wish i had an excuse to make her suffer

**Tim:** martin looked broken

**Tim:** i love him so much i dont want him to be sad

**Void:** y o u p r o b a b l y c o u l d h u r t h e r

**Tim:** i’m not going to punch an old lady, void

**Tim:** much as i want to

**Void:** t h a t s n o t w h a t i m e a n t

**Tim:** i am also not going to murder an old lady

**Tim:** it’d make martin even more sad 

**Tim:** i wish i could do something to make him happier

**Void:** y o u d o

**Void:** e x i s t

**Tim:** that’s gay, void

**Void:** y o u ‘ r e g a y t i m o t h y

**Tim:** touche

**Tim:** not the point tho

**Tim:** you’re usually the helpful one smh

**Void:** i ‘ m t r y i n g , t i m

**Void:** s t o p b e i n g a d u m b a s s , t i m

**Tim:** rude

**Void:** j u s t g i v e h i m a h u g o r s o m e t h i n g

**Void:** m a k e t h e m a n s o m e t e a

**Tim:** but he’s the one who makes tea

**Tim:** i don’t wanna steal his brand

**Void:** i t ‘ s h i s l o v e l a n g u a g e 

**Void:** i s t h e r e a n y t h i n g o t h e r t h a n b a d c o p i n g m e c h a n i s m s i n y o u r h e a d ? o r i s i t a s e m p t y a s i t s e e m s

**Tim:** yes, gay panic

**Tim:** also i have fine coping mechanisms!

**Void:** w h a t , l i k e m e s s a g i n g a v o i d t h a t m e s s a g e s b a c k ? d o y o u a c t u a l l y t h i n k t h a t ‘ s s m a r t ?

**Tim:** i mean i always kinda assumed it was a prank messenger? or one of the many apps i download and forget about? at least ur self aware ig?

**Tim:** also i have other coping strategies

**Void:** h u m o u r d o e s n ‘ t c o u n t t i m o t h y

**Void:** n o r d o e s a n g e r

**Tim:** fuck. i’m all out of coping mechanisms :((

**Tim:** speaking of i’m still fucking pissed off and martin is still sad so i’m gonna force him to leave work and arson behind and get some sleep

**Tim:** maybe he’ll agree to come back to mine again

**Void:** g a y

**Tim:** yeah i fucking know

**_@SusanAnderson_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@KarenBlackwood_ **

**Susan:** Good morning, Karen!

I haven’t spoken to you in a while. How are things?

Susan x

**Karen:** Hello Susan, 

I’ve been better. I had a very strange dream last night that left me a little shaken.

How are things with you?

Karen x

**Avastars!!!**

**V o i d :** h e l l o m y l o v e l y a v a s t a r s

**V o i d :** h o w a r e y o u a l l t h i s m o r n i n g ?

**V o i d :** h a v e y o u r e m e m b e r e d t o e a t b r e a k f a s t ?

**M i k e < 3 : ** it’s six thirty am idk why you expect us to be up?

**V o i d :** y o u a r e u p

**M i k e < 3 : ** yeah i haven’t slept yet

**V o i d :** m i k e w h a t t h e f u c k

**V o i d :** g o t o s l e e p o r s a y g o o d b y e t o y o u r f l o a t i n g r i g h t s

**M i k e < 3 : ** you’ve threatened that before and never followed through

**M i k e < 3 : ** i mean in my defence am with Oliver

**V o i d :** j u s t b e c a u s e y o u ‘ r e g a y d o e s n ‘ t m e a n y o u c a n ‘ t s l e e p

**M i k e < 3 : ** we were being cute?

**O l l i e < 3 : ** he was

**V o i d :** o k a y f i n e f r e e p a s s i f i t ‘ s m a k i n g y o u h a p p y

**O l l i e < 3 : ** he is <3

**V o i d :** i ‘ m p r o u d o f y o u b o t h

**V o i d :** s p e a k i n g o f , i ‘ m h e r e t o c o n g r a t u l a t e y o u

**V o i d :** s o m e b r i l l i a n t c o - o p e r a t i o n o n m r s b l a c k w o o d s d r e a m

**O l l i e < 3 : ** what???

**M i k e < 3 : ** i don’t think that was us?

**V o i d :** p e r h a p s s i m o n t h e n ?

**S i m o n < 3 : ** nope!

**V o i d :** o n e o f m y d a r k k i d d o s ?

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** None of us, so far as I know?

**V o i d :** c u r i o u s . . . 

**M i k e < 3 : ** why tf are you guys up omg

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** I’m an adult? With a job? Quiet, manlet.

**V o i d :** i t h i n k i m a y h a v e a n i d e a 

**V o i d :** s o o n e r t h a n i e x p e c t e d

**V o i d :** b u t a p l e a s a n t s u r p r i s e

**V o i d :** n o w , m i k e , o l l i e , s l e e p

**V o i d :** t h e r e s t o f y o u t a k e c a r e < 3

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** hey, jon…?

**Tim:** i think i might need to make a statement 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the void is a mum friend give the void love <3  
> if you would like to message your own personal void, join our discord at https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (please note it is 15+), we are currently working out how to b e c o m e t h e v o i d


	30. nooo tim dont become part of the void ur so sexy ahaha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you guys don't get whats going on by the end of this chapter we're gonna be so dissapointed

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@JonathanSims_ **

**Tim:** hey, jon…?

**Tim:** i think i might need to make a statement 

**Jon:** Of course, when?

**Tim:** right now? 

**Tim:** statement of tim stoker regarding like…. a weird ass dream i just had? 

**Tim:** ok nice

**Jon:** I think this would be better to do in person?

**Tim:** jon i love you but why the fuck would i come into work on a weekend??

**Tim:** it is a s a t u r d a y m o r n i n g

**Jon:** We could try over the phone?

**Tim:** nah dont wanna disturb marto

**Jon:** Write it down?

**Tim:** i dont wanna move martins comfy

**Tim:** i do it over text or you get no statements

**Jon:** okay, fine

**Jon:** **_Statement of Timothy Stoker, Regarding a strange dream. Statement begins._ **

**Tim:** _ I went to sleep angry. At his mother, for hurting him. At you, for making it worse. At myself, for not being able to do anything. For not being able to make it better. I suppose that’s what the dream was, though I don't think anything’s better, because of it. Maybe things are worse, I don’t know. Perhaps nothing actually happened, but I don’t think so. It doesn’t feel like nothing.  _

_ I dreamed I was in this emptiness. It seemed almost endless, just pitch black as far as I could see, but it wasn’t as though the end was out of sight. It was like it just didn’t exist.  _

_ It was silent, so very silent. Dark and quiet and devoid of life and so, so vast.  _

_ I wasn’t afraid. I was alone, but not lonely. It wasn’t the bad sort of alone. It was like a void of nothing at all, but I was comfortable there.  _

_ I don’t know how long I was there before anything happened. It was almost timeless, unshifting, unchanging, until suddenly it wasn’t. _

_ A woman was there, suspended in the black by tendrils of darkness, and it was only then that I realised I wasn’t suspended by anything. I could move, as though through water, though it felt like I was standing. Standing on what, I do not know, for there was nothing there. Not even air to breathe.  _

_ The woman looked afraid, so afraid, and I somehow knew who she was. Who she was, and why she was there, and I wanted nothing more than to yell, to scream at her, but as my anger overtook me she just dropped. Like a stone. The tendrils released her, and she fell. Her scream was swallowed by the void, and she was falling, and falling, but still right in front of me.  _

_ I clenched my fist, and the tendrils caught her. I don’t know how I knew that would happen, but I did. It wasn’t luck, or fluke, or anything like that. I  _ knew  _ how to do it.  _

_ She struggled against them, and I found I could speak. Where her scream was swallowed, my words were amplified, filling this void of space and she flinched. I wish I could say I felt guilty, or sorry, but all I felt was powerful.  _

_ I had never felt so powerful than in that space. That dark, empty void.  _

_ She cried, and I laughed. All I could feel was anger, and rage, and cruelty. I’m not sure that I can blame the dream for that one. I showed her how she would die, and I wish I could feel guilty for that, but I don’t. Sleep is only a step away from death, and I showed her both.  _

_ I felt her slip away as she woke up, the darkness withdrawing slightly until it was back, all encompassing. It should have felt smothering, choking, but instead I felt safe. Protected.  _

_ I was there for a while longer before I woke. Martin was still asleep, but when he woke, I told him about the dream. Asked to see a photo.  _

_ I was right, though I think I already knew that. It was her. His mother. I don’t know whether she had the same dream, but I hope she did. I don’t really know what that makes me.  _

**Jon:** **_Statement ends._ **

**Jon:** Thank you, Tim.

**Jon:** I will read through it now. 

**Tim:** thats okay

**Tim:** waittttt

**Tim:** shit i need to message someone

**Tim:** or something?

**Tim:** i didn’t make the connection

**Jon:** The connection?

**Tim:** yeah jon the connection

**Tim:** the void

**Tim:** i kept mentioning the void

**Jon:** The void?

**Tim:** did i not mention that to you? 

**Tim:** oops

**Tim:** i keep messaging the void

**Tim:** the void messages back

**Tim:** it’s fun the void gives good advice

**Tim:** issa vibe

**Jon:** Tim what?

**Jon:** In what world did you think that was smart?

**Tim:** like you can talk sims

**Tim:** you used your word magic thing too much and forgot ab boundaries

**Tim:** at least i a s k the void before i vent

**Tim:** consent is important kids

**Jon:** That was unintentional, and I do feel very bad about it

**Tim:** sucks to suck, motherfucker :))

**Jon:** Yes, I know

**Tim:** wait no ur not meant to agree asshole

**Tim:** i’m not gonna bully somebody who a g r e e s 

**Tim:** ur my friend and i care about you ur just also a twat with no social skills

**Jon:** Okay? I care about you too?

**Jon:** But Tim???

**Jon:** In future if something messages back that really shouldn’t

**Jon:** That’s maybe a good sign to leave it alone

**Tim:** jonathan i have three braincells and currently they are all focused on martin

**Tim:** my inner monologue is just

**Tim:** martin martin martin martin martin ohshitimighthavepowers? Martin martin martin martin martin oopsdidijusttorturemartin’smum? Martinmartinmartinmartinmartin

**Tim:** i do not have TIME for intelligent logical thoughts

**Tim:** im trying my best smh

**Tim:** also 

**Tim:** like ur any smarter

**Jon:** Touch é

**Jon:** But at least I don’t message back a sentient void

**Tim:** you would though. admit it

**Jon:** I mean

**Jon:** Yeah

**Jon:** But you really didn’t have to call me out like that, Timothy

**Tim:** yeah i did ;)

**Jon:** Yeah, you did :(

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** hey uh

**Tim:** what the fuck?

**Void:** t i m ! ! !

**Tim:** void what the fuck

**Void:** s o i t w a s y o u ! ! !

**Void:** i a m s o p r o u d t i m < 3

**Void:** i d i d n ‘ t k n o w y o u w e r e a w a r e l e t a l o n e r e a d y t o a c c e p t

**Tim:** aware of what void i am so confused

**Tim:** what the fuck happened and what the fuck did i do 

**Tim:** tell me or so help me god-

**Void:** y o u k n o w a b o u t t h e e n t i t i e s r i g h t ?

**Tim:** no???

**Void:** w h a t t h e f u c k ?

**Void:** b u t y o u w o r k a t t h e i n s t i t u t e , t i m ?

**Void:** y o u w o r k f o r t h e e y e ? ? ?

**Void:** t i m w h a t

**Tim:** i work for the what?

**Tim:** wait jar mentioned something ab the eye a while ago

**Tim:** apparently part of why we can’t quit?

**Tim:** idk it was after work and martin was wearing a leather jacket i wasn’t exactly paying much attention to anything

**Void:** g o d d a m n i t t i m o t h y

**Tim:** you wanna explain then??

**Void:** n o t r e a l l y . . .

**Tim:** because i’d really really like to know what the fuck is going on

**Tim:** and why i can control peoples dreams??

**Void:** o h t h a t w a s n ‘ t a d r e a m ?

**Void:** i m e a n i t w a s

**Void:** b u t a l s o w a s n ‘ t

**Void:** i t ‘ s w e i r d

**Void:** a n y w a y a s k t h i s ‘ j a r ‘ i f h e k n o w s

**Void:** i c a n n o t b e b o t h e r e d t o e x p l a i n a n y o n e b u t u s

**Void:** l e t s j u s t s a y i t o l d y o u i t w a s n t s m a r t t o m e s s a g e a v o i d

**Void:** b u t i m g l a d y o u d i d a n y w a y

**Void:** i c a r e y o u t i m < 3

**Tim:** okay?

**Tim:** also jar uses they/them like a coward

**Void:** i f *t h e y k n o w

**Tim:** hell yeah allyship

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay_ **

**Tim:** sup jar

**Tim:** so

**Tim:** entities

**Tim:** you wanna explain?

**Gerry:** I explained months ago just nobody was listening

**Gerry:** u were busy staring yearningly at martin who was staring yearningly at you AND jon and Jon was busy being oblivious and grumpy and ALSO yearning

**Gerry:** i think sasha listened tho so she do be my favourite

**Tim:** rude, jar

**Gerry:** rude of u not to listen timathon

**Tim:** but martin was wearing a leather jacket

**Gerry:** cease your simping, tictac

**Gerry:** i wear leather jackets on the daily

**Tim:** to be fair you do look very very hot in them

**Tim:** but m a r t i n

**Gerry:** i just said cease ur simping

**Tim:** ok fine pls explain?

**Gerry:** 14 fears

**Gerry:** maybe 15 we not sure

**Gerry:** like how mikey’s the spiral/distortion/it is not what it is

**Tim:** wait michael’s a fear???

**Gerry:** yeah an avatar

**Gerry:** of like lies/madness/twisted truth/all that jazz

**Tim:** i thought ae was just like that?

**Gerry:** what the fuck

**Gerry:** stimothy tonker get some braincells pLEASE

**Tim:** no <3

**Tim:** anyway so there are fears???

**Gerry:** yep

**Gerry:** the spiral, the eye which is the institute (being watched/known/shit like that), the dark, the vast, the corruption (like prentiss), the stranger, the flesh, the hunt, the slaughter, the end, the buried, the desolation, the lonely, the web

**Gerry:** the lonely and the eye are very not valid

**Gerry:** the spiral is hot

**Gerry:** oh theres also maybe the extinction but idk

**Tim:** cease ur simping jar

**Gerry:** tell me im fucking wrong

**Tim:** ok valid

**Tim:** um what would maybe have something to do with me giving people maybe not quite dreams?

**Gerry:** maybe spiral? will ask mikey one sec

**Gerry:** apparently not

**Gerry:** she said maybe eye or end?

**Gerry:** and to ask what kinda dream?

**Tim:** end makes sense? it was a void and i made someone see her death

**Gerry:** spooky

**Gerry:** very end though

**Gerry:** don’t hold me to that?

**Gerry:** not sure how you would’ve pledged yourself without knowing

**Gerry:** anyway was that enough info? me and mikey are busy

**Tim:** ooohhhh b u s y ??? ;) ;) ;)))))

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ sent a photo. [PHOTO ID: a strange, psychedelic hallway, where even the static photo seems to be moving and swirling. In the centre of the photo, a tall man stands, his body and joints at strange angles, midway through constructing an intricate blanket and pillow fort with long, sharp hands. His wild, blonde hair is pulled into a simple braid, and his head is turned towards the camera, at a near 180° angle, a fond smile on his too-wide mouth.] _

**Tim:** oh! b u s y !

**Tim:** y’all think marto would build a pillow fort with me? 

**Gerry:** abso fucking lutely 

**Gerry:** that man is so soft why would he NOT 

**Tim:** bc he sometimes ANGY

**Gerry:** then pillow forts are doubly good 

**Gerry:** ask him 

**Tim:** he said yes wow I chose the right man to fall in love with 

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** okay so ur an end avatar? 

**Tim:** and so am i i guess?

**Void:** n o t q u i t e : )

**Tim:** what???????????????????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come join us on discord!! https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (note it do be 15+)


	31. Gotta Catch 'Em All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is this clear enough yet??? we thought we’d made it real obvious but apparently not so here goes fuckers

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Tim:** okay so ur an end avatar? 

**Tim:** and so am i i guess?

**Void:** n o t q u i t e : )

**Tim:** what???????????????????????

**Void:** i m e a n y o u ‘ r e c l o s e ?

**Void:** b u t n o t q u i t e 

**Tim:** please just explain?

**Void:** i a m m y o w n d o m a i n

**Void:** t h e v o i d

**Void:** i t ‘ s o n e o f t h e l i t t l e o v e r l a p s b e t w e e n e n t i t i e s

**Void:** t h e d a r k , t h e v a s t , a n d t h e e n d

**Void:** t h e l o n e l y w a s h e r e a t t h e s t a r t , t o o

**Void:** n o t s u r e w h e r e i t w e n t

**Void:** i t h i n k i w a s a b a d i n f l u e n c e o n i t ‘ s a v a t a r s a n d v i c t i m s

**Void:** k e p t t e l l i n g t h e m t o g o m a k e f r i e n d s

**Void:** i m e a n i d o n ‘ t m i s s i t ?

**Void:** t h a t p e t e r g u y k e p t m o p i n g a b o u t h i s h u s b a n d

**Void:** a p p a r e n t l y ‘ j u s t s t o p d i v o r c i n g a n d a c c e p t t h a t i t ‘s a t h i n g ‘ i s b a d a d v i c e

**Void:** y o u ‘ d t h i n k h e w a n t e d t o b e s a d

**Tim:** okay okay okay

**Tim:** too much information

**Tim:** what does this mean for m e ???

**Void:** f u n n y e n o u g h , i ‘ m n o t s u r e 

**Void:** t y p i c a l l y i e n d u p a b l e t o c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h a v a t a r s o f a n y o f t h e t h r e e 

**Void:** i c a l l t h e m m y a v a s t a r s

**Void:** i t d o e s n ‘ t d o m u c h

**Void:** j u s t m e a n s i c a n l e n d a h a n d o c c a s i o n a l l y

**Void:** a n d r e m i n d t h e m t o d o s e l f c a r e

**Void:** n o r m a l l y i d o n ‘ t g e t t o m e s s a g e u n t i l t h e y a r e a l r e a d y a v a t a r s

**Void:** o r s t r o n g l y a l i g n e d

**Void:** b u t y o u m e s s a g e d m e f i r s t : )

**Tim:** ok so i been done fucked up

**Tim:** what does that mean

**Void:** i a m n o t s u r e

**Void:** i w o u l d p r e s u m e y o u r d o m a i n s i m p l y i s t h e v o i d

**Void:** l i k e h o w y o u d r e a m e d i t

**Void:** b u t i d o n o t k n o w w h i c h e n t i t y i a m f o r e m o s t

**Void:** p e r h a p s i t w i l l b e c o m e c l e a r

**Void:** p e r h a p s y o u g e t t o c h o o s e

**Void:** i a m u n s u r e

**Tim:** helpful

**Tim:** ok so i can pick between vast end and dark?

**Tim:** i am genderfluid and bisexual i dont know how decisions work

**Tim:** can i not just pick them all???

**Void:** i h a v e n o t h e a r d o f s u c h a t h i n g b e f o r e

**Void:** i a m n o t e v e n s u r e i f y o u c a n c h o o s e

**Void:** p e r h a p s y o u a r e m a r k e d a n d i c a n n o t s e e i t y e t

**Void:** t o h a v e u s e d y o u r p o w e r s t h o u g h . . .

**Tim:** oh yeah speaking of apparently i pledged myself??? I dont remember doing that??

**Void:** i t o l d y o u m e s s a g i n g m e w a s a b a d i d e a

**Void:** y o u d i d n o t s t o p

**Tim:** fair lmao 

**Tim:** guess i just fucked around and found out

**Tim:** so big shit, death shit or scaring toddlers and sasha

**Void:** s a s h a ?

**Tim:** there was a powercut one time and she squeaked and i refuse to let it drop bc am petty like that

**Void:** y o u ‘ d g e t a l o n g w i t h m i k e : )

**Void:** h a n g o n

**Avastars!!!**

**_V o i d_ ** _ added  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**_V o i d_ ** _ renamed  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ to  _ **_T i m < 3_ **

**V o i d:** a n o t h e r s t a r

**M a n u e l a < 3: ** Who’s is he?

**V o i d:** i d o n o t k n o w

**M i k e < 3: ** what???

**T i m < 3: ** i was an idiot and messaged the void then k e p t messaging the void and now ig im an avatar of something?

**T i m < 3: ** i learned about all this shit today and am very confused

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** omg babe he’s even stupider than you!!

**T i m < 3: ** rude ??

**M i k e < 3: ** rude 

**M i k e < 3: ** though ur not wrong

**M i k e < 3: ** anyway if ur not aligned yet, dibs

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** babe how dare you

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** i want him

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** I’m staying out of this. Apologies, Tim, if it means getting involved in whatever’s going on with them, we don’t claim you

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** rude

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** anyway mike, baby, you have simon, can i not have one other who understands this instead of just

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** not dying ???

**M i k e < 3: ** i hear you, babe, but no 

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** Perhaps if you were to explain your encounters so far, Tim? That could help us understand what you are most aligned with?

**T i m < 3: ** encounters?

**T i m < 3: ** um other than venting to the void

**T i m < 3: ** i had a dream the other night

**T i m < 3: ** big black empty space. endless.

**T i m < 3: ** i dropped a woman i hate and watched her fall

**T i m < 3: ** then showed her her death

**T i m < 3: ** she was trapped in these weird tendrils of like darkness idk

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** dreams are very end energy

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** even for those of us who are boring and just survive

**M i k e < 3: ** endless space

**M i k e < 3: ** ENDLESS SPACE, Ollie!

**M i k e < 3: ** and falling???

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** he sHOWED HER HER DEATH

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** also the tendrils???

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** i love you a lot baby but no. He’s ours. 

**M a x w e l l < 3 : ** Perhaps if you were to co-operate? A dual avatar is unheard of, perhaps, but hardly impossible

**M i k e < 3 : ** the END. and ENDless SPACE. IT DOESN’T WORK

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** we’re opposites

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** it’s why we work so well

**M i k e < 3 : ** baby 

**M i k e < 3 : ** that’s gay <333

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** If you won’t cooperate, perhaps let Tim decide?

**T i m < 3: ** i like the cooperate idea, personally

**T i m < 3: ** i am poly, bi and gf i have never made a decision in my life

**M i k e < 3 : ** girlfriend???

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** gluten free???

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** Goth friend?

**T i m < 3: ** genderfluid?????????????????????

**M i k e < 3 : ** what happened to you being the one with the braincells manuela?

**M i k e < 3 : ** that’s even worse than girlfriend

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** No thoughts. Brain empty. Only science. Culty science

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** we’re all dumb ok thats not news

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** also yay trans rights!!

**S i m o n < 3 : ** If Tim is deciding!!!!

**S i m o n < 3 : ** Join the vast!

**S i m o n < 3 : ** I have lots of money and many spare credit cards!!

**S i m o n < 3 : ** Never have to work again!!

**S i m o n < 3 : ** You want a summer house? I got you

**T i m < 3 : ** oooh a sugar daddy

**T i m < 3 : ** tempting

**T i m < 3 : ** what can you offer, oliver?

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** immortality?

**T i m < 3 : ** bold of u to assume i dont want to die

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** opportunities to protect your friends?

**T i m < 3 : ** very tempting

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** also goth vibes?

**T i m < 3 : ** fucking sold

**T i m < 3 : ** can one up jar and a l s o he might find me even more hot

**T i m < 3 : ** bc yes pls

**T i m < 3 : ** (no need to report back to my bf he is reading over my shoulder and agrees)

**T i m < 3 : ** also he said why can i not choose both and i fucking agree goddamn it

**V o i d:** i d o n ‘ t k n o w i f i t w o r k s l i k e t h a t

**T i m < 3 : ** okay then let me think?? or see if something presents itself?? I dont wanna swear blind faith to some weird cult god without thinking about it first

**M i k e < 3 : ** we’re not a cult

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** yeah babe you are

**V o i d:** t h e y a r e n ‘ t g o d s

**O l i v e r < 3 : ** it’s a fitting description, though?

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** Ignore these arseholes and go and think about it, okay?

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** Not like you can really miss your chance

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** And while I refuse to join in with this bickering

**M a n u e l a < 3 : ** The dark would always be happy to have you

**_@MaxwellRayner_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@ManuelaDominguez_ **

**Maxwell:** I really don’t see why we cannot join in convincing

**Maxwell:** We should recruit, Manuela

**Maxwell:** Our numbers are falling

**Manuela:** It’s called strategy, Rayner

**Manuela:** We let the others push each other out of the running

**Manuela:** Believe me, we’ll seem like the most stable option

**Maxwell:** If you say so

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@SashaJames_ **

**Tim:** as my best friend i need to ask you a rlly important and definitely life altering question

**Sasha:** Okay? 

**Tim:** big man he’s a big boi man

**Tim:** powercut squeak

**Tim:** or the big slep

**Tim:** i will give no context pls pick one

**Sasha:** Tim, what???

**Tim:** i said no context pick one

**Sasha:** Not until you explain?

**Tim:** coward

**Sasha:** Shit, okay then

**Sasha:** Sleep, always

**Tim:** mmmm valid

**Tim:** but consider this

**Tim:** shmoney

**Sasha:** Tim what?????????????????

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GerardKeay:_ **

**Tim:** so it turns out

**Tim:** vast end a n d dark

**Tim:** idk which i am yet though

**Tim:** gerry help

**Gerry:** all three? wack

**Gerry:** you think you could be all 3?

**Gerry:** like multiclassing?

**Gerry:** pokemon style gotta catch ‘em all

**Tim:** apparently not

**Gerry:** big sad

**Gerry:** mikey said it’d be cool and maybe?

**Tim:** void said no i gotta do decisions

**Gerry:** tim love

**Gerry:** have you ever made a decision in your life?

**Tim:** tHATS WHAT I SAID

**Tim:** speaking of mikey btw how’s the pillow fort going?

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ sent a photo. [PHOTO ID: The same hallway, now near filled with pillows and blankets, strung from seemingly nowhere, creating the most intricate blanket fort ever seen. Michael stands in front, holding up his knife-like hands in a peace sign. He is grinning widely, euphoric.] _

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ sent a photo. [PHOTO ID: The inside of the fort. Walls of blanket, and scattered pillows. Little floating lights fill the space, like fairy lights with no wires. Michael sits in frame, smiling a warm smile that projects nothing but love to behind the camera. His long, eerie fingers are curled around a mug, and his long nails are handpainted with little flowers.] _

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ sent a photo. [PHOTO ID: the inside of the fort from the opposite angle. Gerry sits, leaning against a pile of pillows, his dark hair pulled into a messy bun. He is smiling, too, a similarly fond smile, and an oversized jumper slips off one shoulder. From the wild assortment of colours, it is clear it is not his, and though Gerry is not small it dwarfs him. The photo is bisected neatly down the middle by a long fingernail, but beneath it a pile of assorted snacks and more blankets can be seen] _

**Tim:** well that’s pretty fucking gay 

**Gerry:** yep :))

**Gerry:** date mikey and you get cute hallway dates

**Gerry:** like pillow forts

**Gerry:** also cuddles :))))

**Tim:** again gay

**Tim:** would be jealous but martin is cuddling me rn so you should be the jealous ones

**Gerry:** yh probably

**Gerry:** but do you have this good a pillow fort?

**Gerry:** ours defies the laws of physics

**Tim:** :(((((((((((((

**Tim:** ours do be comfy though

**Tim:** as is martin :)))

**Gerry:** gay

**Tim:** i am sO gay

**Tim:** it’s ridiculous

**Tim:** i’d simp to you but now i can simp directly to the source of said simpage

**Tim:** and he simps back which is very validating

**Gerry:** g a y 

**Gerry:** can’t believe i’ve been rejected as your main simping outlet

**Tim:** it was never you

**Gerry:** :ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**Gerry:** betrayal

**Gerry:** who tf was it???

**Gerry:** not jon????????

**Gerry:** i’d guess sasha but she hasn’t murdered you yet so….

**Tim:** the void :)

**Gerry:** you fucking idiot this is why it claimed you???

**Gerry:** oh yeah im tamathy stamper, a weird void messages me im just gonna mESSAGE BACK because i t o t a l l y have braincells 

**Gerry:** it’s like you wanted to become an avatar????? God and i thought Jon was stupid

**Tim:** i take offence to that one

**Gerry:** i take offence to you going to the void instead of me so we could simp together

**Tim:** you have a partner????   
**Gerry:** and?? we simp together it’s fun

**Gerry:** you know what? im gonna choose to believe you didnt message me bc you were simping for me too and i do not care if im right or not i will believe it anyway

**Tim:** wow u caught me

**Tim:** absolutely why

**Gerry:** ur sarcasm is rlly discouraging, tim

**Gerry:** you have just broken my heart

**Gerry:** shattered it

**Gerry:** how could you do this to me i was so obviously head over heels for you

**Tim:** you say that as though i even noticed MARTIN was

**Tim:** and you know how in love with him i am

**Tim:** anyway you are no help

**Tim:** tell me which to choose?

**Gerry:** all of them

**Tim:** I DONT THINK I CAN

**Gerry:** dont be a coward do it

**Tim:** believe me I want to, Jar

**Gerry:** be gay do crime break the rules

**Tim:** the rules of physics 0r nature or whatever tf this is?

**Gerry:** i mean mikey does

**Tim:** touche

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**Martin:** Tim is ignoring me to talk to Ger so imma ignore him to talk to you

**Martin:** (Am joking btw!! i'm not actually mad)

**Martin:** Anyway do you know anything about entity multiclassing? I think that's what they were calling it?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you mean other than it sounds real cool?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** nope

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also how are you i miss you are you okay???

**Martin:** Yeah, I had a brief wobble as I’m sure you saw but I mean

**Martin:** I’m now dating Tim???

**Martin:** Somehow??

**Martin:** So couldn’t be better :))))))

**Martin:** How are you?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** also good

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** pillow fort!!

**Martin:** I saw! It looks really cozy :)

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** it is

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how are you feeling ab having an extra spicey partner?

**Martin:** Good, I think? I mean, I don’t really understand, but it’s still Tim

**Martin:** And you’re spicier? I’m pretty sure you’re the spiciest and you’re really great and Gerry seems to be vibing so?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** u fucking wu

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** speaking of our respective partners

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i dont want you to feel threatened or anything bc tim is clearly head over heels for you and all

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but are you getting any

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** vibes?

**Martin:** Thank god you said something

**Martin:** Many vibes

**Martin:** I do not think Tim has realised yet but it’s definitely more than meaningless flirting

**Martin:** Sorry :///

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i think the same on G’s part

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** and don’t be sorry it’s really adorable

**Martin:** I agree I was just

**Martin:** Checking, I guess?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** i mean i’ve established i dont mind your simping

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** why would i mind tims?

**Martin:** I mean he is the hot one? 

**Martin:** Like if you weren’t in the picture he’d definitely have a chance

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** he has a chance anyway

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** but thats not important

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you are bOth the hot one martin

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** you also have a chance

**Martin:** Maybe in an alternate universe where Gerry has low standards

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** in this universe

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** how is tim not fighting you on this wtf???

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** get some self esteem challenge

**Martin:** He can’t see my phone

**Martin:** I’m not hiding it or anything!! 

**Martin:** He’s just lying on my leg so can’t see

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** admit ur hot or i’ll send him screenshots

**Martin:** Shit

**Martin:** Fine

**Martin:** I guess by some peoples standards I could be considered vaguely attractive

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** try again 

**Martin:** I could feasibly be considered attractive?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** again?

**Martin:** Okay, fuck it, I’m hot. That enough for you?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** next time try believing it but ok 

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** ur right you are very hot 

**Martin:** Can we move back to how our partners are being idiots and don’t realise they like/are in love with each other even though they’re clearly flirting?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** fine

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** wait

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** oh shit 

**Martin:** ????

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** if im right ger will never let us live something down

**Martin:** what???

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** doesnt matter :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If any artists read this shit please ignore all of the chapter except the pillow fort part, that’s what’s important.   
> Also, come join our discord!! Friendly reminder it’s 15+ https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x


	32. Two Gays Chilling In The Tunnels No Feet Apart 'Cause They're So Gay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> spiral this is for you.  
> enjoy :))))))))))

**_@MichaelCrew_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Mike:** hi tim, how you doing?

**Tim:** okay ig?

**Tim:** this is stressy but at least i have marto

**Mike:** gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

**Tim:** me? a homosexual? no siree you must be mistaken

**Mike:** finally somebody who GETS me

**Mike:** the only acceptable response to gayyyyy

**Tim:** well that and ‘yeah obviously/what about it’

**Mike:** correct

**Mike:** same wavelength mate

**Tim:** same wavelength!!!

**Tim:** while im here

**Tim:** what’s serving the vast like?

**Mike:** kinda sexy ngl

**Mike:** i mean i chose it to avoid the spiral

**Mike:** so maybe im bias

**Mike:** but i mean i can yeet people off buildings

**Mike:** sometimes without killing them

**Mike:** i know the dark is kinda culty

**Mike:** and the end is powerful but i'm pretty sure oliver hadnt had a full nights sleep until we started dating

**Mike:** vast is just fucking around, messing with people a bit

**Mike:** also unlimited skydiving and much money

**Tim:** is this propaganda?????

**Tim:** are you trying to convince me?

**Tim:** here i thought we were bros

**Mike:** both? both is good?

**Tim:** omg you m e m e hell yeah we bros

**Mike:** i’m trying to convert simon to knowing meme culture pls help

**Tim:** omg im so down

**Mike:** gang gang

**Mike:** this is why you should join the vast lmao we vibe

**Tim:** very very tempting

**Tim:** but decisions are scary i’ll decide eventually

**Mike:** oh mood

**Mike:** no pressure im here to answer any questions

**Tim:** thank you!!

**_@MichaelCrew_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@OliverBanks_ **

**Mike:** hey baby

**Mike:** guess who’s now bros w tim?

**Mike:** vast: 1 everyone else: 0

**Oliver:** I thought we agreed we weren’t gonna message individually?

**Mike:** technically you agreed that not me

**Oliver:** How dare???

**Mike:** you also promised :))

**Oliver:** What the fuck, Mike??

**Mike:** :)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**Oliver:** You know what, well played, love

**Oliver:** Very well played

**Mike:** i played you like a cheap whistle

**Oliver:** you did! i’m actually kinda proud ngl

**Mike:** :))))

**Oliver:** love you babe

**Oliver:** now it is time for a counter attack 

**Mike:** i am s o s c a r e d

**Oliver:** your sarcasm is a mistake 

**Oliver:** be prepared :))

**Mike:** okay shit the smiley faces are concerning

**Mike:** did i ACTUALLY fuck up???

**Oliver:** yes :)))) 

**Oliver:** you really really did :))))))))))))))))))))))))))

**Mike:** i love you????

**Oliver:** good :)))

**Oliver:** that doesn’t change anything

**Mike:** f u c k 

**_@OliverBanks_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TheVoid_ **

**Oliver:** hey will you do me a favour?

**Void:** o f c o u r s e !

**Oliver:** pass a message on to tim?

**Oliver:** just say that mike tricked me into promising not to message so as response can you say you’re leaning towards the end next time you talk to him? bc spite :))) also dont listen to him idc what he says

**Void:** h a v e d o n e x x x

**Void:** h e s a i d o k a y ! < 3

**Oliver:** tell him thank you!!!!

**Void:** h e s a i d n o w o r r i e s h e i s a l w a y s d o w n f o r s p i t e

**Oliver:** nice :)))

**Void:** i c a n g i v e s o m e e n d p r o p o g a n d a i f y o u w a n t ?

**Oliver:** if it’s true then yeah!!

**Void:** o h o b v i o u s l y 

**_@MichaelCrew_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Mike:** any more thoughts?

**Tim:** am leaning towards the end ngl

**Mike:** why though???

**Tim:** apparently any end avatar can choose to just,,,,not die by killing other people (i probably wouldn't but like what if i found murderers?????? I think thats a win????)

**Tim:** also whats real sexy is that they apparently can talk to the dead/prevent dying/possibly even bring people back

**Tim:** though it depends on who and like how committed??? Or something?? Idek its not like a default ability as soon as you become an avatar

**Tim:** like class/subclass features in dnd!! Gotta level up first

**Mike:** wait w h a t????

**_@MichaelCrew_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@OliverBanks_ **

**Mike:** OLIVER WHAT THE FUCK

**Mike:** OLIVER W H A T

**Oliver:** lmaooo

**Mike:** i can’t believe you broke your promise

**Oliver:** i didn’t

**Mike:** what?????????????

**Oliver:** asked the void to pass on a message

**Mike:** omg babe that’s so smart

**Mike:** what did you ask him to say though bc um

**Mike:** why would you not tell me

**Mike:** that

**Oliver:** i asked for the void to tell tim to tell you he changed sides bc spite for the meme ngl

**Mike:** you’re immortal???? 

**Oliver:** i’m not!! I could be but i dont wanna kill people :///

**Mike:** and that you can talk to the dead???? And save lives???? Or nECROMANCE????

**Oliver:** i can’t do that

**Oliver:** wait shit the void said he wouldn’t lie

**Oliver:** WAIT I CAN DO THAT?????

**Mike:** maybe ur not levelled up yet

**Mike:** do u even have a subclass

**Oliver:** is this dnd metaphors??

**Mike:** ur like a second level end avatar

**Mike:** meanwhile i’m like at LEAST level ten vast avatar

**Mike:** probably higher

**Mike:** bc i’m not a coward

**Oliver:** i hate you

**Oliver:** i mean you might be level ten but your stats are fucking low

**Oliver:** i definitely have higher intelligence

**Oliver:** and wisdom

**Oliver:** and probably charisma

**Mike:** no fucking way do you have higher charisma than me

**Oliver:** who got the void to help?

**Mike:** i could too

**Mike:** no

**Mike:** fuck

**Mike:** why will the void not help me???????

**Oliver:** i’m the void’s favourite :)))

**Mike:** i hate you

**Oliver:** you love me

**Oliver:** this is definitely high charisma behaviour of me

**Mike:** you are very sneaky

**Mike:** fucking rogue

**Oliver:** did you not say rogue was the hottest dnd class last week?

**Mike:** thats my fucking point, oliver

**Oliver:** awww babe

**Oliver:** thats really gay

**Oliver:** disgusting

**Oliver:** don’t pull that shit w me

**Mike:** even you, ollie???? even fucking you????

**Oliver:** yep :)))

**Oliver:** now time to ask the void ab these powers i might have

**Oliver:** ooooh apparently i can - to continue the dnd metaphor

**Oliver:** if i get to a high enough ‘level’ i can power word kill

**Oliver:** also so can the archivist apparently if he gets to a high level w some weird ceaseless watcher i want this twink obliterated thing? but the beholding doesn't like elias enough so he doesn’t get it and i think thats pretty fucking funny

**Mike:** you can power word kill???

**Mike:** thats real fucking hot oliver

**Oliver:** not yet but like...

**Mike:** fucking marry me

**Oliver:** buy me a ring first coward

**Mike:** bet

**Oliver:** and you better propose properly. You have sky powers you can do something cooler than just a fucking text

**Mike:** b e t

**Oliver:** if it isn’t either ridiculously powerful or ridiculously romantic i will-

**Mike:** speed level up and learn power word kill?

**Oliver:** i was gonna say break up with you or say no but yeah that's a more badass threat

**Mike:** i will yeet you into the vast

**Oliver:** as the proposal?

**Mike:** would that work??????

**Oliver:** if i don’t fucking die, y e a h

**Mike:** hot

**Oliver:** yeah you are

**Mike:** how dare you

**Oliver:** love you

**Mike:** love you too baby

**_@TimothyStoker_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@MartinBlackwood_ **

**Tim:** hey marto 

**Tim:** i need to talk ;) ;) ;) to you

**Martin:** Oh no!! I wonder what about! 

**Martin:** This will cause me enough stress that I will leave my desk and half-finished work immediately to come and find you. 

**Tim:** breakroom?

**Martin:** I would rather nobody walk in and hear us ‘arguing’

**Martin:** Tunnels under the institute?

**Tim:** added bonus that jam jar said something about elias not being able to see down there?

**Tim:** i guess theres just no security cameras??

**Martin:** Or maybe he has spooky stuff like jon?

**Tim:** if so jon’s like spooky google

**Tim:** elias is like spooky yahoo

**Martin:** No!! Spooky bing

**Tim:** oh you are so right, baby

**Tim:** so many braincells

**Tim:** anyway, the tunnels?

**Tim:** i would like to have this ‘argument’

**Martin:** Be professional Tim, we are at work

**Tim:** (i presume this is a continued joke ab arguments but if u actually wanna be professional and continue working thats okay)

**Martin:** (No i wanna come make out with you in the tunnels as we just planned don’t be a coward)

**Tim:** (thank god bc i’m already down there)

**Martin:** (Be with you in a couple minutes, love, i’m just waiting til jon is back in his office <3)

**Tim:** (nice!! btw what is this ‘argument’ about?)

**Martin:** (How we’re both gonna leave each other for Gerry as we’re both slightly in love with them?)

**Tim:** i’m not in love with gerry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Martin:** Yeah you are

**Tim:** shit

**Tim:** yeah i am

**Tim:** is that ok?

**Martin:** Obviously

**Martin:** On my way now <3

WORK BITCHES

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** hey, um

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** jon?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Hello?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** okay so

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** me and martin were in the tunnels?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Why?

**I hate it here:** Arguing xx

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** an argument

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Oh no um

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** oh shitttttttttttt are you guys okay?

**Our awesome aro mum:** Tim you idiot haha

**I hate it here:** Yeah we’re doing amazing!

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** oh lmao

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** arguing

**Our awesome aro mum:** Lol

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** gerbear we should argue in the tunnels sometime

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** sounds funky

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Seriously, are you guys okay???

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** You haven’t broken up or anything, right????

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Is there anything I can do?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** oh jon 

**I hate it here:** We’re fine!!

**I hate it here:** Um getting back on track?

**I hate it here:** Gerry, Michael, sorry to disappoint but I really wouldn’t recommend it

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** we got interrupted

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** and um

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** so we thought it was one of you?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** but ig not or someone probs wouldve mentioned

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** so thats concerning

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** anyway we ran bc

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** um

**I hate it here:** We didn't want people to have to see us arguing 

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** yeah that thanks marto <333

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** so we ran and

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you should probably just come down here, jon

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you’re gonna want to see this

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** What’s going on??

**I hate it here:** We slightly found a corpse

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** yep lmao

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** we think it’s the old archivist?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** there's a load of tapes down here too

**I hate it here:** Come down to the tunnels i managed to retrace my steps so I can bring you to it

**I hate it here:** Tim’s staying w the body

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** come down now i feel weird leaving martin alone when we heard something down there

**I hate it here:** Tim sweetheart you’re in a dark room with a dead body and a load of creepy tapes? I think you should be the one we’re worried about

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I’m on my way down now

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Oh

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Oh ‘arguing’

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Ohhhhh

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Um

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** yes, ‘oh’

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** well done jon

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We are going to ignore that

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** If any of you could help us gather the tapes? 

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** i can!!!

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** you can store them in the corridors if you want!!

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** saves carrying them bc i can just open another door

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Thank you, Michael, that’d be great

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** If thats the case, Sasha, would you mind calling the police and letting them know we’ve found Gertrude’s body?

**Our awesome aro mum:** Will do!!

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Thank you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> End Notes - we told spiral the deathdrop content was angsty and um... sorry spiral well we’re afraid, that we, well we may have faked it *clap* *clap*  
> If anybody wishes to join some chaos - such as when we did our pre-posting live read and everybody pretended it was angst to confuse one (1) michael kinnie - come join our discord!! https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (just a note it is 15+)


	33. Sasha, Known Simp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> come join our discord for some funky chaos!! https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (just a reminder it is 15+)

**_@JonathanSims_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@GeorgieBarker_ **

**Jon:** Hey so i am having a gay crisis

**Jon:** Martin is beautiful

**Jon:** But also so is Tim

**Jon:** They were in the tunnels together and Martin came up and he was blushing a frankly ridiculous amount and his hair was all messed up 

**Georgie:** i am trying to figure out if you are acting more or less emotionally repressed than usual and i think the conclusion is both???

**Jon:** He looked really embarrassed but was also smiling really softly and my heart did a thing and i’m worried I might be in love with him

**Jon:** Georgie shut up

**Georgie:** you are literally the last person to know

**Georgie:** i mean really, Jonathan Simps, you only just came to this conclusion?

**Jon:** Shut up!!!!

**Georgie:** no <3

**Jon:** Anyway that’s not even the worst part because i went down with him and Tim was there and I mean i know that he’s objectively very attractive

**Georgie:** which coming from you means ridiculously, obnoxiously hot and/or a model

**Jon:** georgie stop

**Jon:** Look he just

**Jon:** He was looking at Martin with the softest expression of love and like...awe and also pride or self satisfaction or something and his hair was all messed up too - probably worse - and he had this little smirk 

**Jon:** I spent a good minute staring at him instead of the corpse

**Jon:** Georgie how are people this beautiful

**Georgie:** Jon

**Georgie:** Corpse?????

**Georgie:** What do you mean corpse??????????????????

**Georgie:** Jonathan Sims what the hell do you mean by corpse

**Jon:** Oh yeah we found Gertrude but that’s not important

**Georgie:** What do you mean not important???   
**Jon:** I mean we knew she was probably dead all that’s new is that she was shot

**Jon:** ...Probably by someone in the institute

**Jon:** Wait fuck

**Jon:** Fuck what if it’s one of

**Jon:** No

**Jon:** No I can't think like that

**Jon:** I trust them

**Georgie:** thank fuck don’t be an idiot jon 

**Jon:** But Sasha was meant to get her job…

**Jon:** And we know Tim would do anything for Sasha

**Jon:** Probably including murder

**Jon:** And Gerry

**Jon:** Gerry hates her

**Jon:** So does Michael

**Jon:** Though if it were Michael she wouldn’t have been shot, more...stabbed? Impaled? Knife hands?

**Jon:** But Gerry

**Jon:** They wouldn’t kill for themself, I don’t think

**Jon:** But for Michael?

**Jon:** In a heartbeat

**Georgie:** Jon quit spiralling

**Georgie:** do i need to come physically knock some sense into you??

**Georgie:** i can and will punch you????

**Jon:** What if it’s Martin I know Martin seems all soft and wholesome but nobody can be that nice all of the time

**Jon:** He breaks in places he already breaks the law

**Jon:** And to help someone he cares about…

**Georgie:** jon stop spiralling do you actually suspect martin???

**Jon:** ……..No. He is too soft and too full of love and tea

**Georgie:** and do you really think sasha would murder someone for a job?

**Jon:** Fine, no

**Georgie:** or that tim would put her reputation at risk like that???

**Jon:** No

**Georgie:** or that gerry would have actually done it?

**Jon:** I mean yeah they would

**Jon:** They’d be very valid in that! She hurt their partner and was really shitty to them can we really blame them?

**Georgie:** then quit spiralling coward

**Georgie:** i mean are you a shitty person who hurt their partner? no, so you’re fine

**Georgie:** and i mean whats a little murder between friends anyway

**Georgie:** can’t believe i am saying this but drop the angst and get back to pining

**Georgie:** talk more about how you wanna make out w tim or make martin blush like that or how you’re a hopeless fucking gay who’s in love with two men and yet probably will never act on it

**Jon:** They’re together, Georgie, and I’m not in love with Tim?

**Georgie:** and??? you’re not trying to break them up you’re trying to date them both

**Georgie:** also thats ok you’ll realise you are eventually

**Jon:** I can’t just date them both

**Georgie:** bitch ur poly tf??

**Georgie:** and you have no way of knowing that they’re NOT

**Jon:** ….they both are

**Jon:** That’s not the point

**Georgie:** then what is the problem jonathan

**Jon:** Neither of them like me, i’m not good enough for either of them, and they’re very very happy together and i don’t want to ruin that

**Georgie:** which to unpack first the stupid self deprecation or the sheer idiocy

**Jon:** Neither

**Georgie:** you’re good enough for anyone jon quit being a dumb shit

**Georgie:** and it took you like a year to notice i liked you EVEN AFTER WE HAD BEEN ON DATES 

**Georgie:** so you are not the authority on what anybody thinks about you ever

**Georgie:** also you wouldnt be ruining it dont be a coward

**Georgie:** more people = more hugs

**Georgie:** anyway you’re dealing w whatever and then coming over to mine for moral support, ice cream, vodka and hugs

**Jon:** Vodka, really???

**Georgie:** you found a dead body!?!? tonight is not a night for wine

**Jon:** Fine

**Jon:** The cops are here, anyway

**Jon:** Goodbye, Georgie

**Georgie:** love you jonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

**Jon:** I love you, too

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Hello all

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** The police have just arrived to take down everybodys statements

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We will be using my office for this, so if you can all just wait in the break room until you are called in

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** If any of you did murder her, please do not confess. That would be idiotic and thoughtless so please do not

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Gerry, you may not officially work here but should probably give a statement nonetheless. Michael you should really really really not

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** :(((((((((((( 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** please?

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** okay but only bc ur hot

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** ?????????????????????????? no ??????????????????????????

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** yeah no xe’s right

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** and will do

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i didnt kill her but i wish i had

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Fair

**I hate it here:** Not that I blame you but why??

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** oh lmao 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** she made mikey like this and while i love them a lot like this, it wasn’t fun for hir at the start and ms fucking robinson had no right

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** she was also a dick to me, took the role of a ‘mother figure’ then tried to do exactly what my mum wanted and put me in a fucking skin book

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** (for context she failed, but i was dying and she tried to kill me quicker so my brain would be more intact and she could use me more. Mikey saved me though <333)

**I hate it here:** Oh shit that’s horrible

**I hate it here:** Unless someone like Elias killed her I vote we band up to support them bc she deserved it

**Our awesome aro mum:** Now you say it, it has to be Elias

**Our awesome aro mum:** It makes sense

**Our awesome aro mum:** Far too much sense

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** guess that's what we telling the cops then

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you think they’ll take theories??

**Our awesome aro mum:** possibly?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Martin, they asked to send you in

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Good luck, and i’m sure Officer Hussain will be excited to meet you all.

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you know one of the cops?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** They’re in my band

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** which band member, coward?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Ashes O’Rielly. Arson one

**Our awesome aro mum:** Ohh shit they’re the hot one

**Our awesome aro mum:** Cannot believe arson immortal is a cop though what a let down (acab)

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** s a s h a did i just see

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** was that a hint of SIMP i saw???

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** are you s i m p i n g ?

**Our awesome aro mum:** I can find somebody hot without simping, Timothy

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** yeah stimstam

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you have no room to talk cookie jar

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** also sasha admit it ur simping

**Our awesome aro mum:** only a tiny bit

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** s u r e

**Our awesome aro mum:** Aro, remember?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** a n d ???

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you admitted it now anyway

**Our awesome aro mum:** Fuck

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** tim ur going all v o i d on us calm down

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** n o < 3

**I hate it here:** Hi Jon, it was lovely meeting your friend, though the other cop lady was kinda scary

**I hate it here:** Also Sasha they said to send you in

**Our awesome aro mum:** Oh

**Our awesome aro mum:** Fuck

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** s i m p 

**Our awesome aro mum:** >:((((

**_@Stop stealing my sexuality plz_ ** _ renamed  _ **_@Our awesome aro mum_ ** _ to  _ **_@Known Simp_ **

**Known Simp:** >:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

**_@BasiraAshesHussain_ ** _ has created a new chat. _

**_@BasiraAshesHussain_ ** _ has added @ _ **_GunpowderTim, @RaphaellaLaCognizi, @NastyaRasputina, @SashaJames, @GeorginaBarker, @MariusVonRaum, @IvyAlexandria, @NikolaOrsinov_ ** _ and @ _ **_DrumbotBrian_ ** _. _

**_BasiraAshesHussain_ ** _ has named the chat  _ **_We Killed Our Lead Singer_ **

**We Killed Our Lead Singer**

**_BasiraAshesHussain_ ** _ renamed themself to  _ **_Ashes_ **

**Ashes:** hey this is mechs chat part two

**Ashes:** mechs sans jonny and with the addition of his least idiotic friends (honourary mechs if you will?)

**Ashes:** support group for jon’s pining bs i guess?

**Ashes:** n e way we all know georgie from the amount of time she spent w jon at uni, but everyone meet sasha!! one of jon’s co-workers, possibly the only one he isn’t in love with, and the holder of the singular archives braincell.

**Sasha:** Hi, everyone!! 

**Raphaella:** Hello, Sasha! As the owner of the mechs braincell, I offer my condolences

**Brian:** rude

**Raphaella:** Made-up prophecies don’t count brian

**Brian:** they do too

**Tim:** raph stop being mean to him that’s my job

**Raphaella:** That’s kinda gay

**Tim:** how?????

**Raphaella:** Haven’t you heard of enemies to lovers, Tim?

**Tim:** if he was my enemy i woulda blown him up like the moon :)))

**Sasha:** I am so confused????

**Ashes:** ignore them they're idiots

**Ivy:** You’re one to talk overlord arsonist

**Tim:** overlord???????

**Ivy:** Sira buys me books in exchange for the title

**Nastya:** sounds like a good deal?

**Tim:** no?????? From now on ashes i will only call you peasant to counter ivy’s ego-booster

**Ashes:** i will kill your friends and family

**Tim:** Ivy gets rewards and i get threats????

**Ashes:** yep!!

**Ashes:** also stop being rude and say hi to sasha or i will set you on fire

**Tim:** Fucking try me

**Tim:** Though also hi, Sasha!

**Nikola:** Hello Sasha! It Is Wonderful To Meet You!

**Nikola:** I Am Nikola! Or The Toy Soldier! I Am Made Of Plastic! 

**Nikola:** Please Say Hello To Martin For Me? He Hasn’t Messaged In At Least A Week And My Girlfriend Misses Him Too

**Sasha:** Oh, um okay? Does Jon know that you’re plastic?

**Nikola:** Obviously!

**Nikola:** I Have Told Him!

**Nikola:** Multiple Times!

**Nikola:** And He Sees Me In Person Semi-Frequently!

**Nikola:** How Could He Not Know?!

**Georgie:** he doesn’t xxx

**Nikola:** What In The Actual Fuck, Jonathan?!

**Georgie:** he thought it was a meme for a bit so started researching memes, which was hilarious

**Georgie:** also hi, sasha! i’m georgie, jon’s long-suffering ex-girlfriend-and-current-best-friend

**Sasha:** Hi??? It’s lovely to meet you all?

**Nastya:** and you!! also marius i am going to murder you

**Marius:** What did i do????

**Tim:** oooooooooooooooooooooh things are heating up in the violin fandom

**Nastya:** never mind marius you’re fine im gonna go fucking murder tim instead :)))

**Sasha:** This is so weird. The Tim i know has definitely used that meme several times and in other ways seems very similar to you?

**Sasha:** Though he does not belong in the smart people chat

**Tim:** nor do i :))))

**Tim:** also hi!! I am gunpowder tim :)) my lifes ambition is to blow up the moon

**Raphaella:** *gunpowder timothy

**Marius:** *gun tim

**Ivy:** god timothy what have you got against the moon

**Tim:** oh i see how it is

**Tim:** no jonny, who should we bully

**Tim:** gunpowder fucking tim

**Raphaella:** *gunpowder fucking timothy

**Marius:** *gun fucking tim

**Tim:** i hate it here

**Nastya:** ooooooooh things heating up in the guntim fandom

**Tim:** i am seconds away from committing a hate crime 

**WORK BITCHES**

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** hey um

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** so we may have another mild problem

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i think i’ve found the source of the noise that spooked me and marto

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** there may be somebody living in our tunnels?   
**_Stop stealing my sexuality plz_ ** _ sent a photo. [Photo ID: a screenshot of a tweet, from an account branded as ‘The Library; Tunnels Edition’, with the username @jeurgenleitner___. The tweet reads the following: _

_ {The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ I heard noises, and went to look, and just saw two fully grown men running away from me, holding hands and giggling like children? } _

_ The tweet has clearly blown up, with many likes, retweets and comments, the only readable one asking ‘what were they doing there?’, with the response ‘Being gay, I believe’. All other responses are cut off.] _

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** lmao what happened to ‘arguing’

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** goddamnit jar i thought we were friends

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** I think the bigger concern may be that we could have somebody living in our tunnels?

**I hate it here:** Jeurgen Leitner? that's library guy, right?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** where does it say jeurgen leitner???!!!

**I hate it here:** the username, under the thing about the library

**Our awesome aro mum:** Did Jon just run down to the tunnels?

**Our awesome aro mum:** Completely unarmed and looking angry?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** shit. i’ll go down and check on him.

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** jar? you have leitner trauma, right? 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** yeppppppppppppp

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** you wanna come down too? see if you get to throw a punch?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** fuck yeah

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

_ @Fite me gwen stacey added @TimothyStoker _

_ @Fite me gwen stacey changed the nickname for @TimothyStoker to @Holy Shit A Multiclass? _

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** um...hi?


	34. "Now You Fucked Up" In Ancient Yiddish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! for bastards and very very mild spoilers for 160. if you wish to avoid EITHER just skip the conversation between plukas and the catboy capitalist  
> ALSO!!!! come join us on discord at https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (15+)

**WORK BITCHES**

**I hate it here:** um………..guys???

**I hate it here:** somebody wanna explain this tweet series?

**I hate it here:** bc you’re still in the tunnels and i am concerned :)))

**_I hate it here_ ** _ sent three photos. [Photo ID: screenshots of many tweets, from an account branded as ‘The Library; Tunnels Edition’, with the username @jeurgenleitner___. The tweets read the following: _

_ {The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ I might be livetweeting my death right now  _

_ The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ But um i hear footsteps and somehow my book is not helping me hide as well? _

_ The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ It can’t be the eye bc how would the eye know???? So i am confused is the spiral helping??? _

_ The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ Fuck _

_ The Library, Tunnels Edition: _

_ Hello the owner of this account is now deceased sincerely an angry goth} _

**I hate it here:** guys????

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** We will elaborate when we get back up but yes, Leitner’s dead

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Good riddance 

**I hate it here:** :0

**I hate it here:** do we need to do something about the body?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** nah your bf sorted that :)

**I hate it here:** gerry what?????????????????????????????????????????????

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i’m not gonna lie it was objectively kind of hot

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** like hell yeah stimothy destroy the elderly

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** ‘objectively’

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** mikey what??

**I hate it here:** lmao michael our partners are both still idiots

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** ??????????????????

**I hate it here:** tim you ok?????? 

**I hate it here:** sweetheart?

**I hate it here:** tim?

**I hate it here:** the rest of you with tim?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** he seems ok just preoccupied? i think he’s coping alright

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** just messaging someone? i think?

**I hate it here:** okay if you’re sure?

**I hate it here:** am worried :/

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** oh no marto baby! don’t worry i’ll be fine shit happened i will tell you about it as soon as i have processed it <333

**I hate it here:** is there anything I can do? Tea? A hug?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** is both an option?

**I hate it here:** always, sweetheart <3

**I hate it here:** you wanna come up to the breakroom?

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** will be up in a few, babe <3

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** alert! alert! gays in the chat!!

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** gross! fucking disgusting! vile!

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** go be gay in the breakroom where we dont gotta witness

**Our awesome aro mum:** Thank heavens for you, Gerry! Who else would’ve told them they’re gay?! /s

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** ikr!!!! now fuck off and be gay elsewhere

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** just bc you miss michael 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** :(((((

**I hate it here:** (and are pining for [REDACTED] :)))

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** no i am nOT

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** press x to doubt

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** this is gerryphobia

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** *jarphobia

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** also gerbear dont miss me i’ll come to the institute right now!

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** bonus bc it gives douchard a headache lmaooo

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** ok i’m here come vibe w me ger i miss you too 

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** i know for a fact you guys were together a matter of hours ago and also all weekend

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** and??? they’re beautiful and i love them 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** love you too, fuckhands <3

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** g a y s gays in the chat g a y s oh god oh no get this homosexuality away from me

**Our awesome aro mum:** You are both hypocrites only I can talk

**Our awesome aro mum:** Gays so many gays gays in the chat gays on main I am Surrounded this is hell

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** sash i am so proud

**Our awesome aro mum:** You are one of them

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** b e t r a y a l

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Gerry, Tim, when you’re free would you mind giving statements?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** if mikey can come with im free rn

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Of course

**Our awesome aro mum:** Gay

**Stop stealing my sexuality plz:** oh god oh no what have i started

**Our awesome aro mum:** :)))))))))))))))))

**AVATARS OF THE W H O R E**

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** um...hi?

**Fite me Gwen Stacey:** new meat babeyyyyyyyyy

**Fite me Gwen Stacey:** hi mr tim stoker welcome to avatar gang :))))

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** ?????

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** tim!!!!!!!! Hello!!!

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** hi?

**The hot sexy death guy who is hot:** it’s oliver! 

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** oh hi!!!!!

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** timberly!!!!

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** cookiejar??????

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** wait i swear ur not an avatar

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** hence the nickname :))

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** tim!! it’s me! michael!!

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** you should meet helen she’s my hallway sister

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** hi!!!!!!! i am helen i am hallways

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** *we are hallways

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** um hi helen? nice to meet you? and hi mikey!!!

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** jar are these the avatar people chat thing you mentioned?

**“She doesn’t even go here!”:** ye boi!! so are you!!

**Fire Simp:** Speaking of

**Fire Simp:** Multiclass?

**Fire Simp:** How?

**Student 4:** It is not new. I am stranger and also flesh? 

**Student 6:** I am stranger and also eye!! :D

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** I did not think it was that unusual

**Fite Me Gwen Stacy:** plukas????????

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Lonely and vast?

**The OG Sky Fucker:** And a dissapointment!

**The OG Sky Fucker:** Confirmed by the void as not a star

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** :(

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** ur too full of sad plukas

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** can’t believe i came here thinking i’d get l e s s confused damn

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Tim, if you’re feeling up to it would you mind giving a statement?

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls:** sure but can i give it here? over message? i feel everyone deserves an explanation

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Of course. Whatever’s easier

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** owo it’s spooky google time 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** **_Statement of Timothy Stoker, Regarding the death of Jeurgen Leitner. Statement begins._ **

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls: :** _ Martin and I were in the tunnels when we heard him the first time. We’d gone down for a little quiet, to be alone for a few minutes, to put it bluntly - to make out. We heard footsteps and ran, assuming it was a coworker checking up on us. It was funny at the time, we were laughing as we ran, but then we found the body. Gertrude lay there, surrounded by tape recorders, clean of blood despite the bullet wounds. Martin went to fetch you, and we somewhat forgot about the footsteps until I saw the tweet.  _

_ On realising it was Leitner you ran down, and I followed with Jar. We got there and you were interrogating him, so we waited until his statement was finished and then Jar snapped. Started attacking him, and I held them back but you, too, were angry, and when I found out the impact he had on your lives.. I got mad too. I don’t know what happened, not completely, but one moment we were there and the next in the same wide emptiness of my dream. It felt like home again, but real. Far too real. You were both there with me, and for a moment I panicked, but unlike him you were unrestrained. The darkness seemed to solidify under you like the tendrils that held him.  _

_ I have never felt more powerful, and I somehow, once more, knew what to do. I let him fall, endlessly, until I caught him, unharmed. Tendrils circling his legs and wrists and holding him there. I showed him his death, painful and bloody and brutal. This took hours yet mere seconds, and I left him there, restrained, to Jar.  _

_ He died exactly as I had shown him. Flying fists and dripping blood and angry laughter, and it was beautiful. I knew the moment the life left him, pulled Jar off.  _

_ We stared at his corpse a long moment. Jon gave it a final kick and I allowed the void to release him, for one brief moment, until he fell out of view. Consumed by darkness. He’s still there, somewhere, I suppose, but I don’t know where. Lost to the void.  _

_ I got the two of you out, and then we came up here. I know I am an avatar now. Of the vast, the end and the dark. A strange combination, personified by the void. My domain. I wish I could feel guilty for it, but I don’t. He would’ve died anyway. I can see that, and how. All the hundreds of opportunities for his final demise, and most of them happened then, whether by your hands or mine or Elias’.  _

_ I don’t know much about death. Cannot see when you will end, or I, but in that moment I knew every possibility for his. And all of them were beautiful.  _

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** **_Statement ends._ **

**I hate it here:** That’s kinda hot though ngl

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** tea

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** though did you mean Tim or Gerbear?

**I hate it here:** Uh both?

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** TEA

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i cannot believe you even called me jar in a sTATEMENT what the fuck stimothan 

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** tim likes the nickname can you really complain?

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** you put up with far worse from me

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** gerbear is soft. also i’m dating you

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** and?

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** am not dating him

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** coward

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** it is rare that you confuse me mikey but now is one of those times

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** i love you but you are hopeless

**I hate it here:** Tea :)))

**I hate it here:** Also back onto how Tim looked at death and went ‘ok i can make that sexy’ and then did??

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** mood martin

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** i mean….yeah

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls:** is this really what you’re focusing on???

**I hate it here:** Yep! You’re hot, sweetheart, deal with it. 

**I hate it here:** Are you okay, though?

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls:** yeah i’m fine

**I hate it here:** Good <333 Love you

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls:** love you too

**Our awesome aro mum:** Gays in the chat! Gays in the chat!

**Our awesome aro mum:** My eyes!!!

**Our awesome aro mum:** (Though also yeah low key Tim that sounds slightly hot)

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** was slightly preoccupied but can confirm

**Our awesome aro mum:** Gay

**Our awesome aro mum:** Anyway, no need to answer if you don’t want to but why do we hate Leitner?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Jeurgen Leitner...

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** stupid idiot motherfucking jeurgen leitner

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** GOD DAMN FOOL 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Book collecting

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Dust eating 

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** rat old bastard 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** shithead idiot

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** avatar of the WHORE

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Biggest clown in the circus, laughed out of town 

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** cowboy motherfucking jurgen leitner.

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Why does he have so many fucked up books that he leaves

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Lying around

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** For children to find

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** ruined my life with his stupid fucking library putting his name on books he nor anybody else had a right to own

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Children who don’t know any better

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** He knew it was stupid. Knew it would ruin lives. He could’ve branded with ‘do not read’ but no, he and his fucking ego needed his name on them

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** the twat has so little remorse i should’ve killed him the first time but no i let him go

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** fucking stupid of me

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** he deserved to read his own fucked up books and suffer all the effects but no he’s clearly too good for that

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** He causes so much rage in me

**Our awesome aro mum:** Okay so not a good guy! Yeah, he probably deserved it then. Proud of you Tim!

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** ok ok im calm jon you wanna sit and talk about our mutual loathing of leitner and maybe get a hug? looks like the same man is trauma inducing for us both

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** That would be….nice

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** lit i’ll be in ur office in two

**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@PeterLukas_ **

**Elias:** Hello Peter, I have been thwarted in a most tragic and dissatisfying way. I had been greatly looking forward to ending one Jeurgen Leitner, as soon as he imparted important information into my Archivist. Instead, I know that he is dead but not why or how, and Jonathan is still no more in the Know. His powers, admittedly, are coming along beautifully, but his understanding is not. He has also not been marked by any other entities recently, which is bringing me much concern. I am not altogether sure what to do. Yours, respectfully, Elias Bouchard

**Peter:** Long time no see

**Peter:** I was starting to get rather Lonely, were you?

**Elias:** Dearest Peter, no???? Yours, Elias Bouchard

**Peter:** You know you don’t need to start and finish every message like that?

**Elias:** Darling Peter, I am very aware. Yours, Elias Bouchard

**Peter:** You are highly irritating. Did you message for anything other than to complain?

**Elias:** Peter, dear, I believe now would be a good time to mark our Archivist with the Lonely, though going through his assistant may no longer be an option. Yours, your dearest Elias

**Peter:** Fucks sake, Elias. I preferred being lonely.

**Elias:** Dearest, Darling, Peter. I missed you. Yours, with utmost respect, Elias Bouchard

**Peter:** Dear Elias. Good. Yours, Peter

**Elias:** It is far less fun when you do it too, my dear

**Peter:** Oh, I know.

**Elias:** I am truly very sad that I failed to murder Leitner myself

**Elias:** He was a true thorn in my side. I was looking forward to being rid of him, and even had plans to frame my Archivist. This was going to go so beautifully and now I am unable to even Know what ruined it

**Peter:** Lmao tragic

**Elias:** It IS!

**Elias:** Care to make me feel better?

**Peter:** No

**Elias:** I am a little strapped for cash, my dear?

**Peter:** You have a job, do you not?

**Elias:** That you are supposed to fund, correct?

**Peter:** Do I look like I care?

**Elias:** You are so mean to me, darling

**Peter:** Correct

**Elias:** I truthfully have missed you, my Captain

**Peter:** Good. I have missed you too, it was a pleasant experience

**Peter:** I suppose if you do really need a distraction, you do enjoy planning weddings

**Elias:** I will get the prenups drawn out immediately 

**Elias:** Thank you, dearest

**Peter:** Of course. Now leave me alone

**Elias:** Fine E>

**Peter:** Fine

**AVATAR OF THE W H O R E**

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Me and my seashell are getting remarried. You are all invited

**No thots only worm:** let me tell you i gagged

**The clown fucks lads:** I Would Like To Disrespectfully Decline!

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** grim no way

**The OG Sky Fucker:** I will be there

**The OG Sky Fucker:** To laugh

**The OG Sky Fucker:** And cause disruption

**The OG Sky Fucker:** As much as I love you, Peter, I do really hate your fiance

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** ewewewewewewew 

**B͡a͍̰͜s͎̕ͅt͚̰̟a̛̻͇r̷͚͇d͍͇͈h̥͍̖o͈͜u͚͚͉r̗̥ ͈̤̳g̫͎̕i̸͇̺v̗̤͕e̴̝̪ ͅH͇̘͝el͙͎̯ẹ̱n̲͕̺ ͈͢a̻̗͓ ̼̫̫s̜̹͠o̶̺n̥̞̭g̮̻̠:** disgusTANG

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** i am so confused?

**F̃̉̎u̵ͥ̎c̃ͪ̿k̾͒ͭH̸̯͈anͮ̅ͣd̍̃̏s͉̹ͯ ͂̎ͧM̑̓ͤcͥ̍̔M͂͌ͯi̼̗͢kͨ̃̍e̓ͦ͂:** plukas and lame-ass eli-ass are getting remarried for the insert-big-number time and none of us are going to go

**Holy Shit A Multiclass:** ew elias

**Fire Simp:** yeah fuck off plukas or annabelle will remove you

**Fite Me Gwen Stacy:** hell yeah i will nobody wants to see you become boring again plukas

**Breekon:** Sorry to interrupt, but while we are on the subject

**Hope:** Me and Hope are planning to renew our vows

**Breekon:** You are all invited

**Hope:** It will be on the same day 

**Breekon:** Out of Spite :))

**The clown fucks lads:** I Would Like To Respectfully Accept And Request The Role Of Maid Of Honour Again!

**Hope:** Course

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** your names were switched all along?????

**Hope:** Yes?

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** though yeah me and ollie will be there

**Sky fucker but a manlet:** and all the others probably

**Student 3:** We are all in!! I checked on our group message :D

**The OG Sky Fucker:** apologies, Peter, I will have to skip yours in my mission to attend as many of Breekon and Hope’s ceremonies as possible <3

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Don’t worry so will I

**Toxic Ass Vape Fog:** Wedding’s off xx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the tEYEtanic content is in here bc our friend kat requested it. if you wanna befriend us so we make cursed content (previous examples include the teletubbies references) then come join us on discord at https://discord.gg/s65Uj5x (15+)


	35. Sleepy Jon Propoganda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the month long delay, timezones got complicated a bit when Phone went back to uni. Anyway have some hugely self indulgent fluff to make up for both our absence and 186

**Chapter 35 sleepy jon rights**

**Simping for Jon club**

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Anyone know if jon and gerry are okay? 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** They’ve been a while and I thought tea might be helpful but don’t want to intrude,,,

**Tim Simper:** im sure theyd both love some of your tea baby

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** If you’re sure? I might check with michael

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Waittt xe’s not in this chat?

**_@Mumfriend Yearnwood_ ** _ added  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ **

**_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_@ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ_ **

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** you guys have a jon simping chat??

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** and didn’t invite me?????

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** not very pog of you, sirs

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** *yeehaws sadly* 

**Tim Simper:** wow i hate that   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You simp for jon?

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** who doesn’t?

**Tim Simper:** sasha?

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** she doesnt count she’s aro!

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** anyway it doesnt make sense bc hes a sad grumpy eye man but somehow we are all united in simpage

**Tim Simper:** hot jon rights :’)

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** tea   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Tea!!!

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Back on topic should i take them tea???

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You’re both all spooky surely one of you knows?   
**Tim Simper:** spooky?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I never said it’s a bad thing!

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** You know how much i love spooky season tim!

**Tim Simper:** you did tell me october is the best holiday,,,

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** THATS BC IT IS

**Tim Simper:** i dont disagree marto but babe,,,, its called halloween. its a day not a whole month

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** If we didnt already have matching costumes planned i’d break up with you for that

**Monsterfucker:** okay mr lukas   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** ???????   
**Monsterfucker:** peter lukas? eli*s’ s sometimes-husband?

**Monsterfucker:** they keep getting divorces 

**Monsterfucker:** also tea would be amazing thank you!

**Tim Simper:** wait

**Tim Simper:** gerry

**Tim Simper:** did you just kin assign me ELI*S????

**Monsterfucker:** i mean you are both hot

**Monsterfucker:** and spooky

**Tim Simper:** DID YOU JUST CALL ELI*S HOT?

**Monsterfucker:** i mean yeah? he is?

**Monsterfucker:** ur hotter though

**Tim Simper:** thank you?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** They’re right   
**Tim Simper:** I KNOW! ELIAS IS LIKE 50! AND NOT HOT!   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I mean,,,,

**Tim Simper:** not you as well, martin? please?   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Sorry :////   
**Tim Simper:** i hate it here   
**Monsterfucker:** moving on?

**Monsterfucker:** 1\. ‘tea would be greatly appreciated’, marto, and i’m quoting jon here

**Monsterfucker:** 2\. How the FUCK does this man give such good hugs????

**Monsterfucker:** he is an aforementioned 5’ starving victorian child

**Monsterfucker:** he is a bAG OF BONES

**Monsterfucker:** AND YET MAKES UP FOR IT WITH S K I L L

**Monsterfucker:** IS THE EYE TELLING HIM HOW TO GIVE GOOD HUGS?

**Monsterfucker:** WTF IS THIS

**Monsterfucker:** how does the entire archives gang rate in my top 5 hugs???

**Monsterfucker:** mikey is obviously top but then its you four

**Monsterfucker:** even though by all rights and purposes jon should give shitty hugs

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Are you alright, gerry?

**Monsterfucker:** no. he’s soft. he shouldn’t be soft but he is.

**Monsterfucker:** also trauma but it just be like that

**Tim Simper:** you are correct jar

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** :(((((((( 

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** I’d offer you a hug but you have jon for that-

**Monsterfucker:** both? both is good?   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Okay :)))   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Wow. Jon.

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Serotonin :)

**Monsterfucker:** mood marto! sleepy jon makes brain go brrrr   
**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** He is being soft and my heart is,,,so full   
**Tim Simper:** fucking simps   
**Monsterfucker:** yep :))

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** We been knew

**Monsterfucker:** okay well im gonna join jon in napping on marto’s shoulder will see you in a bit?

**Tim Simper:** jealous lmao

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Then come here, sweetheart :))

**Tim Simper:** :))))))))

**Tim Simper:** comfy :)

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** are all three of them just napping on you?

**Mumfriend Yearnwood:** Yep, you wanna join?

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** yee, and i cannot stress this enough

**ʍօռֆȶɛʀ ɮʄ:** haw

**_@MartinBlackwood_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@TimothyStoker_ **

**Martin:** Hey sweetheart

**Martin:** You know i’m simping for jon right now already

**Martin:** But i wanted to announce that im really fucking gay

**Martin:** This is my ideal form

**Martin:** Pillow :))))

**Tim:** bitch we been knew

**Tim:** but i mean valid

**Tim:** i am very comfy 

**Tim:** are you, perchance, simping for all of them?

**Martin:** Perhaps,,,,

**Martin:** Are you?

**Tim:** i was gonna say no but like

**Tim:** kinda?

**Tim:** yeah

**Tim:** like jar is hot we been done knew

**Tim:** but they have no fucking right to look that somft

**Martin:** Finally :)

**Tim:** ???

**Martin:** You were simping for ages

**Martin:** But finally

**Martin:** Finally you have stopped being dumb

**Tim:** oh fuck off, babe

**Martin:** No <3

**Martin:** You are officially a simp

**Tim:** g a s p

**Tim:** oh no

**Tim:** oh god

**Tim:** a simp?

**Tim:** how could you diagnose me so

**Martin:** Haha -_-

**Tim:** not like i havent been simping over you for months or anything

**Martin:** :)))

**Tim:** anyway back to us being fucking simps

**Tim:** what if we j dated a l l of them

**Tim:** haha jk u n l e s s

**Martin:** Unless,,,,,,,,,,

**Tim:** its just like brian said

**Martin:** What???

**Tim:** ehh ill explain later 

**Tim:** for now i will join the others in falling asleep on you

**Tim:** i love you

**Tim:** coward respond through text

**Tim:** yes i know i can hear you but this makes me feel sneaky

**Tim:** fuck off im not tired

**Tim:** martoooooooooooooooooo

**Martin:** Fine. i love you too <333 

**Martin:** Sleep well, my love

**Tim:** :)))))

**_@GerardKeay_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@M͎̲̔̎̿ͫͪ̏ͩi̡̥͖ͦ̉ͦ̿͑̈́ͪ̒c̜͙̦̤̙̝̈ͤ̅̽̑̎͠͞h̴̗̞͖̩̬̉̐̒a̠̮͔ͩ̅ͬ̏́́͘͡ę̸͇̼̲̤̣̹̝͔̎̆̐̔ͥ̚l̡͖̥̪͎͗͐̄̂̽͡D̛̮͚̣͉͚͙̟ͫ̉̐̎͊͡i̢̛̥̹̦̰̹̫̮ͦͧ̑s̸̯̖͔͙̔̏ͥͤẗ̡̝͖̗̱̦̲̼ͦ͌͌̋ͥ͗̌͠o̻̝͚̦͕͉̫͗̆͟r̴̨̦̫͙̠̄̾̓ͬ͐͠t̴͙̞̰͎̘͖͈̣͌̍͂ͬi̶̱͖̯͇̼̼͓ͨ̓͑̏o̤̬͈͚̥͎̓̅̌̆ń̶̜̦ͦ̎ :_ **

**Gerry:** babe,,,, martin is playing with my hair and i don’t think he even realises

**Gerry:** like i just woke up and hes playing with my hair and it feels so nice im probably gonna fall right back asleep but,,,,,,, ddgghbgdf

**Gerry:** brain go brrrr

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** s1mp

**Gerry:** >:(

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** every0ne p01nt and l4ugh 4t the s1mp

**Gerry:** ur a simp too coward

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** 4nd?

**Gerry:** we can point n laugh at u

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** n0

**Gerry:** what????

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** y0u h4ve sh0rt f1ngers 1ts less effect1ve

**Gerry:** :(((

**Gerry:** also why are u suddenly typing like that?

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** 1ts 4esthet1c and 1 l1ke 1t

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** 4ls0 t0 4nn0y y0u

**Gerry:** wow 

**Gerry:** i am heartbroken

**Gerry:** how could u

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** very e4s1ly

**Gerry:** :(((((((

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠:** :)))))

**Gerry:** >:(

**M̯͍i̕c̢̪̹͖ḥ̲͎a̡e̤̺̰͔̘̫̲͟l͖̳̗̯̖͈̠: >** :)

**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@PeterLukas_ **

**Elias:** Dearest Peter, my archival staff appear to be having some form of ‘cuddle pile’. I do not know how to deal with this. I loathe it here. Yours, Elias

**Peter:** You jealous?

**Elias:** Darling Peter, very slightly. Yours, Elias

**Peter:** Lmaoo

**Peter:** Touchstarved twink

**Elias:** Beloved, who’s fucking fault is that? Yours, Elias

**Peter:** Mine 

**Elias:** Exactly. You should feel bad. Yours, Elias

**Peter:** I feel wonderful, actually.

**Peter:** Are you lonely?

**Elias:** Fuck off. Yours, Elias

**Peter:** Okay!

**Elias:** Wait

**Elias:** Shit

**Elias:** Come back? Yours, Elias

**WORK BITCHES**

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Can’t say this aloud or he’ll Know but Elias is on his way down here. I am not altogether sure why.

**Kin Assigned Baby Sun:** well change my pronouns to yeet and yote bc im fucking out of here

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** :0000000000

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** yeet and y0te :))

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** 1 l1ke them

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** 4dd them t0 my pr0n0uns l1st lads

**ꄞꌅꂑꈼꋊꂠꌚꍩꁲꉣꈼꂠ:** 4ls0 may 1 0ffer up my h4llw4ys as a speedy ex1t?

**The sad tired gAy omg please sleep:** Please

**Stop stealing my sexuality pls:** p l e a s e

**_@EliasBouchard_ ** _ messaged  _ **_@PeterLukas_ **

**Elias:** My darling, they appear to have left the institute? Perhaps you will now respond? Yours, Elias

**Peter:** Read at 4:42pm

**Elias:** Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dont expect them ALL to be this soft


End file.
